AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

These threads are always tough, and a good example of how we are all different.

mine are 7.5 X two
5
4

other than school, never left them.

DH. That’s an interesting one.

let’s say I was needed away for one of them, he would be fine.

However, would I chose to leave them, not a chance. Would I judge others who do? Nope.

Its such a personal thing, walk in my shoes, experience my grief (which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy) compared to others, doesn’t make for an equal outcome.

as long as you are comfortable in your choices and the children are happy and loved, who cares what others choices are?

My eldest is 13, and the only time I've been away from my children overnight is when I've been in the hospital. The older ones have stayed at friends and school trips though. I just prefer going away with them, rather than without them. If you want to go, I'm sure your DH will manage perfectly well and your children will be absolutely fine but if you don't actually want to go there is no issue with that either.

I haven’t had MANY nights away from the kids. A few but not tons

DC1 was 9 months went to a wedding
DC1 was 2 yo and dh took him away for 2 nights while I was pregnant

DC1 with husband while I was giving birth 3 nights
DC1 at grandparents for 1 night while we went to a party/hotel. Baby was with us.

DC2 and DC1 with dad while I gave birth to DC3

so that’s not tons and I wouldn’t want more. So I understand mums that want to be with their kids every night. It’s natural instinct

When my dcs were that age I hadn't spent a night away from them either. The only person I would have wanted to spend the evening with was DH, so there would be no point having him put the dcs to bed. I enjoyed having evenings at home with the dcs and putting them to bed, so I never really sought out a babysitter, and I don't like the idea of a stranger looking after my dcs in my home. I didn't feel I missed out much, I would do meals out, theatre and cinema trips during the day when they were in regular childcare.

My eldest started having sleepovers with PILs at age 4, but we still had the youngest at home as I was still bfing and liked to put her to bed and be there for her if she woke. We had the first night away from both of them a few months ago, when the youngest was 3.

So is your partner banned from doing that then or would they be if they wanted to hypothetically? I don’t care if you say they wouldn’t want to, I mean if they did would you say that’s not allowed? Because that standard is totally controlling.

My DP has had the odd night away for his hobby, or weekend. I’ve had 4 solo nights away in 6 years to stay in air b&b apartments to chill and have a lovely time alone.

Yep. Just you.

You sound lovely 🤣

Neither of you are unreasonable, totally fine for her to do it, totally fine for you not to if you don’t want to. But I’d have zero respect for my husband if he wasn’t capable of looking after his own children at 5 & 2 so I could have a night off if I wanted one.

Book yourself a night away, plan a trip with a friend or relative and do so soon.

If you want time away make it happen. Your partner won't step up until you make him, right now he's getting full night's sleep and I'm guessing he can have time away whenever he pleases. He seems like a pretty terrible partner who has no desire to parent so why would he change that.

I dont think you"re doing your DC any favours tbh. Its a life skill really.

Ds1 went on his Yr 6 residential last year, no issues. There were children there aged 10 and 11 who had never had a night away from their parents and it was hard for them and their teachers. Some parents had to collect their dc.

Do you want a medal?

My daughter is 4 and the only 2 nights iv had away from her are when i was in hospital having her sister (13 months) I could if i wanted/needed to as both are good sleepers but i just havent

I very rarely have a night away but not because I consider my DH unable to care for our children. I went for a funeral when DD was 10 months and not only was he able to wake up but I believe he also fed her and changed her.

DS is coming up to 2 and I’ve had a few instances of one or two nights away from him for work, starting just before he was 18 months, but DH is just as capable of caring for him as I am, and always has been, so I’ve never even thought twice about it.

We’re BOTH having two nights away from him in a couple of months and that I’m a bit nervous about, but he’ll be with SIL that he knows well, and she’ll stay at ours so he’ll be in his familiar surroundings.

Some of us have trustworthy and supportive networks for childcare and therefore get to have breaks and holidays away. You don’t.

I had one night away when my first was 9 months old. She’s now 4 and we also have a 5 month old. I had no desire to leave her and she only ever wanted mum. It’s only now that I’m thinking about doing it again. My other half is more than capable of looking after them both though

How desperately sad. Totally understandable that you woukd feel extra protective towards your second son x

Never mind whether or not you should have a night away, your DH is pathetic.

I’m sure dh would cope if you went away

don’t martyr yourself

Your life sounds miserable op. This is why it’s important to choose wisely who you have children with.

My elderly parent fell ill in another city and I had to be away for chunks of time and thankfully dh actually parents our children.

Give over. Parents are people too and a night, a weekend or even a week away from your children/husband is absolutely fine. Makes me a better Mum, actually.

This sounds a lot like jail time keeping you away rather than enthusiasm for parenting