Thank god things didnt work out the way you wanted

The ex I was with pre DH - horrible breakup, I was convinced he was The One, but he wasn't ready to commit. I was so into him and clearly rather blind to some major character defects.

A few years ago, he got back in touch with a whole spiel about how he'd never stopped thinking about me and regretted our breakup every day since it happened. I was momentarily hooked by this trip down "what if" memory lane, and met him for coffee. Although he's retained good looks and surface level charm, I soon realised what an absolute arrogant arse he was and what a bullet I'd dodged. He spoke horribly about his wife, and clearly mainly married her for her looks and family money/connections to help his business, doesn't love her or respect her and frequently picks up other women (propositioned me for a grubby little affair too). He bragged about having confrontations with people at work, on the roads, etc and prided himself on "giving people what for". Runs his own business and looks down on people who are "dependent on others for a living". He lives in a country where domestic staff are the norm if you're middle class and the way he spoke about them gave me the ick. Zero awareness of white privilege and the undertones of casual racism in what he was saying. He also called his autistic niece, age 9, a little sociopath. He has this veneer of being a good person, involved in charity work, gives lots of financial help to his family, but it's such an act. I couldn't wait to get away from him.

I really don't remember him being that awful when we dated when we were young. Ambitious, yes, and a tendency towards being more confrontational than I was comfortable with at times, but not outright horrible in the way he came across when we met again. He claims that emigrating has changed him, he hates where he's living, regrets his marriage, feels trapped, etc. But everyone else seems to be to blame other than him, he takes no responsibility. He claims if he'd had the guts to propose to me back then instead of running away abroad it would all have been different, but I don't think it would have been, I think we'd have divorced very quickly, and it would have been a high conflict divorce too.

The universe definitely looked after me there!

I could have written these exact words. My kids survived him leaving and the 'family' I was terrified they had lost, has done them no harm in the long run. They are emotionally stable, happy, high achieving, young adults, and I have just downsized slightly rurally and am living my absolute dream.

In my twenties, right out of college, had a job I hated with a mean, spiteful, condescending boss. The last straw was when I woke up crying about having to go to work took the scary leap, quit and went to law school. Moved home and went into partnership with my dad. (In Louisiana I’d really say “Daddy” but I bet y’all would think that’s crazy!). I’ve been practicing for 33 years, love it, love seeing him every day, have carved out a speciality in domestic work and look forward to going to work every day. Put my daughter thru school with no student loans and am comfortable financially. Plus I can make my own hours. I leave work every Friday at 11 am and really enjoy that. Finally, in one of my colleagues have found one of the best friends of my life! So glad I quit that stupid job and that my sister pushed me into going to law school. Oh and horrible boss hired FOUR people to do my job when I left!

Yes, I literally do thank God every day for a prayer request He didn't answer for me many years ago.

I missed out on a C-Suite promotion when my wonderful boss retired, as the panel felt I was too operational and wanted someone more strategic.

Mr Strategy joined above me, and I left about a year later, having painfully watched him undo all the good work my previous boss had done, as he had no clue about any of the detail, despite us all trying to educate him (it was a new sector for him). Mr Strategy was asked to leave the business 3 months after I left.

The organisation has now been brought to its knees, they’ve consistently had over £50m of losses each year for the last few, and they’ve now had 5 different people in that Exec seat in 5 years. When I say I dodged a bullet…

Same here, I hope your luck changes for the better soon. And mine too!

Hopeful thread, thanks op

We had to buy a house in a bit of a hurry for various reasons. It was smaller than we wanted and not in an ideal area with a pylon in view. We couldn’t get a mortgage on it due to the proximity of the pylon. We were quite disappointed and the estate agents broker tried to push to get us one. We then realised it would be hard to sell on and continued to look in a hurry and found a much better house in a nicer area a few days later. So happy and relieved that the other house fell through.

Many years ago I made a mess of my A levels and couldn't go to my first choice of uni and had to take up my insurance offer. I was gutted. But I loved my time there and met my husband. It really did turn out for the best.

Yes, I often look back and think that the negative experiences led me to where I am today so it was all worth it.

Nothing major, mostly broken hearts. There was the job I didn't get at an investment bank which went under 6 months later, so definitely dodged a bullet there. Or leaving a job I hated because of the manager without another job lined up, and being so stressed that I was doing the wrong thing and would end up destitute and without a job. I got the next job before my notice period was up, got a £10k pay rise, then went on to get 2 promotions in 3 years.

It all contributes to our life path... If we take a different path we end up with a different life. I met my DH at a house party that I almost didn't go to. I almost said no when he asked me on a date because I had recently broken up but decided that was only a short term relationship and what if this one could be something special so why throw it away because of the ex who was history and never meant much to me in the first place. We've been together 21 years and have 2 DC, so those two minor decisions would have resulted in a very different life path for me.

When my work place was closing I didn't get the job in another parallel department and got made redundant instead. It worked out really well as I could pay off my mortgage with my redundancy pay and got to retrain in a much better job with great work life balance. If I had got the original transfer I'd probably still be working full time and hating every minute but too scared to quit.

An absolutely devastating break up that I was convinced was the love of my life and nearly broke me led to my now DH. I have seen the ex since and I am so grateful that I am with my DH and not him.

About 11 years ago,I met a man who treated me like shit but I really loved him

The final straw was when he cheated on me and picked her

I walked away (and cannot put into words how painful that was) and then promptly met dp

He treats me like a queen and I've never been so happy-10 years and counting

Top it all off,wed been together about a year when we saw mr cheat and the 'love of his life' walk past me in the street

Both looked miserable as sin-i really hope she kicked him to the curb and is living her best life without him

So many! Houses we’ve been gazumped on and been devastated about? We always found something far better.
Vile step mother. Awful as a child but gave me an excellent idea of what not to do and actually made me a much better SM when I became one.
Dream job, big salary. Horrific in a way that I just could never envisage but I learned so much about how NOT to do things, it actually benefitted me massively. It still makes me smile to think that those horrible, incompetent fuckers led me to where I am now. Everything for a reason 🥰

Because he'd eaten a dodgy jacket potato and leant out of his car to be sick. But managed to accidentally run himself over instead.

we've all been there!

This is good to read. I’m absolutely at my lowest ebb, hopefully my luck will change like it has for those of you on this thread

@HelloItsMeYourRobotVaccuum yeah that's right he did. I'm sure there was photos of Brian in the papers on crutches as he had driven over himself. Definitely dodged a bullet with Tony.

Really enjoying reading this thread!
My contribution is that I moved abroad to do a PhD, and it went really badly. Terrible supervision, lots of technical problems, just lots going wrong. I had always been an academic high flier and this felt like a huge failure.
It took me more than 2 years longer than I was expecting to finish, and thank god it did, because in my last month before moving away (actually on a night out to celebrate finishing my thesis) I met my now husband. Ended up never leaving the country, and now we have a lovely life and a beautiful daughter. 😍

You dodged a bullet there. Didn’t his mate Brian manage to somehow run over himself with his own car?

I believe everything is meant to be .

Hated my job. Grievances raised and many weeks of hell, started looking and was offered another but turned it down because the same day I’d also been given a treatment schedule for an illness. Stayed at my job for the flexibility and a few months later met my now best friend (and no longer work with the person who made my life hell, so it all worked out great!)

A long, drawn out break up I was genuinely devastated over. It hurt almost physically at the time but was undoubtedly the best outcome for all concerned.

Really wanted to marry Tony Mortimer from East 17 so glad now that didn't happen.

A few years back I wanted so so much not to be married anymore. We separated for 9 months and reconciled. Every day I’m so grateful for him, for my life, most of all for being able to see my daughters every day. I learned that you can want (even need) something incredibly badly that isn’t good for you.

LOTS!!

The first was a house I was desperate to buy when I was much younger. We were gazumped and although we bought another one, it was smaller and not as nice. And then 3 years after we bought, the first house had a murder happen almost directly outside it.

Going to live overseas when I was very young due to husband's circumstances. I really really didn't want to go, and on a personal level, I was very unhappy there. But basically I was really lucky in that I got a couple of work opportunities that got me into tech quite early on, which has been the bedrock of the academic work that I do now.

Cancer. After years of treatment, I used my 2nd chance to chase dream opportunities overseas that were the best experiences of my life.

Had my DC while living overseas but struggled to integrate with a baby so came back to the UK. Turned out, DC was fairly severely SEN and I would have hugely struggled to get any support for them, where I lived. So despite it being a gorgeous place to live, leaving worked out in the long run.

Learning to work online during covid. Allowed me to semi retire/become self employed. I now earn what I earned for 70 hour weeks in half that and have no boss.

Was once head hunted for a job that I hated. But that job gave me the experience for a new job, just 6 months after the hated one.

Lastly, my ex, who I was head over heels with. I really wanted to marry him but he wouldn't commit. Finally, I ended it and now I thank god daily that we didn't marry because he's become such a loser that I can't imagine being tied to him.

I very much think things have happened for very good reasons for the vast majority of my life. Think I must have a guardian angel!

Yes, this happened to my sister just before the financial crisis in 2008.

She was really disappointed not to be offered a job with one of the banks that went under and instead got a job at a law firm.