AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

i am very sorry for your loss 💐

I was similar. I breastfed mine until he was 23 months, and coslept for most of his life. I left him for one night at 24 months where my DH had him. I was (am) pregnant, and felt we were all ready for the one night break.

On the flipside my very very close friend, regularly goes for weekends away and her mother minds her now 4year old. She was away in a different country for 3 nights for a hen party when her son was just 2 months old.

Each to their own.

I think she must have a more competent baby dad or less of a martyr complex!
the question is do you want to go away? Not everyone does. If you want to then Yabu for not going

My closest friends live away so I visit them, DH happy to look after DC as he works away sometimes so fair. I do night shifts at times so am away anyway, all fine.

It's important to get some time off and away on your own IMO.

I find it so mad. I BF for years so was very hands on but still on occasion left my kids with their Dad overnight for normal adult nights away demands. I’d feel I’d failed if I’d picked another parent who couldn’t parent.

"Not sure DH would cope "

ffs women. We are the worst

That's not normal.

Yes, a couple when I was in hospital undergoing cancer treatment. Does that make sense?

I’ve not had a ‘fun’ overnight since DD was born and she’s nearly 3. Have had a couple of hospital stays which weren’t my choice and I’m in no rush to be away from her. OTOH a friend who has a 3 month old has had 4 overnights away. Everyone does things differently

I had six months off on mat leave with each of my kids and then went back to work. My work involves between 1 and 4 nights away each week. In a rare week I won’t be away overnight. My Dh works full time but generally travels a lot less. We work as a team as far as house and kids go 🤷‍♀️

Yes... two people choose to be parents.
So there's no reason why one parent can't hold the fort for one night.

Or option C- DH sleeps on the floor in her room for that night, so he absolutely will wake up and can parent his own child.

Does it? That’s not the impression I wanted to give, I’m never happier than when I’m with my children.

I don't know about you but I wasn't born knowing exactly how to cope with having a child, let alone two. I had to learn, and I learned by having to do it. You've done it and you've learned. I've done it and I've learned. By the sounds of it, your DH hasn't had to do it because you've been there to do it for him and so he hasn't had to learn. The only way he will learn how to do it is by having to do it. And the only way that will happen is to let go and let him do it.

Yes, he'll make mistakes, just like I made mistakes, and I'm sure just like you also made mistakes. It's making mistakes and learning from them that helps us to get better.

This is really really sad op.

you’re quite passive about it, but this seems entirely your husband’s fault that you don’t get to do something just for a few hours that you would love because he isn’t capable.

im not really understanding how you can be attracted to him?

Surely he can take over in the morning on a weekend at home, so you can get that?

No you are not alone. I have had 4 nights away from my now teens and that's because I was in hospital 😅. But ds2 is very social and has had plenty of sleepovers at friends houses. Ds1 is autistic so it's very hard to leave him with someone since he has medication to take and you need to know how to deal with him. I will leave dh with him for a week-end soon and I am already nervous about him forgetting medication or not being able to calm him.. but I want to see my newborn niece so they have to cope without me.

Very sorry x

I had nights away when my first one was about 6m, mum looked after her while dh and I went away for a wedding for 2 nights.
have done similar when subsequent ones came along but left then with dh. He’s a competent and capable man, perfectly able to look after his own children and manage the house.
What suits me doesn’t necessarily suit you but I always enjoyed a bit of freedom from time to time and I also found it good for the dc to be used to spending time with just dad so we didn't end up in the situation where they’d be clingy to me and not settle for him in the night, I was their primary carer during the day as dh worked and I was a SAHM.

But as I’ve said, I can now leave said five year old with him; it may be that in a year or two I can have a night away.

I honestly don't know how you can possibly feel affection or attraction towards someone who couldn't adequately look after his own children until they were basically old enough to look after themselves.

Your bar seems so low.

OP I didn't think you were judging her, I felt the envy! 😂

I BFed both mine to sleep until they were well over 18m and we co slept , it's not for everyone so I get why a lot of women (and men) wouldn't choose that.

But it worked for us.
My take is don't worry about what anyone else is doing, different children have different personalities and behaviours and would would suit one family wouldn't suit another. Don't compare.

If your current set up doesn't work for you, think if there are ways you can change things or adjust a bit so that one day you will be able to enjoy an evening away if you want to.