AIBU to expect my husband to look after baby without it being a favour to me?

I’ve read all your posts. I just wanted to send some support your way as you’re in a really difficult situation. Of course you’re not going to affectionate and have mental health issues when you are carrying everything. I’m sorry but work is a break for most people unless you’re a A&E doctor/nurse/surgeon or in the military in an active warzone. Anything else is easier than parenting 3 young children, alone, day after day with no proper sleep. You poor thing!

I'd be clear with him that you aren't happy and you're not looking for a 'who is the least happy competition' but you're telling him because things don't change, if he doesn't step up, divorce is on the cards.

And tell him if you divorce he will still have to work but also do solo childcare and all his own cooking and cleaning. So to think bloody long and hard about how much he's taken for granted before it's too late.

And before you do that, speak to a solicitor. Find out everything they would need evidence wise to get you your share should you divirce. So he can't hide stuff in preparation for you leaving him.

You have every right to protect yourself. And your kids for that matter too, because he absolutely is the sort of man who will shaft them just to hurt you. Get legal advice.

Make plans for an exit even if you never need them.

No but at least your self worth isn’t being defined by a knob. Think you will find most of your mental health problems are related to him. Why would you want to have sex with a man that makes you feel shit.
this isn’t just about you though the children are on the receiving end crying imagine what they see how you are treated, is this what you want for them?

Actually being a parent to his kids shouldn't be seen as doing you a favour just because you happen to not have a paid job. You're a parent so is he. Difference is he seems to think because he works it gives him a free pass to not really take any responsibility because you're apparently the default parent and it's all on you just because you don't physically bring home an income. He has a job yes but he also gets breaks in his working day-you don't get a break you're constantly parenting, you can't just go and take half an hour or so for yourself because you have a baby in your care who needs to be looked after as obviously a baby isn't able to tend to their own needs. Ask your husband what he does on his entitled breaks-i bet he manages to have a cuppa or a meal uninterrupted as that's what his job legally has to allow him. You do all of the household and parenting and he still thinks you have it piss easy. Tell him to take a day doing all that you do while he's at work I can imagine he'll complain that he's had a tough day without getting even five minutes to himself let alone the lunch break he gets whilst he's at work. You really shouldn't have to ask your children's father to be a parent, he should already do it without being asked.

Gosh how he treated you was really bad. Throwing away the dinner and dumping the drink is not behaviour I’d tolerate at all. Wanting to be praised as part of a simple request is fairly narcissistic. You are not only making decisions for yourself, but also your children. Kids that grow up with emotionally immature parents either become them, are traumatised by them, or date people like them, generally.

Yes, nasty

What do the words “I love him” mean to you? Do you mean you fancy him? Or you think he’s an amazing person who you admire? Or he’s fun to be with? Or he makes you feel good about yourself when you’re with him? Or you care what happens to him and how he feels?

Personally, I could never claim to love someone who showed zero interest in how his behaviour affected me. Not fanciable, not admirable, not fun to be with, not making me feel good about myself. And bugger me if I’m going to one-sidedly care about somebody who doesn’t care about me. (Although I’d do that for my child.)

Or maybe you mean you’re scared to be on your own.

Why would you say this? Do you realise how common and subtle abuse can be for woman when they are vulnerable? The responses on here are awful

Honestly sounds a bit abusive - throwing away the dinner you made and pouring his beer down the sink because you don't "respect how hard he works" big red flag, run like the wind.

He sounds utterly pathetic. What you permit you promote.

Why are you married to this massive man child??!! I work. So does my husband. Our son is in pre
school. We are self employed. My parents have him 1 day a week after school. We each have him 2 half days.
When he was a baby we did 1 day a week each. 2 days in day care. My parents did 1 day.

Everything is 50/50.
However we both agree that my wonderful MIL who was a sahm had a wayyy harder job than either of us. Neither of us know how she did it. My FIL still calls her super woman even though all the children are now adults.
You need to stand up to this utter nonsense. Or offer to swap with him. He clearly wouldnt cope.

Adding to my note above, I just read the rest of your posts and realise there is slightly more to it here in that roles are quite traditional and you may not be well enough to work.

It’s a little harder to advise given the above - it sounds like there is a lot of frustration on his side (and no wonder if the poor guy hasn’t had sex in more than a year and a half!). I’m not surprised you don’t fancy it if that’s how he behaves but it’s not reasonable or fair to expect anyone to stay in a sexless relationship. Perhaps you need to try and rekindle communication, agree that both roles have their challenges and you need to work together and not have a competition over who is working harder.

Good luck OP - it ain’t easy.

Get yourself and your baby out of there now before he escalates. What a vile piece of work. See how he copes alone.

You haven't had sex in 19 months and he's treating you like a nanny, maid, cook???
Literally what is the point of this man in your life?

He sounds horrible. Declining to eat the dinner you have cooked and pouring his beer that you bought him away is majorly childish and not ok.

I think it would be good for him to look after the baby (children?) on his own for a long weekend so that he fully understands how relentless it can be. Perhaps you can arrange to go away for 2-3 days, and don’t prep him any dinners or anything beforehand, so that he can be a better dad, bond with the baby and fully understand.

But also OP - I’d highly recommend going back to work full time and ensuring he pays half (or a pro-rata amount) of the childcare and understands he’s to do half the cooking, bathing etc because “you are at work and work hard all day.”

Someone who behaves like this honestly doesn’t sound like someone who will weather the challenges of parenthood that are ahead for you - it really can be super tough if you have more than one child during the toddler and early primary years — and you don’t want to fall behind in earning power and lose your pension while acting as an unpaid maid for him.

Dump him, OP

Why did you marry and have kids with this useless selfish obnoxious prick??

Okay, so it can be hellish with a young baby who is reliant on you for feeds, comfort and getting to sleep but I strongly recommend that you get your ducks in a row to leave. This behaviour of his will not miraculously improve and like someone else has mentioned, he has the potential to be awful when you are earning. You will continue to do what you are doing, with little to none helpful input from him, simply because he will always prioritise himself and his work.
That said, separating or divorcing might be the kick up the arse he needs to be a better parent. I’d draw the line at him becoming a better husband - that ship has sailed.
Be kind to yourself. Life is too short.

You'll end up doing everything , all the time & he'll still bellyache. Seriously think about losing him asap.

O. M. G. In a nutshell : Husband whole contribution to the whole shebang is Having a Job. How Soul -destroying for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Look my dear; I want to spell out your whole future for you : When the children are adults and you get your career back , mark my words: he will have Accounting Books and make you pay HALF of everything. By then you will be spiritually ' spent ' not only will he control your MIND, but your MONEY, TIME, SOCIAL LIFE.......wouldn't it just be easier to get a Room Mate? At least then you will have some autonomy over your life..

Oh god just put the whole man in the bin.

Honestly, he's blatantly showing what a prick he is - BELIEVE HIM!

Pathetic behaviour, throws a tantrum so he doesnt have to parent his own children. So off putting and unattractive. As soon as you can get a job.

I love how men forget if they didn’t have a wife and kids they’d still have to go to work AND run a house themselves. He can get lost with his crappy attitude and using you for free labour. You’re not the primary carer, you’re the sole carer right now so bin the man and at least that’s one less thing to worry about.

Sorry to say but that’s the beginning of the end…mine was exactly the same “ I work and you do nothing at home and blah, blah.”. He is now ex, I’m working, kids are older and life is beautiful. Start saving as the resentment will build up more and more until you will start wondering why you need this man child as you are already doing everything alone anyway…

Just read this out to my wife and told her to take notes, she gave me the finger

Anyway, leave the bastard