AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

Your kids are going to love the news that you have booked a hotel room next to their honeymoon suite.

“Have a great night darling, see you both at breakfast”

Eldest first slept at grandparents at four months old and continued to do at least once a month. This was so both me and DH could make plans/go away.
I first did a night away solo when dd was 15 months old then two nights (with work) when she was 16 months so DH had her.
Second dd is now 19 months old and she’s slept out twice and been left with DH till early hours several times. She didn’t sleep as well as my first did so I definitely put it off till she slept better/wasn’t feeding through night more because I felt bad on whoever had her. Wasn’t fussed leaving her with DH, he’s her dad and yes she settled better for me but she was also fine with him it just took him a bit longer.

This is very different to the OP saying her husband is basically incapable though.

I'm similar to you. I breastfed til my son was 23 months, he naturally weaned himself and I had my first night away about 6 weeks later and my DH was absolutely fine for the 48 hours I was gone. If he was still BF I wouldn't have left but I took the opportunity before baby no2 arrives shortly.

Whether people want to go away or don't want to go away is each person's perogative. It won't be right for everyone, but others will go away lots of they have good support.

But there are issues when one parent can't be trusted to look after the kids or even just get them up solo in the mornings? In the case of an emergency, it would be very tough on the kids.

YABU to imply that she’s wrong to have time away just because your partner isn’t in your opinion capable of managing with you.

You’re insulting your DH by suggesting that he wouldn’t be able to cope. Of course he would. He’s a grown man who presumable holds down a reasonably responsible job. It might be a bit hairy the first night but it will be fine - and you’ll never know if you don’t let him. They might have a whale of a time without you if he’s as great as you say.

Yes you’re being reasonable for martyring yourself off to motherhood.

I don’t think it’s just you, I think many women are in the same boat but I don’t think it’s healthy or admirable that you don’t feel you could leave your children in the care of their other parent, for one or more nights, no, it’s very, very bleak, and your colleague is undoubtedly in the healthier situation. In short, your disapproval/disbelief a mother could possibly spend a night or so away from her kids while their other parent parents them is unreasonable.

you deserve a break I’m sure you husband would cope ! X

More fool you...

OK, but in that case surely you'd stop at one then?

This thread is baffling. My DH is perfectly capable of being the primary caregiver but I've never left DS overnight because he was exclusively breastfeed and woke a lot in the night and milk was the quickest way to get him back to sleep. DH is physically incapable of providing that comfort.

He's now 2.5 and I'm due our second. I expect he'll find the potential night time separation really difficult but it's necessary and he and whoever cares for him will survive. That doesn't mean I want to put everyone through that regularly just so I can have a night away that I don't need nor particularly feel I need.

I never had a night away from my children, apart from being in hospital giving birth to the second one and the first was farmed out by DH to his mother because “looking after a child isn’t his job!” Hence he’s now my ex.

However, both my AC have left the children with spouses……..and we had a fabulous girly weekend away! I've got two amazing sons-in-law!

Wow, I don't think OP was asking for a medal, she's was literally asking if she was the odd one out. The first time I left my daughter she was 7 months and that was jusy to go and do a yoga class for an hour. I had to leave her overnight when she was 18 month but only because I work nights and went back to work. My parents never left is overnight, they didn't have anyone to babysit so never had a night away, why is it now ground upon to not leave your kids. I think that's weird.

Honestly, OP, don't worry - this will all change. My DC are adult now but I am currently struggling to go away and leave my cats overnight! (Definitely a me problem, not a cat problem)

Your own sanity aside, you have left your DH and DC unable to cope should you ever be unavailable for a night or two. If you ever need an overnight hospital stay or to rush away for some other emergency, your family are completely unprepared. YABVU

I find it tough being away from my kids, I feel jealous of others that have reliable support to be able to go away for a night, or even to go out in the evening without worrying how kids will deal with bedtime.
And to be honest a but judge of parents that leave their babies to go away on a jolly.
On the other hand, it makes the separation easier in older years

Me and my partner went away for 5 nights when our daughter was 8months old, and have done every year since, daughter has quality time with her grandparents. She also sleeps at their house one night every week and has done since being 3 weeks old. Also regularly sleeps at friends’ houses.

I do not understand women who insist their partners are incapable, nor do I understand women who believe them without question. If it was men assuming we were incapable of doing a thing, it’d be called misogyny. There’s no evidence her husband can’t handle the children, in fact it sounds like OP has never allowed him to demonstrate.

Totally, most men would just nod and agree with any parental discussions pre pregnancy and the reality is very different

Because they don't know until it's too late.

He would cope, the kids would settle … this is a YOU problem.

My son would have been the same as your kids if I had allowed and enabled it like you and your husband. I made sure I had nights/days out or away and he may have been unsettled the first time but then learned that everything was ok without me there which I think was really important incase I got ill or had to go oversees for a family funeral. I would have felt very overwhelmed if everything was down to me. It was also important to my partner that the kids could settle with him at night, You have both caused this and they don’t know any different. I knew my partner could cope fine even if they were unsettled too

They can cope … they just don’t have to.

Gosh how bizarre. Just let your husband crack on.

Yes because you are spending so much time with them while they’re sleeping 🙄

One night away hardly makes you a part time parent … get a grip