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Original poster

DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

370 replies

Booboomylove · 30/04/2026 22:46

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 01/05/2026 06:07

Lol at you "wanting to know" about his money situation 10 years before he even met you.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/05/2026 06:00
  1. Everybody does inheritance differently. DH inherited a substantial sum from his grandmother, I didn’t. Inheritance isn’t a “right”.
  2. Money he inherited and spent years before he met you is nothing to do with you.
Zanatdy · 01/05/2026 05:51

None of your business

Nos4r2 · 01/05/2026 05:32

I think even though it was 10 years ago he could have said I spent it on such and such. He wont tell you where it went which to me is the worring part.

JellyBelly1001 · 01/05/2026 05:12

At a tangent but if he has a house where the rent exceeds the mortgage, how is selling it "cutting your losses" ? Surely it is making you money, not losing it?

DaisyChain505 · 01/05/2026 05:06

Hmm I think people are down playing this and if they were in the situation themselves they’d definitely be bothered.

I think the fact he’s got an interest only mortgage on top of the fact he inherited a huge chunk and has nothing to show would bother me.

Both things together scream bad with finances and I’d be wondering why and what else could he possibly be hiding.

WaryHiker · 01/05/2026 04:03

The inheritance is completely irrelevant. The main problem is that your husband is trying to disadvantage your daughter by leaving some of your half of your joint assets away from her. Get a will made as soon as possible and make sure this doesn't happen.

HelmholtzWatson · 01/05/2026 03:45

Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 30/04/2026 22:58

I'd be worried it was drugs or gambling. If it was normal stuff like holidays, cars, eating out more etc I'd expect him to have told me that.

So what if it was? Most of us were young and stupid once, especially with money.

LameBorzoi · 01/05/2026 02:53

Having said that, I can easily see how that money disappears over that time if you own a house. A few major fix ups and it's gone.

LameBorzoi · 01/05/2026 02:46

I think you are getting a hard time. It's not about the inheritance pet se, it's about his attitude to money, and the financial risk it brings to you and your daughter. In your shoes, I would keep finances separate.

LBFseBrom · 01/05/2026 02:27

catlovingdoctor · 30/04/2026 22:47

Well he got the money 10 years before you got together! I spent a similar amount over the course of two years on lots of nice holidays and other things which made me happy. It's not a huge sum in the scheme of things.

Exactly.

Why are you worrying about what he did with the money all those years ago? He was young then and probably enjoyed it, why not.

I'm 76 and inherited £34,000 about ten years ago. I cannot remember where it went!

LemonPenguin · 01/05/2026 02:04

30 K over 15 years is around £166 a month, £38 per week. Whilst I agree with you it would have made more sense for him to over pay the mortgage or invest if, given he didn’t do these things I can completely see how it just went on inconsequential things that he can’t now remember. Maybe he’s kicking himself about that now who knows.

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · 01/05/2026 01:21

nomas · 01/05/2026 00:21

I would be more worried about the fact that you are married to this spendthrift and he will likely be entitled to half your house and savings if you split.

well that is what happens when you marry etc

Cornishclio · 01/05/2026 00:51

The inheritance wouldn’t bother me as that was a long time before you married. The fact he has a property with essentially no equity but is assuming your property will be inherited two thirds to his son and grandson and one third to your daughter would bother me. Make sure you make a will.

Pallisers · 01/05/2026 00:35

You are shocked because you are just beginning to realise that you are utterly different when it comes to money and that is a fairly big realisation when you are married.

Honestly, I wouldn't have married someone who was on an interest only mortgage for 20 years (is that even possible?) because it would mean our attitude to money and security was so far apart it wouldn't have been fair to either of us.

He isn't "good" with money and is unlikely to change now. You have to decide what that will mean in your day to day lives and how it will affect your child (presume that child isn't with him?) and how you can live with it.

PigletJohn · 01/05/2026 00:23

In almost unrelated news, here is a thing that quite often happens.

Spouse A and Spouse B agree that the various offspring will be treated equally.

Spouse A predeceases and leaves everything to Spouse B.

Spouse B leaves everything to Family B (or sometimes to new Spouse C)

Family A get nothing,

nomas · 01/05/2026 00:21

I would be more worried about the fact that you are married to this spendthrift and he will likely be entitled to half your house and savings if you split.

Gardenimp · 01/05/2026 00:20

I don't think it's your business as such, in that it was his money to spend in whatever way suited him at the time, but I wouldn't want to be married to someoen who woukdnt tell me it all went on cars and women or a dodgy investment etc. What it was spent on doesn't matter, that there ate secrets does.

If he wants to leave money to his GS, things need to be split 50/25/25, but you also need to consider how you're going to ensure that happens because if you leave your share to him first, your DD will get nothing.

Angrybird76 · 01/05/2026 00:13

I think youre getting a bit of an unfair hardntime. I think your real worry is that he has had an interest only mortgage which you assumed was his only option, but in actual fact it wasn't. So you are asking what was more important, which actially isnt the point. it is none of your business it raises massive red flags about money and I would be worried about money with him. The market is not good. What happens if he cant sell it for the overall mortgage which may happen. It's legitimate to be worried about that and I would be too, but rather than worrying about what he spent it on you need to think about how you will manage money going forwards.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 01/05/2026 00:10

Dividing everything three ways isn’t “fair” unless he has twice as much money as you do. I’d expect “your” house to go to your DD and “his” to whoever he wanted to leave it to.
As for the £30,000 I don’t think it’s any of your business, but I also find it a bit odd that he refused to tell you, unless your tone came across as “disapproving” when you asked. Maybe you got his back up, even if you didn’t mean to.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 01/05/2026 00:07

Leavesandthings · 30/04/2026 23:38

Is it possible he doesn't feel inclined to share that info with you because he knows you would be dramatic, judgemental or make him uncomfortable about it if he unwisely spent it?

Would you think less of him if he unwisely spent it? Would you have new worries about your financial future with him? If so, no wonder he is avoiding the conversation!

If he says, for example, a couple of great holidays and I shopped a lot, what would your reaction be?

You're obviously very different people when it comes to money which is the real issue here. How do you compromise and communicate despite that?

Absolutely this. The fact he's not divulgung what he did with it is neither here nor there.

The true issue is how your attitudes towards money don't match well.

Nearly50omg · 01/05/2026 00:00

Personally I’d get divorced now before he takes your house and everything else and also gets you in debt by being associated with him!

Itsahardknocklifeforus · 30/04/2026 23:56

inickedthisname · 30/04/2026 23:54

So… what is a spouse’s business? I mean you’re married so what are you allowed to ask your spouse? So weird.

If he said “I spent it all on trainers” or “I drank it all” that would be in the past and not something to get angry about, but why wouldn’t he just tell her then?

Because quite obviously he is expecting criticism from the OP (who seems overly interested in money spent decades ago).

wishfulthinking25 · 30/04/2026 23:55

15 years ago and you’ve been together for 5? Yeah, none of your business. Also confused as to why you think he should cut his grandson out of his will effectively boosting your daughters (not his daughters) share? I’d be cutting my non biological child out before anyone else.

inickedthisname · 30/04/2026 23:54

So… what is a spouse’s business? I mean you’re married so what are you allowed to ask your spouse? So weird.

If he said “I spent it all on trainers” or “I drank it all” that would be in the past and not something to get angry about, but why wouldn’t he just tell her then?