AIBU to be fed up with my in-laws' reverse one-upmanship?

Next time they say anything about your trip just say "you know what... I've done long distance running I'll just strap the kids and hubby to my back and run all the way to Portugal! I mean I might have to pack some plasters but yeah sounds feasible. I'll get going now and hopefully be there in time to check in."

These people sound insufferable but also maybe there's a jealously poverty element. The whole well we did it a different way because convienance and comfort weren't affordable but showing ourselves as martyrs makes us feel good about ourselves schtick.

Don't be annoyed just find I comical they sound like they are straight out of a sitcom and there's no malice there

Oh i was in the junior readers club. You wrote a composition well review/synopsis of the book if I remember. I once had mine pinned up in the library, thrilling times.

They are ridiculous. Next time they come for dinner lay out tesco bags for them to sit on.

Your in-laws sound like my parents. They are always horrified to hear we have booked a holiday full stop - "we don't need that, we've got a nice beach hut down the road, what a waste of money blah blah". I try not to mention when we have a holiday booked as its always "oh noooo, not another one" as if I've just said "oh I think I'll shoot up some heroin today mother".

And when my mother saw I owned a steam mop - "what's wrong with the good old ways, you can get a floor perfectly clean getting down on your hands and knees with a bucket and a cloth". Erm, because a steam mop is easy and effective and doesn't hurt my knees.

Life should be hard, sparse and punishing. What am I thinking using my own hard earned money to make things easier and more pleasant?

Over 21 years I have learned that whatever I say to my MIL will elicit a comment aboit how she would have done whatever I talk about, so now I dont talk to her except to answer questions in the shortest possible way which offers no information. It's awful. But protects me.

Or, to quote Shirley Valentine; , "I'm not sayin' she's a bragger, but if you've been to Paradise, she's got a season ticket

This is a bit like my elderly parents, but their foibles are not as grating, who cannot fathom that others may do things differently from them. This extends to all sorts of different things in life. When they were last round at our house we offered a drink before dinner and they asked for something I would definitely describe as niche, but which they have at home. In the 30 plus years since I've had my own place, they've never asked for this drink so it's not as if I should have got some in to be a better host.

Exactly what I was thinking!

They sound hilarious! - think Monty Python shed sketch!

I would just laugh at them ...

The underlying truth however is controlling people who seek their own power by undermining people and proving them wrong all the time.

@PrettyPickle excellent advise.

Eeeee I love hearing stories about how things were done in the olden days …… would be my response!

Ha ha im really loving some of these replies. This would drive me crazy too. I’d probably do a combination of ‘yes, it’s great isn’t it’ and just seeing them less. However, the one about the plaster - that would really piss me off. That is not just feel good onedowmmanship, that is really unpleasant. I’d say bullying type behaviour.
If they tried to keep that one going I’d lean into it. Eg ‘I’m so happy that me in pain is such an ongoing source of amusement and pleasure for you - do let me known when you need hospital treatment so we can all have a good chuckle together.’ And if the subject of going on holiday with them comes up again : ‘No thanks. Last time I went on holiday with you, you belittled me and made entertainment of my pain. You still find amusement in it. Why would I ever willingly holiday with you again? They would be under no illusions how I felt about that.

I would definitely not be going on holiday with these people! Holidays are supposed to be precious relaxed times with loved ones, not an upmanship competition!

This is so weird! And i don't think it can really be called one-up manship as they're not even upping you, they're downing you 🤣 so bizarre.

There's a saying about people that always want to one-up
'If you've been to tenerife, they've been to elevenerife' but in this case I think they've been to ninerife? 😂

Ha! My mum can br a bit like this. She uses the expression ‘in my day we just got on with it.’ A woman moved to her village who was a bereavement counsellor. Mum said she’d never heard of one of those and ‘in my day etc.’ etc etc

Oh gosh OP, this would utterly infuriate me. I'd be hitting their comments with sarcasm at this point, loud sarcasm and making sure others (non family, random strangers) hear it too
e.g. 'Oh yes, I am such a perfect princess for wanting a plaster to put on my bleeding ankle...however must I cope in life?'

Or if it's about doing things e.g. chairs and tesco bags I'd repeatedly use the catchphrases:

'Well, we can't all be martyrs Pete and Janet'

'We can't all fall on our swords Pete and Janet, thanks for taking one for the team!'

Or one-up them again with a sprinkle of cheek:

Pete and Janet: 'Can't believe you sat on chairs, we sat on Tesco bags.'

You: 'No, no, no Pete and Janet, the kids sat on the chairs, husband and I huddled together on the disused wrappings of an Aldi pasta bag... it was a comfortable evening.'

And I would not stop taking the p*ss and laughing at them, to their faces, until it became so uncomfortable they stopped.

This would be war.

(Although, I do hope you're ok OP? Trust me, I know inlaws drama and it is so draining, even when it's ridiculous!)

I think the suggestion that they drive with the kids while you fly is the best, your in-laws sound insane I know how grating it can be.

My dad was a bit like this. Total fucking fantasist with it and all. If you’d got a splinter he’d be stabbed in the stomach.
He was a fucking tit. And my MiL is the same, DH and I bonded over it. I often think my idea of hell would be being a fly on a wall listening to MiL and my dad have a conversation.
My dad (who was given a detention in secondary school) to MiL - “I was once a prisoner of war”
MiL (who was once grounded) “I was captured by adolf hitler himself. I only survived by seducing him until I was rescued by Churchill’s top secret special forces”
Dad - “Oh Churchill once needed advice from me”…
Utterfuckingbollocks.
It’s misery olympics. These people’s personalities are simply just how tough they’ve had it and when they meet people who have genuinely had it tough they can’t loose and make up any old shite. It sounds funny when it’s described as in the op as how they sit on Tesco bags and a camping chair is a luxury, but it is draining and exhausting to be around.

Cant believe they are talking when just huffing at you will do

3 days driving in foreign countries sounds horrendous and I’d say as much why suffer in a car for days when you can travel in ease by plane and enjoy your resort.

🤣😂🤣 this would wind me up aswell.
Let's all slog it because they do .
How could you drive in one go to Portugal with little ones that young .. not to mention driving while tired the safety aspect of it ..
We did drive to Spain a couple of times and im not kidding its hard going my kids were 4 and 6 at the time really good they were amazing ..... but one was sick in the car everywhere before we got on a ferry .. we missed ferry's.. got lost all the time as their dad wouldn't use sat nav....
My sons are 23&25 now and always said why didn't my dad just jump on a plane for 2 hrs for God's sake 😂🤣 we did part ways not long after those trips so ignore your in-laws and tell them shut up .

That's so annoying for you OP. My MIL could be like this. An example that sticks in my mind was she asked what we'd done with the kids one day during school holidays, I said we'd gone swimming then geo-caching (kid's choices). She then regaled us with tales of how she didn't do boring activities, and how they walked up some mountain in Yorkshire and got completely lost but luckily met a man who walked them some of the way back, then went down the wrong side of the mountain and someone else had to take them back to their car and it was after dark when they arrived back. Oh and it was near a military zone and a soldier had turned them back from their path and helped them get to a village.

And I replied "Really? I like to plan things quite well so I don't disrupt the day of random people or require the armed forces to get me back to my car".

Anyway, my response was to reduce the number of times I saw her, and also reduce my speaking time when I did see her. If she started a rant about some activity and how hilarious it was I'd just go on my phone and let DH handle it.

They sound absolutely feral.

My response? "Why on earth do you sleep in a bed at night!? I just sleep on the floor of a shop door-way. Much more fun! Tally-ho!"

Yes I had a FIL like that. He was more the sort to make snide comments. "your children will turn into delinquents as you are going back to work and using a nursery" (SiL didn't work).
I just stuck to the same response "oh FIL! We have a saying back home, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" worked quite well.