to cuddle a man?

Cuddling when single is totally fine. You may (but equally, may not) find yourself having a conversation at some point about whether your friendship is going to develop into something more but, for now, just enjoy the cuddles.

He wants to shag you… he is testing the water!

Sometimes therapy is good.

Yes it’s comforting to me. I mentioned it to a friend who has blown up about it. Saying it’s weird and needs to stop. She more or less compared it with incest.

Eh? What has incest got to do with it? Is he a cousin or something?!

Some people automatically cuddle up to someone when they’re asleep - they like physical closeness. It’s not necessarily sexual

Nobody is this stupid.

Is it ok to do it until either of us have partners but then all of a sudden it’s not.

Yes, provided you are both happy about it. It sounds like you are not 100% onboard with the cuddling so don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just tell him not to cuddle you.

Lots of people do trust their partners. DP trusts me, she's never been concerned that anything is going on between me and my friend.

She's never had to ask us not to share a hotel room, because I've never suggested that we do it once in a relationship. It's not a trust issue, it's a respect issue.

In your specific situation, as you say, it's not about sex. But you are getting something from your friend, that if you were in a relationship, you'd probably be getting from your partner instead. You're getting intimacy, comfort from them. It's platonic, but it's still intimate. Fine while you're both single, but if you're in a relationship then your partner is likely to be upset that you're going to someone else for that kind of comfort rather than them.

It's not hypocrisy, it's respectfulness, to their partner.

Nothing to do with trust in the slightest.

Do you both like it?

Eh?
You're both single. You're not gay.
Do you enjoy it?
If so, what's the problem?
What is there to be confused about if you were to both have partners? Surely you can understand that if you were both in relationships it's usually not OK to be cuddling and sleeping in the same bed?
(added the word usually there as this is MN and I'm no doubt going to offend someone telling me I'm bigoted towards the threesome community lol)

Something can be platonic, and yet still something that you don't do in a relationship because it would bother your partner.

I'm male, my best friend is female. Many years ago when we were both single, we'd go down to London or Manchester or wherever for gigs, and share a hotel room. We'd get a twin room, so separate beds. We'd change in a bathroom, so noone ever saw any nudity or whatever. There was never any suggestion of anything happening, it was entirely platonic.

We don't do that now we're in relationships. We still go away for gigs occasionally, but always separate rooms. Our partners would be uncomfortable with it, so we don't do it.

Same with you and hugging your mate. It can be platonic, but still something you probably wouldn't do when you're in a relationship because it's likely to be disrespectful to your partner.

Would you really be ok with your husband sleeping in a bed with another woman and cuddling her. You wouldn't think that was at all inappropriate?

This will go against all the other Mumsnet responses, because this topic always does.

I'm poly. I'm mid 40s. I have a long term female partner and a long term male partner. I also share a bed platonically, on occasion, individually, and often when travelling, with a good proportion of both my male and female friends. Some of them, we cuddle. Some of them, we don't.

It's weird to the majority because we're brought up to think that physical closeness and comfort is something one should only do with a single, monogamous sexual partner. But that comes from old Judeo-Christian morality, and you can choose for yourself whether that's something you want to care about.

If you can get past the social conditioning, then platonically sharing a bed and cuddling is a pleasant but not particularly important activity which carries about as much weight as a childhood sleepover. Neither of my partners gives a shit about it, because they're secure and well adjusted. And cuddles are nice.

And, when I have, in the past and on occasion, been in a monogamous relationship, I have spoken about cuddling others to my partner at the time, and actually, they've all been fine with it, because I don't tend to date people who don't challenge conventional thinking, nor lack trust or are insecure, so it's also possible to find people who are monogamous and are also fine with cuddling others, although I'll agree it's probably rarer than in poly circles.

Edited to add, some of the people I cuddle with are in monogamous relationships. And it only happens if their partners are also fine with it. It's not nearly as uncommon as the responses here will make you think.

I think you friend's reaction is the source of your confusion @R0XY

Both single, opposite sex, purely platonic and like to mutually snuggle, zero issue.

That you don't see that if your pal (the bedfellow) was a married man and a) slept in your bed and b) cuddled is a totally different dynamic, is in fact most confusing.

You're 39, what's confusing you?

edited for clarification

One day this will turn into sex. He’s already hoping

are you male @R0XY?

He’s been friend-zoned, but is hopeful.

Do you like it or not? That's all that really matters here isn't it?

Why are you trying to add labels or wonder what other people think?

Also wondering how old you are because this sounds very naive.