AIBU to feel low about ageing changes and ask how others cope

Appreciate your body. Love it and yourself. It's amazing!

Having lost people close to me who died far too young, I'm just grateful to be here and mostly healthy at age 60. I'm saggy and wrinkly, I'm getting age spots and my skin is dry, but I'm alive, my body works, I have fun, I enjoy myself, it does what I need it to do. Get a sense of perspective about what really matters. There are so many people who won't have the privilege of getting wrinkles.

Aging is the inevitable result of living, for every human being on the planet. We are so lucky. You'll get wrinkly anyway whatever you think or feel about it, so you might as well look at the positive side of it.

Im 46 and my botox era has just started! I love it! Worth every penny!

Completely agree. To stay young you'd have to die young, and I'd take aging as a gift over that.
Sorry about the ones you've lost 💐

And you will readjust, remember one day you’ll look back on pictures of you today and marvel at how you look, how easily you move. Live for who you are today, write a list of everything that makes you you, one really powerful method is to write for 5 minutes on how you feel about yourself at this moment, then write for 3 minutes on how your best friend would describe you. Then write for 1 minute on what you’re going to take forward from this. You can also think about a time when you were younger and felt insecure and write a letter of support to your yourself knowing what you know now, then imagine yourself older than you are by the same number of years as separate you and your younger self (eg if you imagine yourself as 20 then imagine yourself as 60) and ask your older self to write a letter to you today, what would you say..

The same as changing rooms, they all remind me of circus mirrors. 😂

I am a similar age op, and have just noticed some early signs of aging for the first time. I have put it down to the effects of a really stressful few years, and deluding myself that I can reverse it 🤭.
If it helps dh's Uncle got botox/fillers, but must have over done it, and when it wore off Jesus rhe difference, he looked worse than before he had it. I would avoid until you really need it, and even then they say just a tiny bit.
What is the age where women feel comfortable aging? Maybe the first signs are the shock to the system? I have definately noticed I don't look in my 20s anymore, I didn't feel much different for most of 30s, but now I am seeing it.

In general, I think it's becoming more complicated because I see more and more people who are taking steps

Then they look a lot better

Then it becomes a cycle because everyone you see around you looks better and you think, oh I should do that ...

@Glitterballofdreams this kind of thing hit me at 50 but not really enough to do anything about it

My mum thought about having a breast reduction, but was horrified about the surgery and then found after menopause. They shrunk a bit anyway.

@Rhodesbride what was the uplift like? I don't need mine reduced, but I'm curious about getting an uplift.

I don't know what to say in general - I haven't done anything because every time I think about it, it seems awful and risky

There's a thread about a filler facelift I think I might consider that

A lot of women I know have things injected into their face. I haven't had anything so far. It might be something I do if I can get past how scary it all is

And then I think what if I just become discontent with something else...

Totally agree with this. Through work I had some interactions with a woman in her forties who’d been diagnosis with stage 4 cancer. Really brought it home how much I have to be thankful for.

Could it be peri, OP?

Don’t want to sound smug or preachy but I usually think of my friends/loved ones who didn’t make it past 40, then realise growing older is a gift so I should just enjoy my life

I know how you feel op. I turn 49 in a couple of weeks and over the last 4/5 years I’ve had some stressful times and hormones have been going crazy and I had cancer (caught early, easily treated). I felt like I was noticeably aging quicker.
My response has been to try to look after myself a little bit better; eating well, more exercise, taking HRT, taking supplements that I need, minoxidil to try to get my hair a bit thicker (worked a bit but what’s coming through is grey and I can’t be bothered to dye it). I’ve also improved my skincare by adding retinol and vitamin C.
i might sound like I’ve fallen into all the traps set to help middle aged women part with their cash but I have seen improvement (and people have noticed) and I feel well and that’s the main thing.
So my approach really is going to be to age well on my own terms healthily with no regrets. I’ve also sadly lost a couple of friends to cancer over the last couple of years and that has definitely made me appreciate my good fortune. That being said I would totally have breast reduction too if I could afford it (and a tummy tuck)! I would never get any work done on my face though, I completely agree with the comment that you either look old or you look odd and I loathe that uncanny valley look.

And that’s how I feel about aging - I embrace it and I’m glad it’s happening to me, that option is worse than all other options.

i “cope” with it by embracing it. Rather than spending money on creams, sticking toxins in your face will either have no effects or just temporarily delay the effects of the march of time.

i would e re commend spend time coming to terms with aging - this will have a permanent effect. Otherwise, at best you’ll just be kicking the problem down the road.

You’re beautiful, you’re alive, you have lived and have a future.

To answer your first question. You’re not unreasonable to feel low about aging given the constant push for women to look 25 forever, but you are unreasonable not to try and change your mindset to reject such notions for the sake of your own mental health

This entirely.

You can’t stop time.

You need to find other aspects of your personality and skills that you will be pleased by.

Me too. My impression is that everything suddenly dropped, from my face to my butt to my boobs, right when menopause hit. And I was never good-looking to begin with so I had little to lose but it bugs me.
What keeps me from doing anything stupid is that here in London I've known a lot of women who've had "work" done and while they do look better for a year or two, in 3-4 years they look far, far worse, all unevenly aging and just plain weird. Night of the Living Dead stuff.
(Well that and the fact that I can't afford it...)

I'm just beginning to feel a little apprehensive about getting older.
I've started getting aches and pains and numbness in my arms and legs from time to time. No idea what it is and it's too vague to go to the GP about.
Last year I had a skin cancer removed. This year I've had some gynae problems involving hospital trips.
My hair is getting very thin and scant.
I have osteoporosis.
I have bunions.
I'm in my late 60s and have friends in their 70s and 80s. I see the older ones gradually winding down. Yesterday I found out that someone I haven't seen for a couple of months has died from cancer. Eighteen months ago another acquaintance, who I used to see every week, died from cancer. A friend's husband died from cancer last year. Another friend's husband died from a heart attack a couple of years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy still to be alive and on this amazing journey from youth, through middle age and into old age. It's quite a ride, but now that I'm past 65 I'm increasingly being reminded of my own mortality and the limited amount of healthy lifespan I have left.

When I was 41, I felt the same as I did when I was 21. I think you should make the most of your youth, OP. Older age will surely come to you, but not yet. Get out there and enjoy being young, while you still are!

Just embrace it all, it’s a natural part of life, revel in all the things age brings, wisdom, don’t give a fuck attitude, hopefully stability in life.

There are young people right now who would give anything for the chance to get to the age of having a few wrinkles.

chasing something that we are not willing to never bring happiness.

Gratitude. I know people that didnt make it to 41, and other who won't make it to 51.

I think about how much more I could have done when I was younger if I had cared a bit less about what I and others looked like.

If you make it to 81 you'll yearf for the body you have now.

I can't imagine "never going in the sun" just to prevent a bit of aging. Where's the fun in that?

I'm 10 years older than you OP and I don't worry or care about the aesthetic side of things at all.
I have had several health issues creep up in the last couple of years and have had non stop womb issues which have seriously affected my life and work.
ALL I care about at this point is my health. My saggy boobs don't even register anymore.

I get what you're saying, but I think after a certain age we know that people aren't wrinkle/jowl/line free naturally. So it stops looking like "aging well" and looks like "had work done".

I also think botox often looks good when our faces are still (how we tend to look at ourselves in the mirror) but when we move our faces to talk or express ourselves it looks unnatural.

That's just my opinion, I know plenty will disagree.

P.S. Did anyone tell you about the 'sex surge' before menopause. Your hormones will go nuts and make you become a teenage boy with a huge sex drive. You have a husband luckily but I have spend lots on batteries. Nobody warns you about this. I am looking forward to this being over (the sex surge) and I have new found sympathy now for teenage boys with their overpowering sex drive. Never in my whole life have I had such strong sexual urges. I guess it is mother natures way of saying 'breed now, you're running out of time'. Thankfully it is only just before and after my period or I wouldn't be getting anything else done. Warn your husband now!!! I am assuming they will go away once I go through menopause. In the meantime may as well enjoy it I suppose. See you will never look at middle aged woman the same again!