DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

What he did and done and spent before he met you, has nothing to do with you.

YABU for marrying someone who you seem to be financially incompatible with. YANBU for thinking it’s not right that inheritance is split with existing kids and grandkids. What if his son has 4 more kids and your daughter has none? She ends up with hardly anything. Inheritance is usually split by immediate offspring. He can do a small gift to His grandson if he wants. Inheritance at a young age is not always beneficial… perhaps as the disappearing £30k has shown.

Exactly this. This man has no assets. He's paying an interest only mortgage on a property he has no equity in, yet assumes he gets 2 thirds of OPs assets to give to his adult child and grandchild.

OP, if you have equity in your home I would divorce him now. With such a short marriage he won't be entitled to your property. The nerve of him thinking he's entitled to most of your estate!

I think you are unreasonable for expecting him to account for money he received years before he met you, but you are not unreasonable to have concerns about his financial continence. He presumably has lived on a much higher income than you over the last decade or so - an interest only mortgage and a good inheritance sum - and has little to show for it. You married him so now I think you need to have a much closer grip on your JOINT finances to make sure you don’t end up subsidising his next 2 decades. The house is presumably in your name? He should use the money from his house sale to buy in half the equity and then be added to the deeds and mortga. If he will not do this and wants to keep the money to fritter away I would be very worried. I’d honestly reconsider the marriage and suggest undoing it (you have not been married long and it should be a simple reset to starting point) then you can live happily together as an unmarried couple where your finances are not tied and he can do whatever he wants and leave money to whoever he wants so long as he pays his fair share.

Yes ok, that's not sensible but explainable in that way - but what has happened to the very large amount of equity his house will have earned since 2006 ? On interest only it will have increased by 65 to 70% in value.
The elephant in the room here isn't really frittering the inheritance - because if he hadn't also frittered away a likley much larger amount of house equity - the op wouldn't be posting on here worrying about the 30k.

He refused to explain it - not quite the same as not being able to explain it.

Just because a mortgage is interest only doesn’t mean that it would be affordable on a repayment basis.

Ideally he would have been saving what he could to pay off chunks every time he remortgaged, but it depends on the size of the mortgage as to how affordable it would be to switch.

Is his mortgage company aware that the house is let out, I wonder?

You may have “nothing to show for it” (although in a way you have, in that you have a home and a lack of the debt it paid off) but you can easily explain what happened to the money - you just did. Op’s husband can’t explain what happened to his money.

Yanbu. To me it’s a red flag (although too late for red flags now you’re married) that someone can’t explain how they blew through £30k, which is worth around 44-47k in today’s money.
Even more worrying is why he’s been on an interest-only mortgage for the last 20 years with no attempt to repay the capital. And on a variable rate! What the hell has he been doing with his money for 20 years?

So I’d definitely be concerned that he has no financial sense, and now you’re financially tied to him. Is he on the deeds to your house? Is he essentially living in your house for free while you pay the mortgage?

No, it depends on what assets they brought to the relationship 5-10 years ago and how they have set up mortgages and whether DH has been added to the title deeds etc.

DH can leave his personal assets [the other house] how he wishes - whether to his DW or to his DS and DGS; OP should sort her finances out and do a will that leaves all her assets to her child, ie the house she lives in now with DH. If he is selling the other house rather than holding on to it this complicates matters considerably: in these circumstances, so long as he is breaking even on rent/mortgage, I would counsel him to keep it so that he also has an asset - once proceeds from that sale become intermingled with OP’s monies, she has less strength to arguing that her house is hers alone and should go to her DC. It effectively becomes the main marital home if he sells his property, but DH is also vulnerable as the house may not be in his name. It is only a joint marital asset in the event of a divorce - if she leaves it to her child, I think he cannot easily argue that he is entitled to a share if expressly excluded in a will, though a court may rule differently [I may be completely wrong, so they absolutely need to discuss all this with a solicitor].

If they want their respective children to get only their share of their parent’s assets, OP/DH should not be looking at their assets as a joint pot and splitting it 50/50 as it is unlikely that this is what they brought to the relationship (and, I assume, both their individual properties are still in their individual names per their title deeds). They both need independent legal advice and to write wills that leave those assets to their respective children(or grandchildren), if this is what they each feel is fair.

£30,000 is only £3000 a year over 10 years. That kind of money can easily be spent on repairs, car, bills, weekends away, concerts, sports matches, coffee, beer, dinner etc. You enjoy saving, he doesn't.

I think YANBU re the distribution, you both have 1 child each, it should be split 50/50. His DS can then decide if he wants to pass some on to the DGC
but YABU re the old inheritance. What he did with it really isn’t any of your business

Gosh, the entitlement to think you have any right to know what he did with an inheritance from a decade before he knew you. I wouldn't tell you on principle, whether I'd invested it sensibly or frittered it away on coke.

But if your attitudes to money now are incompatible then that's a reason to split up.

So he has two people (children) that he wants to leave his money to and she has one we established that approximately 17 hours ago
Do keep up

Make a will for the future. Being mad about something that happened before you met him is a waste of energy.

I inherited £10k from my grandfather and have ‘nothing to show for it’ either. About half went on paying off student loans, £2k on treating myself, and the remaining £3k or so got swallowed up when I bought my first home. I find it odd that he doesn’t want to tell you where it went but maybe that’s just because he didn’t do anything specific with it, it just dwindled down over the years with general life expenses?

YANBU.

His lack of transparency and having an ‘interest only’ mortgage indicates he’s crap with money and has an ‘easy come, easy go’ attitude to finances.

VERY BAD!

You’re not his girlfriend, you're his wife and financial matters should be discussed and agreed and I think given his attitude, he needs to let you manage all family money.

Hopefully, you can both agree an amount of spending money that he can fritter away on shite without it impacting the family budget.

Don’t let him use sulking as a way to shut this down.

Absolutely this. Get over yourself. It has nothing to do with you.

Me too

Were you planning to leave half your estate to your DD and half to his DS, @Booboomylove

I agree that 30k spent years ago is not your business but I think it signals your concern that he may be hopeless with money as it wasn't used to pay down mortgage or a deposit. You need to get on the same page financially.

I don’t really understand your outrage. It was before he met you.

It’s not an unreasonable question. We all talk about lots of things to our partners that may not be ‘their business’, but we can talk about them like adults.

strooping off to bed is not a good reaction.

I would be more worried that he wants to leave 2/3 to his child and grandkid especially when you know he is terrible with money do likely you are contributing more to your overall financial position.
I wouldn't feel I needed to account for what I did with money 10 years before meeting my partner though

The inheritance he received 15 years ago is none of your business, however, it seems like you have some other issues;

1. Hes not been paying off his mortgage which is pretty bad financial planning - what was he going to do when he retired?
2. Hes mad if he thinks his GC should get an equal part of inheritance as your child.
3. He doesn’t owe you an explanation about the inheritance but I’d find it weird he wouldn’t discuss it.