AIBU to refuse to intervene in a friend's job application?

I would put this down to it being a very stressful time for them - though obviously it does not excuse it it might go some way to explaining it.

I would message and say that I understand it's a difficult time but that I did offer a significant amount of help with the prep work to secure an interview, which was almost entirely declined (I wonder if she actually knows he didn't bother?), then add that I don't really have a relationship with the hiring manager nor am privy to the final selection process therefore that it wouldn't have been at all professionally appropriate to intervene at a stage when interview selection had already been made.

I'd wish them the best but not expect to hear from them again to be honest, or care that much if I did as it doesn't sound like a close relationship.

You did nothing wrong, quite the opposite. If he didn't want to accept help he can't complain about not being offered an interview. If his application wasn't strong enough for that initial stage he was hardly going to have actually got the job. That's nothing to do with you.

The fact her husband did not want to talk to you directly and heed your wise advice just shows what kind of an employee he would be. Its obvious she is venting at you as she must be so frustrated with his poor behaviour. Deep down she will know he really wasn't that interested in getting a job anyway. I'd give a wide birth - you don't need this kind of drama after doing a good deed that he chose to completely ignore.

I would think that your friend is terrified of the future with her husband unemployed and unable to contribute to living expenses.
I bet she carries all the mental load already and is frantic to solve the looming crisis when savings run out.

The fear and stress has made her put all her trust and faith in you to help him. Maybe she already suspect's he isn’t a perfect candidate and she feels rather humiliated in front of you that he was turned down.

The fact that she asked you to intervene in the hiring process of a company you don’t even work for, demonstrates the level of her desperation and recklessness to get him a job.

Sadly, she has humiliated herself further by asking you the impossible. She probably can’t process any of it for now…until things settle back into some sort of normal, with him earning.
So I wouldn’t pursue the friendship for now.
You were generous and very kind to help in the way you did. You did nothing to deserve the fury aimed at you. She just isn’t thinking straight.
Try to let it go for now OP.

Absolutely YANBU and I say that as someone whose husband has just started working after 18 months of looking, having been made redundant.

We did have friends calling with "I've heard there may be an opening at X" and one friend did introduce DH to her CEO who was hiring for his speciality but I didn't phone her and demand she get her CEO to reconsider after she decided not to move forward with using his expertise....!

I imagine she's probably fairly stressed and worried, so perhaps cut her some slack. She may realise she's been (very) unreasonable and apologised when she's had some time to ponder....

You should ask her why she doesn't contact the hiring manager - as neither of you work there you would have the same authority - maybe then she can see she's being beyond unreasonable

You offered……he declined…..he didn’t get short listed……that’s tough but he should learn from this and use it to strengthen his next application.

I think you friend probably has a good idea about her partners lack of effort / arrogance when it comes to applying for jobs and worries that he’s not going to be able to get a new job by his own efforts . She probably pinned her hopes on you being able to help him. She asked for your advice to be able to pass it onto him, he ignored the advice the only hope she has left is for you to put in a good word to get him an interview.
She pushed you out of desperation, doesn’t make it right though. Sounds like he would muck up an interview anyway so whatever she tries to do won’t work sadly and now she’s spoilt your friendship.

I think we are talking at cross purposes here - I implied that she she had, and you confirmed to her, this idea of you being omnipotent and being able to impact other companies' hiring - that is all. I did not mean people-pleasing at all. As in 'I can't because I am too unimportant', not 'I can't because it is unprofessional'.

I am honestly the most helpful person you could meet. But even I say that you did more than enough and were incredibly kind!

I think that's fine, it's normal to be polite and let people down gently. She was the one being rude asking you to do something unreasonable.

If she does come to her senses and apologise you could point out that it didn't look as though he had taken your advice.

Broken record with your friend "I offered the help I was able to, but your DH did not take my advice. There is nothing more I can do." And repeat. Your friend is desperate I would guess and is being unreasonable.

Agree with others - you were right to hold your boundary. Even if you could influence the decision whether to interview him - given what you’ve said, I imagine he would have gone in ill prepared - which would have resulted both in him not being progressed, but could also make your judgement looked dodgy!!

Recommending anyone for a job is a huge thing, as is intervening at all.

In this situation where your offer of advice was ignored I 100% wouldn't.

He's either arrogant or doesn't want the job, neither of which you want to be associated with.

Let the relationship drift.

I'd be offended too @NotFeelingGuilty

If your friend says something again, say you offered to read his application before he applied to help strengthen it if needed. He sent it to you after submitting and it didn't contain any of your advice, that you put time and thought in to sending. Unfortunately it is extremely inappropriate, and most likely not even possible, for you to interfere with a recruitment process at a place you don't even work.

@NotFeelingGuilty , I don't think you've been unreasonable at all.

As I'm feeling slightly generous, I'll give your friend some grace and say this is misplaced anger. She's probably at the point where she's so desperate for Mr I'll Ignore All Reasonable Advice to get a job.

Hopefully once she's settled down, she'll realise she's made a right title of herself amd apologise.

Your “friend” is angry at the wrong person- she should be furious with her DH for not accepting help - the line “ he wasn’t available to talk” rang alarm bells for me - if he really wanted to do well wouldn’t you make time to talk?!?

I would send friend a message.

**Actually friend I find the comment “ you let us down” really inappropriate. I don’t work for company x or have anything to do with their recruitment which you know of.

I offered help with what to write and offered to check the CV before submitting - both options were declined or not taken up. That was a choice that was made but that was the extent of all the help I could do. *

I’m too peri-menopausal to let the friend slide quietly after you did indeed help.

The company needs the best person for the job, not someone who knows someone.

OP, your friend doesn't respect you. She used you. If she respected you, or held you and your expertise in high regard she could never treat you as she did. She should be angry at her dh, right? She should be asking him why he didn't take your advice or ask you some questions. I would distance myself at this point and phase the friendship out, ie Sorry, can't meet. Swamped with work atm.
If ever asked by her again about your help then lay it out. He didn't follow my advice last time or take me up on my offer to talk and then you blamed me that he didn't get an interview. I'm not going to help again.

clueless and rude. no way, but even more no way as he ignored your advice on his application- not someone who id recommend for anything!

Why can't you just be direct and say 'who the f do you think I am to dictate to a different company what to do? Chinese government?' or equally honestly 'I am afraid that if I tried to do that, they would think me crazy, the word will get out and I shall become unemployable.'

its sounds possible......