AIBU to refuse to intervene in a friend's job application?

You did everything you could to give him the tools to shine in his CB…he chose not to take that advice on board 🤷🏼‍♀️

What’s that old saying…you can lead a horse to water 🤷🏼‍♀️

You offered help, he declined, you done all you could. Like you say not your place to interfere in the recruitment of another company, and tbh even if it was the company you worked for, if you don't know the guy, why would you vouch for them, if they end up being rubbish you look an idiot!

No I would not consider doing this. Your reputation in the industry would suffer and it does not sound like he is going to be a great asset to the business which would further reflect badly on you.

In my experience women that bend themselves out of shape trying to get lazy arses to work only burn bridges themselves.

I have known a few very nice women with lazy arsed sons that didn't want a job during college, arrange a job through a friend/contact, only for the sons to blow it up by not turning up and not caring.

I have several friends that have have said they will never entertain this again.

My own children got sought after part time jobs through friends, when they really wanted work/money, and it was made crystal clear to them just how lucky they were.....which they knew, as the hours/location, were great and worked for them in university.

They have worked hard for their employer and are taking the summer off to go abroad, and will have a job to return to during the next academic year, such is the effort they made to be valuable.

You cannot make a lazy arsed, of either sex, really want a job if they don't.

I wouldn't dream of risking MY reputation and goodwill with people by recommending anyone, unless I was 100% sure of their commitment.

OP has behaved impeccably throughout this.
In her place I would be letting things drift.

OP, you are right to ghost them from now on. They sound like they have issues between themselves and she sounds like a user and projecting her frustration at her DH onto you.

Your are 100% NBU. You offered a lot of advice which he ignored. Tough!

Not unreasonable. You offered good advice and were ignored. What more do these people want?
I would stop those coffee/lunches.

I have never gone out on a limb for a reference or a recommendation for anyone I don't know well, not least because I wouldn't know what to say! And I never would. Serves nobody's purpose in the long run.

If she's stressed I wouldn't necessarily let the friendship drift as let it slow down while her home life sorts itself out. I wouldn't be cross with her, I think. I'd probably assume she's under a lot of pressure, and whilst I wouldn't appreciate being spoken to the way you were I would let it slide and proceed more slowly and with caution. Sometimes people need understanding and a pass.

And/or deluded about his capacities.

Well, that’s a bit wet lettuce-y, OP. I’d point out, civilly, that you offered advice which was ignored, offered to read the application before it went in (an option which was no taken up), and that this was above and beyond already.

Some people maybe get the idea that getting jobs is all about the connections rather than the application? I know if can work that way sometimes, but for lots of jobs that doesn't really come into it at the early stages.

He sounds like an arrogant idiot and she sounds totally bonkers.

I used to work somewhere a lot of people would also like to be. I think @WallaceinAnderland has worded it perfectly. That’s what I used to say too. It closes down the whole conversation.

You’ve provided help which he chose not to take. Speaking to the hiring party is not appropriate and shouldn’t be expected from you. you’ve supported to the point you can and the rest is on him.

you should explain to your friend that he ignored your advice as it might be helpful for her to then see where he is going wrong and help him.

I voted YANBU.

However, I do think YABU to even second guess yourself on something that would be peculiarly odd and unprofessional behaviour if you were to seek to intervene.

I also wonder if you were overstepping/oversharing in the information and advice you shared about another company gained in the course of your employment.

Sympathies though - no good deed goes unpunished !

I would recommend against doing this, because I think that risks the friend continually asking when the role is likely to be vacant. I wouldn’t leave things open to the friend asking for future help.

You were very kind to offer your expertise, I wish I had a friend like you. I would point out that you did offer help where you reasonably could, but it was declined, and to intervene in any further capacity would be an imposition on your part and reflect very badly on your professional standing.

This is really uncomfortable OP and sorry your friend is being so unreasonable. You have already done plenty

This particularly happens to women that are the parent in the relationship, the one who feels responsible for everything.
An awful place to be.

She's so stressed because he's unemployed she's not being rational. I was in this situation a few times and frankly you get so worried about money and when he will get a new job (after it's gone on for months) you start to lose the plot.
tell your friend what you've written here, you gave strong advice, he chose not to apply any of it to his application, he didn't get the job and repeat ad infinitum. Of course you can't intervene now and speak up for him!

If in any job application I had access to your kind of help and tips I would be ecstatic and super grateful. Only a complete selfish idiot who thinks they know better would turn down a potential gold mine.
Tough kitties now, there is no way back for him, needs to be able to take constructive comments on board

She's annoyed and panicking as her partner is a useless moron and is taking it out on you.