To think my dd is very young to be pregnant

But it is not that unusual now to have your first and possibly only baby in your early 40s. I was born in 1956, and my one child was delivered in 1999. I was fit and solvent by then. DC is pretty robust, and very privileged, because money.

Nope it doesnt work like that.

You didnt feel like it was a struggle because that was your normal, for both you and your child. I had my eldest at 17 and my youngest at 38 (yes, 21 year age gap with four others in between) and although I was still very fit and able, it was definitely harder physically when I was 38. It just was! Ageing happens, like it or not, and it slows us down.

As a pp said, you have nothing to compare it to.

Twenty-three is a brilliant age to have a child, biologically. The only reason it seems young is because of the ridiculousness that society has become. We are supposed to go to university, then have a career, THEN squeeze in babies in a narrow window until we get too old, and the reason that most people can't have them right after education is because of: 1) The crazy cost of housing 2) The crazy cost of education 3) the cost of living and 4) The fact that men don't want to settle down young, they want to shag everything in sight and are encouraged in this by our over-sexualised and permissive society, where casual sex is celebrated, divorce rates are high, porn is freely available, and commitment is under-valued.

When my parents married in 1967, they could buy a family house with three double bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a large kitchen and living room for five thousand pounds. And, relative to the salaries of the time, a couple aged 24 and 27 could handle that mortgage on one average salary. And there was not a widespread requirement to spend years and tens of thousands on a university education. People trained on the job. Lawyers trained on the job, for example.

If, today, houses were much cheaper and there were more routes to well-paying jobs than just uni, and men valued commitment more, you would soon see everyone having babies in their early twenties again.

It's natural for women to pair off and want marriage and babies in their early twenties. (Obviously, not everyone wants this!) But the way society is has socialised people out of following their natural urges, for the reasons above. I think it's totally wrong and that the entire social system by which we have babies needs a complete re-think. It's just no good the way we have it now, with many women having to wait so long that they have this small window, so they end up with fewer children than they wanted, and many can't do it at all. While many are still OK to have babies later, many also are not.

If people have found a good relationship young, I think society should organise itself so that women can have babies in their late tweens and early twenties, THEN get an education. Or, have babies right after uni. You could end up having done both education/training and having your completed family, all of whom have started school, by the time you are 30-ish and THEN start your career.

It should be normal for women who want a family to start their career at 30-32, basically, instead of this expectation that women spend their twenties - their absolutely prime baby-making years - building a career. The government could offer incentives to make this happen, like introducing rent control for young families, and maybe discounted uni fees if you go after having kids, and free childcare while you're at class.

When it comes to women and biology, the current set-up is completely wrong, imo.

A gyn once told me the best time to have a baby is physically 20-25, mentally 25-34, and 35-45 financially.

His point was there's no best time, it's always a trade off. No one really has the right relationship and their physical/mental/financial position fully aline.

At 23 she's an adult and it's her choice regardless of your opinion.

As someone who can't have any and found out in my late 20s, I think 23 is an excellent time.

I was 23 and 25 when I got pregnant. I had so much energy. Walking every day with the pram in all weathers. Cleaning the house, doing the gardening, sailing in the summer most weekends. Restarting a career at 30 could still spin all the plates.

I was married and fairly sensible though.

Two at 24 here (and I had my first at 16) hopefully my parents aren’t too disappointed especially seeing as their own parents all had numerous children in their 20s as was the norm until about 20 years ago

Exactly. Almost all of my friends who chose to have children had their first in their very early 20s, and some in their late teens. I was 34 when I got pregnant in 1992 and I was considered an older mother. I went to ante natal classes for a few weeks and I was by far the oldest.

Why would she not be able to support her baby ‘in many different ways’, in the same way any mother could?

It’s very young for professional middle class and yanbu to worry a little that she might be lonely as her friend are t likely to have kids for another decade and she might be missing out on stuff mow, but she obviously wants the baby if she’s going ahead with it and she can be a party girl in her 40s and have a great time then!

I think we have become accustom to parents being in their 30s when they start a family, so when someone in their 20s starts a family we naturally compare that age to what we are used to. So 20s seems young to many. Biologically it is a much better age to have a baby

AI Overview

Biologically, the best age to reproduce is generally between the late teens and late 20s or early 30s. Fertility peaks in the early to mid-20s, with high egg quality and quantity, reducing risks of miscarriage and genetic abnormalities. While optimal fertility lasts until roughly age 30, a sharp decline in fertility and increased risks often begin after age 35.

No 23 is not too young. She’ll be a great age being young and fit enough to deal with the sleep deprivation and to be running round after a little one.

Same. I would be so utterly disappointed if mine at 22 were proud of this. Nothing achieved yet 2 at 22.

I was 22 when I had my first.

I asked my health visitor if there was any young mum groups to go to, she said because I'm not 21 and under I'm not classed as a young mum.

Shes not too young. In fact it's none of your business.

It's only in the last 25-30 years that having a first baby at over 30 has become fashionable, in the 70s. 80s very few had their first baby at over 30 and it was almost unheard of to be in their 40s, 23 was in the normal range. I was 29 in '77 and was considered 'old'.

Yet another thread with no replies from op.
There as been so many threads like this im starting to wonder if its the same poster, using different names.

Yes

@Jugjug and @Shallotsaresmallonions do you think you are doing well at parenting? Not meaning to snipe or take shots. Do you have life under control?

I was 23. I was young enough to be quite energetic and still reasonably young when my child left home so I could do the things I wanted to do and had enough money at that point to do those things.

We’re all different though. Some 23 year olds are “young” 23 year olds.

Yes, I would say very young.

In my world no one has a baby before 30. Friends of ours became grandparents a couple of years ago - their dd was 28. We all commented on how young she was! Her Mum (my friend) had her at 34.

And I felt old the second time around! This thread is mind blowing! In what world is 23 young?

I was 25 and 27. Now enjoying a life at 48 with 2 x 20-somethings. Couldn't imagine still 'actively parenting' at this age. Would recommend having kids 'early' every time.

I was pregnant at 23, last year and this is my second child were talking about first I was 15/16

I’d have a heart attack if any of mine had a baby, let alone two by the age of 22. This was the year I finished uni and had yet to see the world. I’ll be 50 next year… and still think 22/23 is far too young to settle down with lifelong partner abs have children

All true @Hankunamatata but none of them will have serious professional jobs either. Because those years are the same years that you put in the effort to qualify and move up in your career. There is a huge trade off. I worked until I was 43, flat out, to be very successful, before I felt secure enough to have a baby.