AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

Can't trust or Won't trust?

I’d suggest there can’t be much to someone who spends their every waking moment glued to their child’s side, personally. Parents are allowed to be people as well and have interests aside from being parents.

No right or wrong as long as you’re not judging those who make different choices from you. Plenty of mums happily take a break or need to leave kids with their dad for work conferences etc.

I agree. Your choice. I think some people enjoy this 'everything would fall apart without me' scenario. But it probably wouldn't which is why they are reluctant to put it to the test.

I've been away a lot (for work and for personal trips). The first one was nerve racking because I thought my husband would also not cope. Well, I was proven wrong. It was the first night she ever slept through 🤦 And I could see the monitor from my phone so he wasn't lying. This was when I was still breast feeding so I think she knew the boob wasn't there so just went back to sleep! But since then, my daughter has always been great when I'm away. She barely noticed I'm gone. She will say occasionally that she misses me but it is fleeting. She's very resilient to the point my husband took her to his families for two weeks just before her third birthday because they speak another language so I try to not go with her anymore so she is immersed. She was happy as anything and I got lots of stuff done that I wouldn't normally have time for. She's 3 and has done three trips away without me now, and probably spent maybe ten other nights away from me since about 10 months old.

Don’t be so utterly ridiculous. Honestly, Mumsnet handwringing at its finest with stupid, hyperbolic replies like this.
Not that I have to justify myself to you, but my children are first and centre in my world. I’m a lone mother who has never even introduced them to another man. I work incredibly hard and everything I do is for them. We have a secure and loving bond.
But very occasionally, I might feel the need to get away for a night or two. Do my own thing, enjoy the peace, see friends and family or just be alone. I find it surprising that some women - especially those with older children - are not interested in doing this. Their lives must be so tightly enmeshed, and I believe that they won’t be doing their children any favours when it comes to school camp, etc. Fortunately my close friends feel similarly, otherwise life would at times be fairly dull! Still, we’re all different.

I will say though, that if your husband is otherwise competent but it’s just that you child prefers you, they’ll probably be absolutely fine if you’re not there as the child will realise they have to “make do” with dad.

I don’t think YABU at all. My kids are the same age gap as yours and I had my first night away when my youngest was 2.5, and not had many more since. I was still breastfeeding my youngest to sleep at that age, plus I just didn’t really have any reason to leave them before that. Some people act like you’re abnormal or unnatural for not going away, but when I was a child, most ordinary people couldn’t afford to keep going off places overnight all the time, it’s a pretty recent, and very middle class phenomenon, and it’s perfectly normal if you haven’t.

Your identity is "goes on child-free weekends away"?

If being unable to do that means you've lost a significant part of your "identity" there can't be much to you. Either that or I question why you'd have children if they're quashing your personality.

Blimey, my kids are similar ages to yours (and I love them to bits) but I’ve been on 3 hen dos and 2 week-long girl’s trips over the past few years. My kids were left with my OH as he is their other parent. I guess if you don’t want to leave them that’s different but I do think life is for living. I feel like I’d be doing my children a bit of a disservice in terms of their independence/confidence if I never left them or let them have a night without me.

Fine You seem to be crediting me with a lot of stuff I haven't said

When does your husband get his alone time with them then if you are always there!

I don’t consider spending time with my children an act of martyrdom - they are quite nice kids thankfully! However, spending any more time discussing a topic with someone who does and can’t discuss an issue without resorting to cursing and hyperbolic statements probably isn’t great for emotional wellbeing.

Totally this. If you were suddenly hospitalised, for example, don’t you think they’d all cope?

If you don’t want to go away that’s your call, although like many PP here I think a night or two away every once in a while does either parent all the good in the world, but don’t use assumed incompetence you’ve apparently trained into your husband as an excuse or look down on your colleague for her choices.

WTF are you on about? I didn't know nor bloody care when you left your kid. If you want to martyr yourself go ahead

I merely pointed out that toddlers don't actually need feeding in the night.

No I took extended maternity leave and didn’t go back to work until she was three? What about my posts gave any indication I would leave my child hungry? Very bizarre thing to say.

Why are you so invested in the fact that it was three before I left a child overnight? With my first child it was earlier - different child, different needs, difference circumstances. As I’ve said I don’t think there’s a right/wrong - it will depend. If you feel guilty about parenting choices you’ve made, reflect on them, don’t try tear down people who made different choices to you.

I couldn’t lose my identity to that degree.

Can you find me the post where she "blatantly said she doesn't trust him"? She worries he wouldn't wake up but I don't think she actually has any evidence for this. I read it that she's made an assumption based on how things have been when she is there and he doesn't have to be alert to the children and has catastrophised.

She also hasn't said she isn't allowed a lie-in, only that the children wake her up in the morning. Again, this is my situation. DS wakes me up. DH will take him downstairs and "let me have a lie in" sometimes but it's rare that I can actually get back to sleep again. That's not anyone's "fault". It's just how my body operates now.

I think people are putting words into OP's mouth because they can then use it to justify their own choices. "I left my 6mth old with my DH for two nights because he's more competent than yours" rather than "I left my 6mth old for two nights because I wanted to".

I mean, maybe I am too 🤷🏻‍♀️ But at least I'm not calling her husband names (Not that you are, but others on the thread certainly have).

If you don't want to leave them, then don't. I don't want to either so never have. It's no one else's business xx

You are bashing any mother who feeds overnight....

Ok soya milk or heaven forbid water as they'd be on a full food diet. Pedantic or what

And what happened when you are at work. Does your kid starve.

Who am I " bashing"

I did feed one of mine u told 20 months, but not in the night.

And I was also working full time so was a feed in the morning and evening and before putting her down. Rest of time she drank from a cup as never took bottle

Who mentioned bottles?

They don't need feeding but many still feeds whether it for routine, for comfort ir for food or thirst.

Stop bashing mothers who choose to breastfed into toddler hood... its not a good look and quite frankly not your business.

YANBU. Do whatever feels right for you. x

My daughter was allergic to cows milk so that plan would have landed us in hospital. She was also very small for her age so paediatrician and dietician encouraged me to feed as long as I could (so I probably fed longer at night than I would have otherwise). I think this illustrates my point nicely that each child and family are different. Some may be happy to give a cup of cows milk and let a loving parent support the child through the unhappiness of not being fed to sleep and others may decide that going away for a night is something that isn’t valued that highly. FWIW I love getting away for the night now, but it didn’t hugely bother me for a few years. I’m not sure why this upsets so many people that I wasn’t dying to get away from my kids - I’m quite fond of them overall! I’m not judging others for leaving their kids for a night at an earlier age - just pointing out that everyone will feel differently about it?