Year 8 relationship dramas

This is hardly representative though is it?

FWIW my year 8 is in a single sex school (boys) and there is absolutely none of this going on. Maybe it will come later but there is no cyber bullying, no nastiness, no competitiveness. Lots of low level silly behaviour in classes (poor teachers) but it's dealt with immediately. This is a London community school with 180 kids in Y8.

Our nearest - but very oversubscribed - school is mixed and most of my child's friends and peers went there. I still speak to a lot of the parents and Yes there do seem to be a lot more "relationship" dramas but again nothing as wild as being described on this thread.

My Y6 will be going to a single sex school too.

There will be kids who aren’t doing that stuff. Can your DD hang out with them? I would be concerned if she is hanging out with kids doing that stuff in y8 in case she ends up joining in due to peer pressure.

Kids grow up at different points. I know it’s shocking to hear about children that age even thinking about sex, my DC were also pretty immature if you like and I’d argue my eldest who is year 11 still kind of is… He still plays Roblox anyway! But yes, some children do sadly engage in sex at 12/13 and although vanishingly rare, pregnancies occur as a result.

I think you just need to explain it’s not usual to be engaging in that sort of thing so young and that it’s way more usual to be like your DD than them to be frank.

Some of the groups in DD’s school are like that. She’s not in them, but still hears all about it. Then she comes home and tells me all about it! “Mum, I’ve got some tea!”. Some is serious stuff (I contacted the school a time or two for safeguarding issues), some is pure nonsense, some is sheer stupidity.

Alot will be talk. Yanbu. Not looked forward to that age.

My oldest is in a boys school, also year 8. Barely any fights (apparently 2 this academic year, no exclusions), no snogging, barely any friendship dramas.
70 in the year. so small but not tiny (and 100% have either ASD or ADHD).

I would be shocked OP. I am sitting in the garden mumsnetting with a beer, my DDs and their friends are chatting further down the garden about topics ranging from prohibition, abortion and why dogs are better than cats - year 10 & 11. Not normal in their circle, definitely more on the academic and sporty side but I would say fairly normal girls in a mixed state school

Don’t need to be opposite sex to snog, and plenty of fights and fallings out, teenage girls are much worse for nastiness on social media too

Bless your naivety ! (I work in a girl’s school)

Id tell her that some children go off the rails a bit during puberty but a lot of gossip that she hears is exaggeration, embellishment or downright fantasy. Kids this age often make up stuff to make them seem 'grown up' so tell her to take it all with a pinch of salt and not get involved in gossip. Does she have some nice sensible friends to hang out with?

Have you confirmed that the pregnancy story is true?
Is she generally unhappy there? Does she have friends that are more like her? I’d be very so if the things you mention are true of very many of the children. There are always a few that cause dramas and live very different ( and often unhappy) lives. Where adult behaviour is the norm.

After 30 years of teaching I can tell you this is absolutely normal in Y8. The dramatic behaviour is unbelievable. And the Snapchat spite and bullying is awful. But yes, also a lot of them are talking bollocks to be 'cool'.

Tell her to stay as uninvolved as she can. And I've taught in an independent girls' school that was just as bad!

Hi, hmmm I've worked in a lot of secondary schools and sadly the relationship drama does sound fairly normal, certainly the arguing over the same girl/boy and kissing at parties. If young people are are finding ways to kiss and experiment beyond this at school though, that is potentially a huge safeguarding issue and I would express your concerns to the Head or DSL. As for teen pregnancies, that is obviously shocking and upsetting but I sadly do know of one Y8 who became pregnant.
Vaping is a huge issue among this age group with colourful, candy flavoured vapes literally designed to appeal to young people, and relatively easy to buy or get from an older sibling or friend. Drinking I hear less about but based on my own experiences in the 00s, Year 8 is when some (not most) people started to experiment.

In terms of how to approach it... 5 Cs approach:

• keep Communicating - Praise your daughter for letting you know what's going on and how it's making her feel. Remind her that she can always come to you with questions and if you don't know the answers you will try to find out yourself.

• Be Curious, ask open ended questions like "I wonder what made her do that?"
• stay Calm even though you might feeling anything but calm in your head! If she sees that you're alarmed she may stop bringing things to you or at some stage try these things yourself to push your buttons or get a reaction out of you
• be Compassionate - Dont use judgemental language, acknowledge the reasons why young people are drawn to behaviours like this e.g. curiosity, thrill-seeking, wanting to appear more mature, seeking validation from romantic relationships as they may not get much affection elsewhere.
• and of course, express your Concerns in an age/stage appropriate way; you are the best judge of the amount of information that your daughter ready for at this stage. There are some great books that deal with growing up for this age group, maybe get her one and read bits together or both read it in sections and then discuss over a hot chocolate?

So pleased my year 8 goes to a girls school!!

I'd reassure her a lot of her peers are talking rubbish to fit in. There will be a few precocious ones getting into frankly dangerous and exploitative situations and a far bigger number just talking bollocks. She may not believe you even though it will be true but will reassure her she isn't expected to carry on like that.