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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel low about ageing changes and ask how others cope

119 replies

Glitterballofdreams · 01/05/2026 14:58

I’m 41, and my (large) breasts are noticeably sagging, and it’s getting me down. I have invested in a sleep bra to make things more comfortable at night.
Also noticing more and more fine lines and wrinkles on my face.

I know these aren’t serious concerns, and are 1st world problems in the grand scale of things. But I wondered if anyone else struggles with ageing and if so how they manage it? Any recommendations are highly appreciated! Would love breast surgery but can’t justify it really.

OP posts:
CurdinHenry · 01/05/2026 15:44

I spent my youth as an ugger then came into my own mid thirties. Now mid forties I definitely won't be going quietly into the night - surgery in the next couple of years (although I'll have to hide it from my husband somehow as he wouldn't approve!).

I like flirting with men and the power of moderage sexiness. That can come in adult form, I don't need to kid on I'm young, but I want to be Gillian Anderson/Helen mirren rather than depressing old baggage.

I also think keeping sharp is essential (no bullshit about peri brain fog).

Sausagenbacon · 01/05/2026 15:39

I love your post Miranda65. It says everything i want to say.
Being able to reach the age of 69 is an enourmous gift. I don't think it matters what you are on the outside. The most attractive older women, and men, are the ones livong their lives.

Indianajet · 01/05/2026 15:37

As my dad always said. 'It's better than the alternative ' - in other words, just be happy you're alive.

crackerjackbaby · 01/05/2026 15:35

Blondiebeachbabe · 01/05/2026 15:30

I looked fine at 50. By 52 I had jowls, a turkey neck, under eye bags and hooded eyes!!

I actually had surgery on all of it. I have no regrets!

Please tell me more about the hooded eye surgery!

Owly11 · 01/05/2026 15:34

I think it's better to grieve and accept the losses as you go along, then it's a more manageable task.

Miranda65 · 01/05/2026 15:32

You don't have to "cope", you just accept it.
First of all, because how you look is fundamentally unimportant - there are so many more interesting things about you.
Secondly, you understand that you gain so much more than you lose.... wisdom, experience and ultimately the art of no longer giving a f*ck!

Go to some fun places, meet some brilliant people, read some fascinating books - just enjoy your life!

Empress13 · 01/05/2026 15:32

Iriseee · 01/05/2026 15:28

Hairdresser mirrors are well known portals to a demonic universe. Ignore.

As are changing rooms

Original poster
Glitterballofdreams · 01/05/2026 15:31

Giraffeandthedog · 01/05/2026 15:29

Maybe you could pivot it to looking good for your age rather than trying to look younger?

A woman in her mid 40s (or mid 50s, mid 60s or whatever) who looks her age but really healthy and well looked after is always going to look miles better than someone the same age who is trying to fake looking younger.

Yeah I agree. And I don’t want invasive treatment. I just wondered if anyone else my age struggles with the changing body!

OP posts:
xxxlove · 01/05/2026 15:30

I insist many people have natural charm....cannot always be all about looks

Blondiebeachbabe · 01/05/2026 15:30

I looked fine at 50. By 52 I had jowls, a turkey neck, under eye bags and hooded eyes!!

I actually had surgery on all of it. I have no regrets!

Giraffeandthedog · 01/05/2026 15:29

Maybe you could pivot it to looking good for your age rather than trying to look younger?

A woman in her mid 40s (or mid 50s, mid 60s or whatever) who looks her age but really healthy and well looked after is always going to look miles better than someone the same age who is trying to fake looking younger.

Original poster
Glitterballofdreams · 01/05/2026 15:29

xxxlove · 01/05/2026 15:28

do you have a loving husband? Mine is making me laugh....I have a double chin, overweight and massive saggy tits but he says natural is the best

I’m lucky I do! He sees nothing but beauty, and doesn’t leave me alone. It’s just me that is uncomfortable in my own skin now

OP posts:
xxxlove · 01/05/2026 15:28

do you have a loving husband? Mine is making me laugh....I have a double chin, overweight and massive saggy tits but he says natural is the best

Bunnyofhope · 01/05/2026 15:28

We are old for a lot longer than we are young. Our older selves are our real selves. Visibly biological ageing starts in our 20s. So even if we are a bit down about it, we have 60 plus years to get used to it!

Iriseee · 01/05/2026 15:28

Hairdresser mirrors are well known portals to a demonic universe. Ignore.

Original poster
Glitterballofdreams · 01/05/2026 15:27

TheLargeOnes · 01/05/2026 15:20

You will never find fulfillment in trying to look younger. Even if you temporarily look a bit better, you will gradually become more wrinkly, saggy and noticeably older. These are not bad things btw.

Find something to throw yourself into that has meaning. Remember, practically no one cares how you look, and you can pour endless amounts of time and money and energy into trying to look younger, thinner, perkier but for what? For that tiny amount of time that anyone is thinking about it?

41 year old+ women don't look 25, and they never will. And that's completely normal and okay - the healthiest thing to do is accept it.

With my breasts it’s not to look young it’s more the fact that they are so uncomfortable. Because they’re large, they’re just in the way and I find myself tucking my tshirt under them or constantly wearing a bra. Even more uncomfortable in summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Glitterballofdreams · 01/05/2026 15:25

Rhodesbride · 01/05/2026 15:11

I’m also 41 and all of a sudden I feel like I’m really struggling too. I had my 18year old breast implants removed with an uplift on Tuesday and I’m currently feeling absolutely horrendous but long term I hope this will make me feel better but it’s my face that’s really getting me down. I went to a new hair dresser a few Saturdays ago and it made me feel so old just sat there looking in the mirror for a few hours I looked up about having filler or something done when I got home. Didn’t help the hairdresser was 21 (she was absolutely lovely and did an amazing job blending my greys)
I’ve got a turkey neck coming and look a bit jowly but wouldn’t know what to do about it.

The hairdresser mirror is a killer isn’t it! Hope your uplift helps you feel more comfortable

OP posts:
TheLargeOnes · 01/05/2026 15:20

You will never find fulfillment in trying to look younger. Even if you temporarily look a bit better, you will gradually become more wrinkly, saggy and noticeably older. These are not bad things btw.

Find something to throw yourself into that has meaning. Remember, practically no one cares how you look, and you can pour endless amounts of time and money and energy into trying to look younger, thinner, perkier but for what? For that tiny amount of time that anyone is thinking about it?

41 year old+ women don't look 25, and they never will. And that's completely normal and okay - the healthiest thing to do is accept it.

Rhodesbride · 01/05/2026 15:11

I’m also 41 and all of a sudden I feel like I’m really struggling too. I had my 18year old breast implants removed with an uplift on Tuesday and I’m currently feeling absolutely horrendous but long term I hope this will make me feel better but it’s my face that’s really getting me down. I went to a new hair dresser a few Saturdays ago and it made me feel so old just sat there looking in the mirror for a few hours I looked up about having filler or something done when I got home. Didn’t help the hairdresser was 21 (she was absolutely lovely and did an amazing job blending my greys)
I’ve got a turkey neck coming and look a bit jowly but wouldn’t know what to do about it.