Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel frustrated by my husband's demanding adult daughter?

61 replies

Fab33 · 01/05/2026 01:57

I have a partner that has one child (adult) daughter late 20s she is well putting it politely very demanding of his time, she has a good job partner of her own no real friends tbh but a good career and partner and home appears happy in herself etc, I came into her dad's life afew years ago we are now married set up home together, I absolutely step back and allow them time alone and to do activities together ,active involve her in our day to day lives, we get on OK etc but I have recently been falling out with my partner as tbh it's really reduculous how he is with her .
HE IS A good dad yes, but never says no to her she will turn up at house on her days off want lifts all over, demand dad takes her here there and every where, finds excuses to have him go to her house constantly rings and texts like a unusual high amount, I cannot expect her to change a relationship with her dad because we are together and I don't expect to I honestly take a step back but it's very strange, for context mum isn't on the scene so may exain abit why she is as she is, but a example of the way she is, she turns up wanting a lift home(we live in a busy town centre), and then insists dad drives her 30 mins for something takes her to supermarket and all sorts 3 hours and the where just nipping her home,
Every time she knows dad and I have a day off together and she is at home she's ringing and texting and finds a excuse to need him, I have no restrictions as to when she visits and I encourage them to do activities together but I am finding this is causing a huge wedge between us as we never get any "" us""time literally if she is off work she bombard our days, dad is retired I work still part time.
I have spoken to him and he just says she is demanding and agrees but he basically will not say no to her ever,
I absolutely believe she shoukd come first and her needs as his adult child but at what point does it stop struggling and finding it hard to see a future where I'm not getting annoyed at a constant basically adult demanding toddler!

OP posts:
SleepQuest33 · 01/05/2026 07:28

That sounds completely over the top for an adult. My guess is that DH has overcompensate for decades for whatever reason and now it’s difficult to break the pattern.

He’s going to have to gently but surely let her break away and stop being so dependent on him, it’s not healthy and it’s unfair on you.

Alwaysthesameoldstory · 01/05/2026 07:13

BollyMolly · 01/05/2026 04:15

You clearly dislike her and resent that she and your husband have a close relationship, but your DH is happy with it, and it’s up to him. You don’t hear to control him out of jealousy. I don’t think it’s ridiculous for a woman to be close to her Dad. When women are close to their mothers no one bats an eyelid.

OP does not come over as jealous .
Her DH 's DD however comes over as extremely manipulative and her behaviour is totally unreasonable. And OP's DH is enabling this behaviour.

If OP's H continues to pander to his DD's every whim and continues to put his adult DD first despite her clear jealousy of his relationship with his wife then I don't see much future for the marriage.

Endofyear · 01/05/2026 07:05

It's not going to change, your DH has already said he's quite happy with the current relationship with his daughter. So the question is really, do you stay and put up with it or do you leave?

Daleksatemyshed · 01/05/2026 07:04

Your DH has probably spent years trying to make up for her DM not being about but he should have pulled back sooner. Your marriage is being damaged and your retirement will just be more of the same unless he's willing to put you first now and then. Tell him you want a few days kept aside for the two of you, on those days if his DD calls the answers no.

DeathNote11 · 01/05/2026 05:16

There's a reason why people with no friends, have no friends.

ShetlandishMum · 01/05/2026 05:08

You have a DH problem...

Tourmalines · 01/05/2026 04:18

No, her needs as an adult child do not come before yours as you are his wife . You need to speak to him again .

BollyMolly · 01/05/2026 04:15

You clearly dislike her and resent that she and your husband have a close relationship, but your DH is happy with it, and it’s up to him. You don’t hear to control him out of jealousy. I don’t think it’s ridiculous for a woman to be close to her Dad. When women are close to their mothers no one bats an eyelid.

PollyBell · 01/05/2026 04:11

There is helping children even as an adult and there is being the worlds biggest adult, but it wont change

Andylion · 01/05/2026 04:06

I absolutely believe she shoukd come first and her needs as his adult child

Why should she come first when, as you say, she is an adult?

Meadowfinch · 01/05/2026 02:26

She is proving that she is most important and you are nothing, quite intentionally. Surely you knew how she behaved before you married him. That he was incapable of saying no to her.
I'm not sure where you go from here. Try discussing it with your dh, but that is unlikely to go well. If it doesn't work, wait until it happens next and go out for the day. Don't communicate. Make him understand how it feels.

Swipe left for the next trending thread