To never be able to forgive this despite the context?

Listen to your stomach.

Horrendous way to treat you.

I don’t think I could respect a man who put me through that.

What he’s doing is called love bombing and is another part of domestic abuse. Just be very careful around him and protect yourself and your child and NEVER forget what he did to you - AND your child!!!

The context - that he was scared about being A father ?

There was no life tragedy, severe mental health, trauma ( and even if there was I don’t know if that would excuse his behaviour)

• also who is he surrounding himself with if his friends; none of them said ‘ what are you doing, grow up’.

I can see it's tempting & I understand.

Only do it if you want to be with him. Doing it for DD wouldn't work.

i have an Ex that I thought was my forever. I wanted him back for a longtime. I still love him but wouldn't have him back now because I know he wouldn't have my back, so what's the point? It's easy to have the 'good stuff' but it's knowing someone has your back when the shit hits the fan that makes a relationship worthwhile.

after how he treated you before how could you ever relax in the relationship ? How could you trust he has your back? You couldn't! So what's the point?

He was 40 and he did this. Stay clear of him.

I think his new attitude is fantastic for you both to arrange a really lovely co-parenting arrangement. Under no circumstances should you believe that he actually wants to be with YOU. This is all about his bond with your child.

Embrace that, but don’t be hoodwinked into thinking it’s anything more.

Once a deadbeat always a deadbeat, I would not entertain getting back with him for a moment. If he’s a good Dad these days then why rock the boat, hopefully he will continue to be a good Dad when you clarify you are not and will never be interested. Quite possibly his interest in being a good Dad may lessen at that point, but I hope not for your daughter’s sake.

What would you tell your daughter to do if she came to you in the same position as an adult?

Do that.

The things he did were cruel and deceitful. That's who he is. They were free choices he made.

He's only trying to change the story...because as your daughter grows she will learn what happened

He is not worth your trust, guard up ALWAYS

He walked away from you when you were pregnant and just ruthlessly cut you out of his life. He got a friend to message you saying he would get a restraining order if you didn’t stop calling/texting him.
He denied he was the father and he was made to take a DNA test so you could get CMS for DD.
He wanted to see DD as a baby but it took six months to pin him down on a day to see her and then didn’t bother to see her again for two years!
He isn’t someone you can rely on or trust and he’s talking out of his arse! He likes the idea but it’s a pipe dream, you know he’s not dependable or trustworthy.
You are the only parent your daughter has that she can alway rely on and would walk on hot coals for her.
You deserve better than that twat and so does your DD.

You deserve way, way better. I would never forgive this. Even if you could, you’d never forget and I promise it will be an awful relationship for your daughter to witness growing up. You will have your (valid) reasons and he’ll have his excuses. Too little too late.

This.

I’m not a particular Taylor Swift fan but you need to listen to “we are never ever getting back together” on repeat.

He panicked when you were pregnant and threw you under the bus. He'll do the same again next time something scary happens. Do you want someone like that as a partner? You can't count on him in difficult situations, he made it very clear.

I don’t know, I actually wonder if he is only pretending to be a decent dad because he wants a shag, and once he gets it through his head OP isn’t putting out again, he’ll get another partner and ditch his child again.

Sadly I have seen that happen more than once - man only interested in children as price of entry to a relationship, and when he gets a new relationship he becomes super-dad to the new GFs kids and ditches his own.

Fully agree with the consensus on here. He isn’t worth the time of day. You’ve been so gracious and generous to facilitate a relationship between your DD and him after how he treated you and her.

You won’t ever be able to trust him again. If you co-parent amicably there is much less chance of it breaking down and that upsetting your DD.

NO and do not contemplate it for a moment he sounds like a shit person. Just because he has actually done some parenting which he should doesn’t suddenly make him great.

If you trust him again, it will be on you if he acts the same way. He has shown you his true character. Don't get sucked in by someone that manipulative.

I would never forgive him for that, ever. Have you been giving him mixed messages OP when he tells you he wants you back? I would tell him very firmly that there is not a chance in hell that you would ever take him back, ever. That it's not going to happen and you will not listen to any more of his declarations of love. Tell him you do not love him and you will never want to be with him.

It's nice that he has established a good relationship with your daughter and that he pays maintenance for her (having been forced to!) but I would never forget that he abandoned her and you so cruelly and is capable of walking out of her life again.

You need to start to move on with your life and keep him at arms length - keep your interactions with him strictly about arrangements for your daughter and nothing else. Don't tell him anything else about your life and don't listen to anything about his that doesn't pertain to your daughter. He's not your friend. He's your child's father and that's all.

What he did is completely unforgivable. He's sorry now the really hard parts are over and he just wants the best bits for himself which he absolutely does not deserve.

If he's a better man now, fantastic and all the better to co-parent with.

It still doesn't change the fact that he treated your terribly when at yoir most vulnerable. He was also a grown man at that stage too so no excuse for his behaviour.

If you get back together, you will most likely be terrified that he'll do the same again if you get pregnant again.

It's also not that long ago. It's easy fake being a reformed man for a short time, especially when there's an agenda.

Over time, you might have more reassurance that he has fundamentally changed and can revisit it then if it still suits but right now he doesn't deserve you or a second chance.

Your daughter will be fine - she has a mum with boundaries and a dad who is trying to do better.

No way in hell, unforgivable

Of course I’d never forgive any of that. He ghosted his pregnant girlfriend aged 40 and left her to do it all alone. Disgusting.

Imagine if you did get back together. Moved in together. Trusted him slowly. And then he did it again. Ran away. Would you survive that? Would DD?

After going through something like that, I don’t think you could ever trust him again.

But the question isn’t for us it’s for you to decide if you still love him if you think you could ever trust him again?