AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

Sorry, took me a moment as I wasn't bothered in the least by your posts or criticising anyone. But I realised that they 'you' in my second sentence was meant to mean 'parents in general', but could be read as 'you' specifically. So it might have read like I was having a go at your choices - not my intention at all! I know you explained that your kids are harder to settle and I understand that.

Yeah you're response to the quoted post doesn't make sense though...

"when I need the car sorting or the septic tank needs emptying or the TV aerial is being a dick"

See this so much. Women happy that men do the "men jobs" they can't do. Except they tend to be things which take a short period of time and/or crop up once a month or once a year. Rather than getting up every single night for years and never getting a morning off (and, it sounds like, single parenting during the week).

How much of your DD not "wanting" your DH at night and "gravitating" to you instead do you think is contributed to by the fact he (on your account) takes ages to respond, and then moans/huffs and is begrudging? Versus you who I'm guessing is there straight away and is soothing and loving?

I think you’re being goady but I’ll bite. Do you think parents should never leave their children? What about getting a baby sitter for an evening out. Is that ok?

I mean, if you want to stay with your kids, it's not unreasonable, but I hope you don't feel you can't have a night off or feel like you'll be judged if you do. I'm strongly of the belief that if you are able to have a night off young child, you should do so.

I had my first night away from oldest DC when they were about a year old for a work thing, and DH and I did a few long weekends and a few big nights out a year when the kids were younger and stayed with my parents or sometimes his. Appreciate not everyone has the privilege of willing, able parents nearby or kids who slept well so they weren't a big ask to look after, but I think if you do have those, you should use them.

I would be embarrassed to be married to such an incompetent man, sorry to say it.

Was your DH not involved with childcare including putting to bed and nights from day one? We have DT’s we divided up activities so it didn’t matter if one did supper, one baths and one bedtime.

Do you say the same to men? That when they become a dad it’s time to stay at home? Or is it okay for men to go out lots but women have to remain at home all the time?

You do realise your life doesn’t end because you become a mum right? You are allowed to go out, staying at home and not going out lots doesn’t make you a better mum at all. (Personally that reinforces that men can do what ever the fuck they want and women must always pander to them and stay at home to be good little housewives)

Just because you chose a shit bloke to have kids with don’t trust him doesn’t mean mothers can’t go out.

so glad I trust my husband enough to allow me to go away for weekends on my own, really feel for you that you don’t.

But to be honest I’d prefer not to engage further, as you do seem to just want to berate me

No need to respond to me and there was no intention to berate you but I do think it's important for other posters reading this thread to reflect that this situation is unlikely to resolve with just time.

I'm sure many of us here have seen similar scenarios that have just got worse as the children get older. I really sincerely hope it does get better and you get time to have time away.

I don’t think small children innately want their Mum’s overnight. When I was a child I always wanted my dad, from very little. I only ever shouted for Dad, and he was the only one who got up with me. Now it’s the same with my child and husband - he knows Dad comes if he calls, Mum sleeps! It didn’t do me any psychic damage.

Here is my opinion… if you didn’t want an evening away from your kids because you just didn’t want to be away from them or whatever, I wouldn’t care or judge you. Each to their own. You’re not a better mum for having nights away and you’re not a better mum for not having time away. It’s personal preference.

If you’re wanting to have a night off but you can’t because you’re scared your DH can’t cope, the father of the children, then yes I would probably feel sorry for you and question your choice in men.

I’d have gone crazy without nights away from my kids but each to their own.

It’s pretty poor if your DH can’t manage to parent his own children effectively.

Why is he so useless?

Your response doesn't make any sense in relation to that posters comment?

I really hope you partner steps up but I suspect that when your children are older you will face the small problems as they will still want you because he's shown no interest in being a parent.

Did you quote the wrong post?

Aside from when I've had each child I've only had one night away from them and that was when I had to leave for a funeral early and they went to stay with their gran. I don't wish to be away from them overnight. Older two can have sleepovers at their grans but she isn't in the best of health and hasn't ever offered (other than the funeral). The youngest likely wouldn't stay with my parents as they live some distance away and only ever see them with us.

My dh is just as capable a parent as me and has had them on his own since they were born and whilst I'm at work or just out. I could leave them overnight with him as he could too but neither of us have wanted to. Mine are 10, 8 and 4 and will be grown soon enough.

I don't judge others on whst they choose to do, all I know is that I've not wanted to be away from them overnight so haven't.

Mine are 2 and 4, I have left them overnight from when they stopped breastfeeding at night (around a year old, maybe a bit younger). Mine do also 'prefer' me and if I am in the house they look for me in the mornings and cry for me if I dont do their bedtime, they both also still breastfeed at bedtime - however if I am not in the house then they are totally fine (and when we are both home I do have to just ignore their cries sometimes as I know their dad is just as capable as me and they soon settle). Just a thought that it might actually be easier than you are imagining? Mine also still dont sleep through the night, would your little one just come into bed with your husband?

I understand what it's like as mine only hassle me in the morning, but if I am not there then they will of course go to my husband instead. I think if you really want a break then you just have to give it a go. One night isnt going to harm the kids even if they miss you, your husband will manage!

Terrible that you cannot rely on their father to help, by stepping in all these years you are creating a rod for your back, plus damaging your Children and their relationship with their father.

You have taught your children that their father is incapable.