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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to talk to my neighbours?

236 replies

Oncemorewithsome · 02/05/2026 01:07

Until very recently we lived in a city. Where we have come from, neighbours generally don’t speak to each other. On the rare occasion someone has stuck around for a while, we might give a polite nod to each other or an ‘alright. In my area this is all very normal and not considered rude.

We just moved to a town. The new neighbours stopped to talk for about 20minutes. I am now feeling very claustrophobic about the whole idea of living with imposed socialising whenever you put the bins out. I really have no desire to chat to my neighbours unless there is some issue.

I know, I know I’m a grumpy old so and so…. But it’s honestly made me feel a bit worried. Do people talk to random people all the time in towns? What if you’re feeling rubbish and just want to get a job done are you obliged to stop and chat when you see people you know? The rules all seem different!

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LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/05/2026 09:22

GroovyLobster · 07/05/2026 08:51

Inane implies boring, which is isn’t!

having said that, given your attitude and answers I think it’s better for everyone that you don’t socialise, I can’t imagine it’s fun for anyone

Oh I can be quite the raconteur 🤣

But interrupting a stranger’s day (when they have headphones in and are scrolling their phone) to wang on about the weather is rude and I’m happy to own that.

GroovyLobster · 07/05/2026 08:51

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:35

I think you mean inane chatter. Polite would be understanding that I really don’t want to chat (because a few words can turn into them wanging on about their life).

Inane implies boring, which is isn’t!

having said that, given your attitude and answers I think it’s better for everyone that you don’t socialise, I can’t imagine it’s fun for anyone

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/05/2026 07:45

QuintadosMalvados · 07/05/2026 07:42

I have some what I consider to be good advice here but OP hasn't introduced herself properly which means it would be rude of me to reply.

Sorry, OP, you're going to have to figure it out yourself.

Has anyone said anything about being properly introduced? 🙄

EvelynBeatrice · 07/05/2026 07:43

Maybe just a smile and wave next time and a ‘sorry, got to rush, have appointment’ if they seem to linger.

One of the things putting our family off moving is that we have what for us are perfect neighbours. Whole street is wave, name and hello friendly. If old neighbour ill or new baby people know and will help if needed. Maybe a Christmas drink at someone’s house. But that’s it. No one in anyone else’s pocket. No one so far as I know takes umbrage at people not wanting to speak.

QuintadosMalvados · 07/05/2026 07:42

Purplewarrior · 02/05/2026 08:23

I’m in SE and obviously never speak to my neighbours aside from waving and saying hello when parking up etc

Edited to add, we all do each other’s bins so that’s sorted!

I would just say sorry, got to dash.

Edited

I have some what I consider to be good advice here but OP hasn't introduced herself properly which means it would be rude of me to reply.

Sorry, OP, you're going to have to figure it out yourself.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/05/2026 07:33

A thank you is sufficient. Nobody is suggesting just walking off.

Thechaseison71 · 07/05/2026 07:30

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/05/2026 07:28

So were they giving information or having a chat?

They gave the information then we chatted for a minute. It's called being polite.

If I was rude I'd just ignore them and walk off from the bus stop

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/05/2026 07:28

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 23:06

Well seeing as both the app and the bus stop info was showing the buses running on time and no notice of the issues.......

So were they giving information or having a chat?

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 23:06

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 23:03

So you would have been unable to find that information for yourself?

Well seeing as both the app and the bus stop info was showing the buses running on time and no notice of the issues.......

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 23:03

Brickiscool · 06/05/2026 23:00

Yes we talk to neighbours. One in particular. I love it when he catches my 18 year old and makes her have a good long chat 😂 it's nice.

And how does she feel about it?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 23:03

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:57

Well I'm glad they told me the bus service was buggered so I walked to the station rather than wasting time at the stop.

So you would have been unable to find that information for yourself?

Brickiscool · 06/05/2026 23:00

Yes we talk to neighbours. One in particular. I love it when he catches my 18 year old and makes her have a good long chat 😂 it's nice.

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:57

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:47

Because there is a difference between a question/answer and someone offering unsolicited information about their journey.

At work for example I have to do the polite stuff very briefly when I meet colleagues etc. By then I have decided whether I like them or not. If I do, then fine, and it has turned into deep friendships a few times. More often than not I write them off in my head and just deal with them when I absolutely need to.

But striking up a conversation for no reason? Nah.

Well I'm glad they told me the bus service was buggered so I walked to the station rather than wasting time at the stop.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:47

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:36

So what's the difference between the train question that you'd ask and someone telling me the buses were up the spout?

And there was a reason for all us people to be in the same vicinity. Ike waiting for the bus

Because there is a difference between a question/answer and someone offering unsolicited information about their journey.

At work for example I have to do the polite stuff very briefly when I meet colleagues etc. By then I have decided whether I like them or not. If I do, then fine, and it has turned into deep friendships a few times. More often than not I write them off in my head and just deal with them when I absolutely need to.

But striking up a conversation for no reason? Nah.

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:36

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:33

I will talk to people when there’s a reason for us to be in the same vicinity (social events, work etc).

I ask/answer questions like ‘is this train going to x’ .

What I don’t want to do is be drawn into conversation by some random person about the weather or delayed buses or whatever. What’s the point? It might make them feel better but I really don’t want to be bothered.

Edited

So what's the difference between the train question that you'd ask and someone telling me the buses were up the spout?

And there was a reason for all us people to be in the same vicinity. Ike waiting for the bus

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:35

GroovyLobster · 06/05/2026 22:12

I feel this! No one cares about a long term thing, it’s just polite chatter!

I think you mean inane chatter. Polite would be understanding that I really don’t want to chat (because a few words can turn into them wanging on about their life).

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:33

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:24

How did you get to meet partner/ friends if you won't exchange words with anyone?

I will talk to people when there’s a reason for us to be in the same vicinity (social events, work etc).

I ask/answer questions like ‘is this train going to x’ .

What I don’t want to do is be drawn into conversation by some random person about the weather or delayed buses or whatever. What’s the point? It might make them feel better but I really don’t want to be bothered.

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:24

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:19

Well that’s lovely I’m sure, I don’t want to do it though. Which is why I clearly have headphones on, although apparently that doesn’t stop people.

How did you get to meet partner/ friends if you won't exchange words with anyone?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 22:19

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:04

Do you not exchange pleasantries in day to day life then?

On a recent trip to London I had 2 interactions with people at the bus stop. First was saying about the weather had got colder so a minutes chat on that and another when a couple walked up and mentioned that they'd waited nearly an hour at previous bus stop and given up , so a brief chat about crap service

Not hard work in the skightest

Well that’s lovely I’m sure, I don’t want to do it though. Which is why I clearly have headphones on, although apparently that doesn’t stop people.

GroovyLobster · 06/05/2026 22:12

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:04

Do you not exchange pleasantries in day to day life then?

On a recent trip to London I had 2 interactions with people at the bus stop. First was saying about the weather had got colder so a minutes chat on that and another when a couple walked up and mentioned that they'd waited nearly an hour at previous bus stop and given up , so a brief chat about crap service

Not hard work in the skightest

I feel this! No one cares about a long term thing, it’s just polite chatter!

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 22:04

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 19:11

Well it is an effort just for the slightest chance someone might become a friend .

Do you not exchange pleasantries in day to day life then?

On a recent trip to London I had 2 interactions with people at the bus stop. First was saying about the weather had got colder so a minutes chat on that and another when a couple walked up and mentioned that they'd waited nearly an hour at previous bus stop and given up , so a brief chat about crap service

Not hard work in the skightest

GroovyLobster · 06/05/2026 20:17

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 19:15

Do new people have to have the once over when they move it? And how do they deal with someone who isn’t interested in any of it?

Well we do like a stare! But they’re always invited to join the WhatsApp group, we’ll always take in a parcel and we mention some of the social stuff.

I will say there are some natural friendships, it’s not just a neighbours united! But it includes having a board of directors who make financial decisions so engaging is useful on more than one level

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 19:15

GroovyLobster · 06/05/2026 19:10

It’s very opt in/out as you want!

for instance I haven’t joined any of the exercise classes a lot of them seem to like haha! But it is nice feeling like a community.

Do new people have to have the once over when they move it? And how do they deal with someone who isn’t interested in any of it?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 19:11

Thechaseison71 · 06/05/2026 19:07

Exchanging pleasantries is a " lot of effort" Seriously?

Well it is an effort just for the slightest chance someone might become a friend .

GroovyLobster · 06/05/2026 19:10

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/05/2026 19:05

Good for you - I couldn’t deal with that. It sounds full on

It’s very opt in/out as you want!

for instance I haven’t joined any of the exercise classes a lot of them seem to like haha! But it is nice feeling like a community.