DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

yabu

I think you already know he’s irresponsible with money. Having an interest only mortgage for that long with interest rates close to zero for a decade tells you that. As a couple you should be able to talk about what the money was spent on, but you don’t get to judge him for it - I suspect this is why he won’t tell you as you’ll criticise his choices & may unintentionally make him feel useless or small. Married couples should have these difficult conversations especially as this is both of your second time at marriage. In terms of the inheritance it should be equally between your children - not grandchildren.

Well that is something I don't know.

I mean for me, I could imagine someone spunking it off on random stuff that either doesn't look sensible or hasn't made his life better in the long term. And maybe feeling a bit embarrassed about admitting it.

He probably wishes he didn't bother saying he got it in the first place. That wasn't a very sensible move.

If I had an inheritance ten years before I met my partner and spent it I wouldn't feel it was their business what it went on. I'd just say 'more indulgent lifestyle choices. I had fun with it.'

No problem.

You need to find yourself a less misogynistic vocabulary. Do you have trouble articulating your thoughts without using insults?

Also why is it man-hating? My thoughts would be the same regardless of which way round the sexes were in this situation. I also really like most of the men I know, especially my husband.

So why can’t he just say that then?

I don’t like men who refer to women as shrews and I don’t like men who refer to women as Karens. Both are sexist.

So your “support” is unwelcome.

And neither should you have to despite what these overzealous, man hating Karens on this thread are saying...😂

I inherited from each of my DGMs. One happened shortly before I bought a house with DP so I used it for a deposit. The other - I don’t know. I was freelancing at the time so I think it just went into my half of household expenses. I didn’t do a big thing with it, so I would struggle to say exactly what “I had to show for it “

Because it's 3k a year over ten odd years. He probably spent it in the pub, on clothes, holidays, deliveroo, other women?

At the end of the day it matters not a lot as it's not there anymore.

Exactly this. She needs proper legal advice to protect her child. House can be left in trust so surviving partner can live in it but your own child then receives half but it needs to be set up properly.
We are doing this anyway in case I pre - decease my husband and he remarries. He is not financially savvy and I wouldn’t want any savvy future wife doing my girls out of what I worked for.

I’ve received several small inheritances. My husband has never asked how much they or what I planned to do/did with them.

I’m not sure how I’d feel if he did, but I think I’d find it quite intrusive and as if he didn’t trust me.

I recently received a large redundancy payout. Again, my husband did not in any way regard it as his to have any say in.

That said, my husband is not requiring me to buy him out of anything.

Incidentally, your money should be split 50% to his heirs, 50% to yours. Then it’s up to him how he wills his 50%. What doesn’t happen is that he gets more money because more heirs. That isn’t how it works. Nor do you get a say in who he shares his half with.

They weren't when he had the inheritance

It’s not me posting nonsense.

This thread itself just shows how different people's views of money can be.
I would be firmly in the save it/pay off some of the mortgage camp and view it as a significant amount of money.
Others think it's not that much money and just spending it on having a good time/general life is ok.
Neither view is right or wrong.

Sounds like you and your DH are in opposing camps, OP, which is the problem.

Yet you still keep posting nonsense. 🤷‍♀️

I think you’re getting a hard time Op. It is a lot of money. A whole year’s salary or more for many. You said you bonded over how skint you both were previously, so he was dishonest as he wasn’t. Maybe he couldn’t make ends meet for a long time so it got used up on life’s’ expenses, boiler replacement etc. but then why not say? Without an explanation, I’d assume it had been frittered away, which would mean a misalignment of values around money. I’d see this as a red flag as it’s not my MO. You need to decide if you want to be with someone whose attitude to money doesn’t align with yours.

As for two thirds inheritance to his son AND grandchild, no chance.

It is when you’re making big financial decisions and you’re financially tied to someone. We’ve been through this.

Because it’s not reasonable.

Obviously she doesn’t want “a say in it” as it appears the money is long gone. She just very reasonably would like to know how he spent the money. Why can’t he give her an answer?

It doesn't matter what he spent in on but what matters is that
a) his potentially just frittering it away doesn't match with what you would have done (saved it/put it into the mortgage/put it into your pension) therefore showing a mismatch in financial habits and

b) he wouldn't tell you what he did with it and got sulky. As pp have said, why not just say that he spent it on life & enjoying himself?

It was too long ago for you to have a say in it. He spent 30k in 10 years. That's 3k a year...hardly a Kings ransome.

Maybe he wasted it on fun stuff but that's his prerogative as he wasn't with you and was presumably young and wanted to have fun.

Why have you married this loser?
To hand him half your daughters home?
Why would you do this?
Interest only morgage?
Could he owe money on it?

He is a sulker when you ask why he pissed his inheritance away?
Why did you marry him and make such a spectacularly poor decision?

I agree. It was 15 years ago he got the inheritance and it was gone by the time he got together with OP. Theres an argument to be had that he’s a wally for not paying it off his mortgage but given that he decided not to he has subsequently spent £30K over a 10 year period. That’s £57 a week on average.

I had a £60K lump sum when I had to give up work due to my illness seven years ago and it’s long gone. I’m quite a frugal person but it just went on life - food, bills, car maintenance, stuff for the house, DCs’ birthdays and christmases etc.

2021. Appreciate it wint happen to everyone but it does happen. Interest only mortgages are a gamble. Which is what would put me off someone who had one for such a long time. My exh talked me into it and he was a gambler. Had to sell it when we separated so wasn't an option to wait.