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Original poster

To wonder why people seem to often know their neighbours less well now?

168 replies

Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 02:14

I've been thinking about this. My grandmother was a teacher and parent in the 1960s and 70s, and she was friendly with most of the neighbours. She had had years off when the kids were young (though she then went back and worked full time as a teacher) so maybe this helped give her more time to befriend the neighbours?
I've seen some articles say women not being temporary or permanent SAHMs as much is a factor, but I'm sometimes a bit sceptical as some seem to have an agenda of women working being bad. Also puts all the onus on community networking onto women rather than their husbands..

There's surely other reasons...moving is more common, for one. Collapse of community institutions which might have facilitated neighbour friendships more. And the lack of secure housing, renting more common etc In some cases, second homes meaning the residents aren't there a lot of the time (my DM' neighbours, for one)

OP posts:
circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 19:07

@Mumteedum just not my experience of millennials at all.

Sorry have I committed another sin?

Now that’s between you and God!

Abso · 01/05/2026 19:06

People's lives used to be much more local.

They walked to the local shops more, had to go to the post office, bank, greengrocers a lot more. They were out and about in the local area more, so saw their neighbours more and got to know them more.

We're much more insular now.

circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 19:05

I read somewhere - can't remember where - that short interactions with people who aren't friends or even acquaintances (like neighbours you chat briefly to if you bump into) are a lot more important to wellbeing than previously thought

Thats interesting, DH sees the same commuters on the school run & says hello. I was with him the other day & it cheered me up!

Mumteedum · 01/05/2026 19:05

circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 18:57

In my experience, it's the millennials who just don't want to even make eye contact, let alone pass the time of day.

Millennials?

Thirty and forty somethings?

Sorry have I committed another sin?

Mumteedum · 01/05/2026 19:04

circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 18:58

And it's not being busy. Nobody is busier than me or my 58 year old neighbour

How on earth can you know that? 😆

Sigh.... because if I wasn't so exhausted then perhaps I'd have chosen words that people didn't need to nit pick at 🫩

circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 19:00

I’m in London & know my neighbours, we have drinks occasionally & cat sit etc.

Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:59

Eviebeans · 01/05/2026 03:43

When my children were young and I picked them up from school if they asked if a friend could come to play I was able to say yes and the other mum and children would pop in for a drink and a snack and the children would play for a while or a couple of mums would arrange to take a picnic type tea to the park after school- arranged in the morning and happened that same afternoon.
social activities were cheap and spontaneous

Our house was very obviously home to three children and there was not a lot of money to spare but the people we knew were in the same boat so it didn’t matter
I realise now that we were very lucky to be able to do that

now that I have grandchildren I notice that if they want to do something it is a “play date” organised sometimes weeks in advance - lots of their classmates will be in some form of wrap around care or at activities after school

adults are often working long hours to pay for houses that cost a fortune but that they spend very few hours in (apart from sleeping)
children seem to be spending less time in their own homes (wrap around care, school, pre booked activities)
No time for a “quick coffee and a chat”
life is very different now and it’s not always a good thing

This isn't necessarily true that thus bit : ' When my children were young and I picked them up from school if they asked if a friend could come to play I was able to say yes and the other mum and children would pop in for a drink and a snack and the children would play for a while or a couple of mums would arrange to take a picnic type tea to the park after school- arranged in the morning and happened that same afternoon.
social activities were cheap and spontaneous' isn't something families with 2 working parents do. It depends very much on what kind of job they have, how long the hours are etc
I agree children are in wrap around care etc too much but the rise of extracurriculars isn't wholly negative. I do think it's too much often, but arguably it's driven more by pressure to get into schools and have stuff for uni applications than it is by parents working more.

OP posts:
circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 18:58

And it's not being busy. Nobody is busier than me or my 58 year old neighbour

How on earth can you know that? 😆

circusrunaways · 01/05/2026 18:57

In my experience, it's the millennials who just don't want to even make eye contact, let alone pass the time of day.

Millennials?

Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:55

Mumteedum · 01/05/2026 18:35

In my experience, it's the millennials who just don't want to even make eye contact, let alone pass the time of day.

My other neighbours are more neighbourly from age 50-90. The teens are nice enough kids too.

My friend had a new neighbour who went out of her way to avoid any interaction. DF had taken her a housewarming gift and she was down right ride!

And it's not being busy. Nobody is busier than me or my 58 year old neighbour.

People seem to be losing social skills but I don't know why I've noticed it so much with the thirty somethings.

Screen time part of it?

OP posts:
k1233 · 01/05/2026 18:47

I know all my neighbours. Always have. I make a point of introducing myself and animals and saying if there are any issues eg barking, please let me know. We don’t hang out but it's not unusual to text and ask them to eg take in an unexpected parcel.

I see people on here saying they don't answer their doors when people knock - I just don't get it.

Then again, I am from the country, and when you're hours from anywhere, knowing your neighbours is important.

DefiantRabbit9 · 01/05/2026 18:35

If we're talking 'over the fence' both my 'over the fences' don't speak english which for me is a blessing.

I don't WANT to know my neighbors. I spend all day stuck in an office talking to people, pretending to care about them. I have no interest in doing it when I get home. I had to tolerate that BS when I lived in the house I grew up in.

Mumteedum · 01/05/2026 18:35

In my experience, it's the millennials who just don't want to even make eye contact, let alone pass the time of day.

My other neighbours are more neighbourly from age 50-90. The teens are nice enough kids too.

My friend had a new neighbour who went out of her way to avoid any interaction. DF had taken her a housewarming gift and she was down right ride!

And it's not being busy. Nobody is busier than me or my 58 year old neighbour.

People seem to be losing social skills but I don't know why I've noticed it so much with the thirty somethings.

Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:35

AplineDaisies · 01/05/2026 18:31

I absolutely do not understand this.
When we were about to move to our road, we knocked on the next door neighbours houses and introduced ourselves. One set invited us in. This was actually before we even exchanged contracts.
We are in London- all neighbours mc, all working.
They babysit our kids and one set have keys to our house. We go over to each others' houses for drinks/ dinner
WhatsApp group on the road which is helpful . I have always lived in London and have always made the decision to be friendly to neighbours.

That sounds like a good setup. More people in London need that.

OP posts:
strawlight · 01/05/2026 18:34

I also think, back in the day, the local pub was the hive of the community. Now a lot of them have closed, and it’s so pricey to go out drinking, people just don’t socialise like that as much.

Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:34

Netcurtainnelly · 01/05/2026 18:30

People are more selfish today they think nothing of moving in and pissing off their neighbours.
There's less respect and care, but having said that there still are people who get on with their neighbours .
I know someone who is still friendly with their old neighbours, they move away but they still see one another. Alot of it's dependant on the people involved.

I'm sure this is part of it. Even if you aren't very busy, no one wants to socialise with horrible neighbours.

OP posts:
strawlight · 01/05/2026 18:32

I make a concerted effort to NOT know my neighbours too well. I mean, I know who they all are (even have some phone numbers) but the last thing I want when in my house/garden/sanctuary is some fucker popping their head over the fence or calling in for a cuppa. Once bitten, twice shy.

AplineDaisies · 01/05/2026 18:31

I absolutely do not understand this.
When we were about to move to our road, we knocked on the next door neighbours houses and introduced ourselves. One set invited us in. This was actually before we even exchanged contracts.
We are in London- all neighbours mc, all working.
They babysit our kids and one set have keys to our house. We go over to each others' houses for drinks/ dinner
WhatsApp group on the road which is helpful . I have always lived in London and have always made the decision to be friendly to neighbours.

MrsDoubtfire123 · 01/05/2026 18:31

PrincessFairyWren · 01/05/2026 02:40

I think it is because we are so busy. People work further from home and have longer commutes. Less time out of the workforce after having a child. Kids don't always go to the nearest school like they used to.

Also the way we socialise has changed. When I was younger my parents would invite other families over for dinner or a bbq, very casual. Or a drop in for a cup of tea. However now people want to go to a coffee shop or restaurant, or dinner at home needs to be a dinner party.

this is very true !

Netcurtainnelly · 01/05/2026 18:30

People are more selfish today they think nothing of moving in and pissing off their neighbours.
There's less respect and care, but having said that there still are people who get on with their neighbours .
I know someone who is still friendly with their old neighbours, they move away but they still see one another. Alot of it's dependant on the people involved.

Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:28

LameBorzoi · 01/05/2026 04:00

Increased cost of living, so everyone working longer hours. Then no one has time or energy for chatting.

I don't want to go back to women being housewives, but I do think we've lost a lot with all adults working full time. I thonk we need to normalise part time work.

This

OP posts:
Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:28

sunflowersintheday · 01/05/2026 07:38

People have always been busy. There wasn't some halcyon time when ordinary people had a lot of leisure to chat randomly. Working class women have always worked. Both my grandmothers were cleaners. People connected because they needed to. Shops closed at 5.30 and all day Sunday, so if you ran out of something, you'd often borrow from a neighbour. People answered their doors, said Good Morning and Good Evening. There was less disposable income, so people helped each other a bit more, understanding that they'd get the same support.
You have to make an effort. Be proactive - I'm friends with all my neighbours because of this.

This

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asdbaybeeee · 01/05/2026 18:25

We moved to our estate 16 years ago we were both working full time and never saw the neighbours. A lot knew each other because they had bought new houses together five years previously and mostly had young kids so bonded. We got to know them a bit in lockdown and are now on hello terms

Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:25

Credittocress · 01/05/2026 07:47

Rise of the car means people now have more choice where they socialise and therefore who with. 2 car households were rare in the 60s and 70s, do if the man used it to get to work, women would be stuck within walking distance of home.

Stuck within walking distance of home - wouldn't train & bus have been available for some? 2 cars certainly must have helped a lot, though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giselle374 · 01/05/2026 18:23

sunflowersintheday · 01/05/2026 07:55

Many people work from home. They have no commuting and can immediately switch work off. That's quite a change from the past and you'd think it would give more time to connect with neighbours.

This...it surely does for some, but how common is that?

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