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AIBU?

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Original poster

To buy my daughter a bonnet?

39 replies

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 01/05/2026 10:56

My DD8 has very long, thick hair that tangles easily. I brush it day and night but by the end of the day/the next morning it's tangled again like it hasn't been brushed in days. If it gets skipped even once, it becomes matted.
I'm at my wits end with it. She absolutely HATES having it brushed, and mornings and evenings have become a horrible, stressful emotional battle but she also refuses to have it cut short.
I've tried so many products and shampoos, nothing works. I've given her a silk pillow but she just slides off it in the night.
Do silk bonnets work on European/non afro hair? Has anyone tried one and found they reduced tangles and keep hair silky?
And has anyone got any recommendations at all because it's so stressful to try and manage it.
TIA

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HoiityToity · 02/05/2026 09:38

It’s an insane suggestion to cut her hair off rather than give her a hat to sleep in!

My DDs both sleep in bonnets, as do all their friends whether they have curls or not. My dc are black so they have always had them but they have come to be quite popular now. If my dc forget their bonnets for a holiday or a sleepover or whatever their hair is very difficult to manage the next day.

CrazyCricketLady · 02/05/2026 09:20

I have silk bonnets for my girls. We have to be up early in the mornings and out quick. I try to give them as much time as possible so we be hair the night before and use a bonnet so no fussing in the morning. It work well they both have long thick blonde hair

GiggleWiggle246 · 02/05/2026 08:11

My daughter has the same type of hair and wears a bonnet to bed. It’s kept her hair so shiny and tangle free. She’d wake up before she started wearing it and the front of her hair would be so frizzy as well as at the nape of her neck, I could never get a brush through it. She’s recently started doing heatless curls to bed with the bonnet over and her hair looks amazing in the morning.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 01/05/2026 22:29

I put bryl cream in my hair each time I wash it and I don't have any issues with tangles.

ForPinkDuck · 01/05/2026 22:22

^ yes me to really horrible. Try the bonnet, dds haor was platted overnight and i used to comb it witb conditioner in.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/05/2026 21:59

Sloom · 01/05/2026 14:23

I had my long hair chopped at my mum's insistence with tears rolling down my face. Horrible way to treat a child. No way would I do it to mine. Hopefully these days a hairdresser would refuse to do it too.

Show quote history

I had the same experience.

RachTheAlpaca · 01/05/2026 21:53

My hair does the same so I do a loose plait before bed

Reevester · 01/05/2026 20:39

Yes get the one from boots £9 absolutely fantastic. Have worn it for years, just do a plait or low pony.

Sloom · 01/05/2026 20:32

CurlewKate · 01/05/2026 20:23

I’m not suggesting cutting it against her will! But it’s worth talking about. Making sure she knows it’s an option.

The OP mentioned that DD refuses to get it cut. I think we can take from that that OP has already thought of talking about it and offering it as an option.

usedtobeaylis · 01/05/2026 20:25

Two plaits.

Can you get her thinned if she doesn't want it short? A restyle might make all the difference.

CurlewKate · 01/05/2026 20:23

I’m not suggesting cutting it against her will! But it’s worth talking about. Making sure she knows it’s an option.

StandingDeskDisco · 01/05/2026 15:05

Genuine tangle-teezer brush, and Sainsbury's spray-in detangler. Spray on loads and loads til it acually looks wet.
When washing, with the conditioner still in, come very thoroughly while in the bath or shower, then rinse gently.

HughManity · 01/05/2026 14:34

Put it in plaits.

If she hates having it brushed, review your brushing technique. My mother used to be rough brushing mine and it hurt.

She's 8, let her brush or comb her own hair or do it gently.

Is it mediterranean hair?

Mine isn't but has a wave. My mother had never had long hair. Mine doesn't like brushes and I use a wide-toothed comb.

Sloom · 01/05/2026 14:31

Plaits always came with a big halo of frizz for DD. Another sign that there were curls there waiting to happen!

takealettermsjones · 01/05/2026 14:29

I agree with PPs re. plaits, and I use John Freida Weightless Wonder Featherlight Smoothing Crème on DD's hair - works wonders.

Sidebeforeself · 01/05/2026 14:27

KarmenPQZ · 01/05/2026 11:01

How is she wearing it? Surely just French plait it every other day or something would be fine?

if she isn’t tolerating it being brushed the. It needs to be cut into a pixie do or similar till she’s ready to look after it herself?

Please don’t cut it into a pixie if she doesn’t want it. My Mum did this “ to control my hair “ and it left me feeling I’d done something wrong or it was my fault in some way. I hated my short hair and being mistaken for a boy. Now in my fifties I wear my hair longer than suits me but I can’t risk getting it cut too short!

Rootintootincowgirl · 01/05/2026 14:24

When DD’s hair was long, I would plait it over night (not French) and it stayed tangle free - just a quick run through with a brush to tidy it up.

I would wash it with loads of conditioners brush it through and plait it while wet.

I know it’s not advised but it worked for us!

Diluted conditioner can act as a detangler too

Sloom · 01/05/2026 14:23

KarmenPQZ · 01/05/2026 14:09

@Slouped my hair is tricky but not too bad. My 12 year olds however is very tricky and we’ve had to work with her to manage it together til she was able to do good chunks of it herself.

maybe pixie cut is too specific to suit everyone but if long and not manageable then it absolutely needs to be shorter

Edited

I had my long hair chopped at my mum's insistence with tears rolling down my face. Horrible way to treat a child. No way would I do it to mine. Hopefully these days a hairdresser would refuse to do it too.

5128gap · 01/05/2026 14:14

I have European hair. Very long, curly and fine. A silk bonnet has been a game changer. Not only is my hair pretty much the same on waking as when I went to bed reducing styling, but there is way less breakage from rubbing against the pillow.

ChocHotolate · 01/05/2026 14:10

Has she got curly hair? My mum always told me I had hair like this, turns out it’s actually really curly and should never have been brushed dry

KarmenPQZ · 01/05/2026 14:09

@Slouped my hair is tricky but not too bad. My 12 year olds however is very tricky and we’ve had to work with her to manage it together til she was able to do good chunks of it herself.

maybe pixie cut is too specific to suit everyone but if long and not manageable then it absolutely needs to be shorter

CurlewKate · 01/05/2026 13:49

Maybe get it cut? If it’s not bringing anyone any pleasure….

Hankunamatata · 01/05/2026 13:48

Do you braid it before bed?

Iv long thick hair. Each night I spray it with leave in conditioner, brush through and braid it. Doesnt have to be fancy just simple plait does the job.

Slouped · 01/05/2026 13:47

KarmenPQZ · 01/05/2026 11:01

How is she wearing it? Surely just French plait it every other day or something would be fine?

if she isn’t tolerating it being brushed the. It needs to be cut into a pixie do or similar till she’s ready to look after it herself?

I feel like these are the words of someone who does not have tricky hair 😂 My hair would be even more of a disaster in a pixie cut.

mochimoons · 01/05/2026 13:45

I can't speak to the bonnet and it might be a silly question but do you have a tangle teaser?