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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby with surname of current and ex partner aibu

62 replies

smucker · 01/05/2026 20:57

A friend recently had a baby with her new partner. Wonderful news. She has 3 older kids with her ex husband who have his name only. She goes by her maiden name now. She has announced the baby surname which is double barrelled- it is both her ex husbands name and her new partner (baby daddy) name. Is it just me or is that a bit weird?

OP posts:
Livelaughlurgy · 01/05/2026 22:29

I think it's strange. If names were important to her why did she change her name?

Sunshine1500 · 01/05/2026 22:25

smucker · 01/05/2026 21:23

That’s my point- her ex husband has an unrelated baby bearing his name. And they are not close at all far from it

It’s not an unrelated man’s name though it’s the babies siblings name and a family name.

Delici · 01/05/2026 22:05

She wants the children to share a name. Not that odd.

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 22:03

LizandDerekGoals · 01/05/2026 21:48

Because you can name your child what you want. But if the child already has a name, you need the permission of the other person who named the child to change it.

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Yes I know that she would need permission, that's why I said above it's a faff, and the option she's gone with is the easiest.
I understand that part. I just don't get the why.
She wants the kids to have same surnames. But they are not all related to the same dad.

I could not imagine my younger siblings being named after my dad. They're not his.
They're still my siblings. Buy they're not my dad's kids.

30mins · 01/05/2026 22:00

Op might have an awful surname … In the bank weeks back surname of cashier was Cockman, err no thanks
also it’s her farmyard parade so step aside.

allyelloww · 01/05/2026 21:58

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 01/05/2026 21:55

Only if you're thick enough to teach them that names belong to men. The child will grow up knowing it shares a name with it's siblings. Why would they think that was weird?

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I agree and I don't think the children associate it with being a “man’s” name. It’s just their name, a family name. Maybe when they’re older they might and if I have to explain it to them I will.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 01/05/2026 21:55

Namechangerage · 01/05/2026 21:53

Any reason you didn’t just double barrel all kids with your name plus their own dad?

Wont kid find it weird when they grow up and never see the man whose name they have?

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Only if you're thick enough to teach them that names belong to men. The child will grow up knowing it shares a name with it's siblings. Why would they think that was weird?

allyelloww · 01/05/2026 21:55

Namechangerage · 01/05/2026 21:53

Any reason you didn’t just double barrel all kids with your name plus their own dad?

Wont kid find it weird when they grow up and never see the man whose name they have?

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Because the older siblings are school age and I felt it wasn’t right at their ages to start messing about double barrelling their names. I also absolutely hate my surname and wouldn’t inflict it on my children as I was bullied for it growing up.

Namechangerage · 01/05/2026 21:53

allyelloww · 01/05/2026 21:51

I did exactly this and am now wondering if people are secretly judging me! I’m also wondering if this thread is about me Shock

I did it for various reasons, my ex husband and father to my eldest children was not asked, he’s never said anything about it nor has anyone else.

Any reason you didn’t just double barrel all kids with your name plus their own dad?

Wont kid find it weird when they grow up and never see the man whose name they have?

Namechangerage · 01/05/2026 21:51

Jessamy12 · 01/05/2026 21:27

Why are people hung up on men “owning” names? It’s his children’s name now too. And I bet it’s not unique.

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Why is she so hung up on all her kids having a man’s name?

She should change all of them to double-barreled with her name plus relevant dad and then they will have a link.

allyelloww · 01/05/2026 21:51

I did exactly this and am now wondering if people are secretly judging me! I’m also wondering if this thread is about me Shock

I did it for various reasons, my ex husband and father to my eldest children was not asked, he’s never said anything about it nor has anyone else.

Batties · 01/05/2026 21:49

It’s the name of the babies siblings. A man doesn’t own his surname.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 01/05/2026 21:49

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:46

So she needs the older kids ' father's permission to add her own name to their surname, but doesn't need it to use his surname on an unrelated ( to him) child.

Make it make sense 😅

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He doesn't own the name. FFS.

IIRC you can give your child any surname you like when registering the birth. So you could name them after the pub landord if you so wished.
You just can't change it later without permission from anyone with PR.

LizandDerekGoals · 01/05/2026 21:48

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:46

So she needs the older kids ' father's permission to add her own name to their surname, but doesn't need it to use his surname on an unrelated ( to him) child.

Make it make sense 😅

Show quote history

Because you can name your child what you want. But if the child already has a name, you need the permission of the other person who named the child to change it.

LizandDerekGoals · 01/05/2026 21:46

Ponoka7 · 01/05/2026 21:45

Has she legally changed her name back, passport etc?

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I wondered this as well. It could easily be legally her name.

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:46

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 01/05/2026 21:42

She can only change it with their fathers permission.

I think it's quite nice that the siblings all have a link in that way.

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So she needs the older kids ' father's permission to add her own name to their surname, but doesn't need it to use his surname on an unrelated ( to him) child.

Make it make sense 😅

Ponoka7 · 01/05/2026 21:45

smucker · 01/05/2026 21:23

That’s my point- her ex husband has an unrelated baby bearing his name. And they are not close at all far from it

Has she legally changed her name back, passport etc?

LizandDerekGoals · 01/05/2026 21:43

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:39

That's not true.
She can change the older children's surname to double barrel with her surname.

And then the new baby could have two surnames and be linked to siblings with mums name.

I understand it's be a faff though and she's obviously gone for the easier option.
But her logic beats me. I cannot get around giving my baby two men's surnames. One of them the ex.

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What country are you in that a mother can change her children’s name without their father agreeing?

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 01/05/2026 21:42

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:39

That's not true.
She can change the older children's surname to double barrel with her surname.

And then the new baby could have two surnames and be linked to siblings with mums name.

I understand it's be a faff though and she's obviously gone for the easier option.
But her logic beats me. I cannot get around giving my baby two men's surnames. One of them the ex.

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She can only change it with their fathers permission.

I think it's quite nice that the siblings all have a link in that way.

Bearybasket · 01/05/2026 21:42

I can see where she coming from but it’s weird. My eldest daughter’s have my surname. If my ex had given his children with his new wife my surname I would have found it incredibly uncomfortable.

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:39

LizandDerekGoals · 01/05/2026 21:28

She cannot change the older children’s name though.

The answer, ladies of childbearing age, is to keep your name and give all children that name.

Edited
Show quote history

That's not true.
She can change the older children's surname to double barrel with her surname.

And then the new baby could have two surnames and be linked to siblings with mums name.

I understand it's be a faff though and she's obviously gone for the easier option.
But her logic beats me. I cannot get around giving my baby two men's surnames. One of them the ex.

Nuttycoffee · 01/05/2026 21:34

What as it got to do with you.

OneTimeThingToday · 01/05/2026 21:29

Maybe the older chikdren wanted their sibling to share their name?

LizandDerekGoals · 01/05/2026 21:28

Mistymaglets · 01/05/2026 21:15

The older siblings have a different father.
They have his surname.
The baby has his/her own father.

If she wants them all to have a link it's through her, she could double barrel her own name with all of them.

I cannot imagine what the Ex thinks about an unrelated baby bearing his name.
I cannot imagine what the baby's father thinks about give the baby another man's name.
I would assume they are all happy seeing as they've done exactly this, and that's really all that counts.
But you will never convince me that it's not a bloody weird choice.

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She cannot change the older children’s name though.

The answer, ladies of childbearing age, is to keep your name and give all children that name.

Jessamy12 · 01/05/2026 21:27

smucker · 01/05/2026 21:23

That’s my point- her ex husband has an unrelated baby bearing his name. And they are not close at all far from it

Why are people hung up on men “owning” names? It’s his children’s name now too. And I bet it’s not unique.