Shocked by DP arranging for a woman to join us in the bedroom

I would assume if you're on a stag do, you won't have your female partner with you.

True, @EBearhug.

If I were you, next time you meet him, check his arsehole for lipstick, if it doesn't match yours you know he's cheating on you.

What a creep!

I have no issues with threesomes or sex workers, but this is absolutely not the way to go about either. And "I'll cover the cost" like he's treating you to a takeaway or something, gross.

Leave him, he won't ever drop it.

Reading MN threads that's usually the first thing on the To Do list for a stag holiday abroad

I too looked it up and wondered how people think of this. Obviously I am just naive. Dragon butter is another sexual thing. Trust me, you don't want it on toast or crumpets

People just make things up on here for a laugh.

It's not the same as saying no, but it's definitely not the same as, "go and sort us out a prostitute for next week without any further discussion," either.

I looked up what that was, and now I really, really wish I hadn't. Thank God I'm not eating.

She's just one bad answer away from getting a dirty sanchez and she has no clue.

OP, do you want him fucking other women including sex workers or your single friends with you there to be a regular feature of your sex life?

He does. And he doesn't really care that you don't. He's going to push and find that little drunken remark or sleeping deeply that he will say is consent and run with it. You will have to constantly be on your guard around him to prevent sexual abuse.

It also could be that part of his kink is humiliating you by banging sex workers with you there.

My ex did a similar thing but it was a man he wanted to join us. He even went as far to arrange for this man to come to our house. When I objected he was furious. One of the many reasons he is an ex. I would not tolerate this OP.

You think it's an understandable misunderstanding that he went and found a prostitute on the basis of what OP said?

To your last point, he pointed out that her profile states she is independent and he said that she was a ‘personal recommendation from an old colleague’ 😷

Hang on. So, an old colleague is not someone he would have spoken to in the last few days. So, he's spoken about hiring prostitutes with a colleague a few years/months ago, long before you gave him a glimmer of hope with the "never say never" comment. That only points to one thing in my mind. He has used prostitutes in the past, and maybe is still using them now.

Did you probe him on this point?

A prostitute then? A paid professional 😂come on.

Most people wouldn't have the first clue about how to hire a prostitute. And yet, he has figured this out and found the prostitute for the job, all within a few short days?

Yeah, I'd bet my hat he's been on that website before, and has shagged that woman before too.

And even if he hasn't (< 1%) he's been trawling prostitute sites and speaking with prostitutes and he thinks it's okay to purchase a woman's body. Add to that, the fact that he really really wants to shag other women.....I'd be gone.

I don't think there's any way you can sail into retirement with this dickhead, without him cheating.

Cannot believe all the people criticising your ‘never say never’! Even if you were MAYBE prepared to consider a threesome at some point (say, if the stars aligned and you met the right woman) that is not even in the same ballpark as giving your partner the green light to find and pay a sex worker to join you!

He brought up having a 3some when she was under the influence of alcohol. Her remark should not be taken as consent. It was ambiguous but to take a drunken ambiguous remark as consent for a sex act she had repeatedly refused is him way, way overstepping her sexual boundaries.

I’m sorry, @Aprilsun2, but “Never say never” is not the same as saying No - the opposite in fact. It means that there answer might be Yes in the future. I can see why your dp misunderstood what you were saying.

Repeatedly asking someone to do a sexual act when they've told you previously they're not comfortable doing it is sexual coercion. It's a form of abuse. Consent given after repeated badgering is not true consent, it's often given when someone is exhausted and feels like they can't say no anymore.

Trying to manipulate someone into a sexual act they're not comfortable with is abuse, it is wrong. Just because there's no physical force involved doesn't make it ok. I would call it ignoring consent personally, as he knows she's not really comfortable with it and he doesn't care, he's hoping he can override that.

She’s not his ex. She is his late partner. It’s not appropriate to call a late partner an ex.

(nothing to do with this thread obviously, and this guy is a creep and a perv).

OP he sounds sexually coercive. He knows you're not comfortable with this. You've told him clearly before and the 'never say never' when you'd been drinking is not an enthusiastic yes, it's what someone might say when they're starting to be worn down.

He's trying to manipulate you into something you're not comfortable with. He's not respecting your boundaries, he's hoping that if he just keeps pushing you'll give in, while also not giving a shit how that would make you feel. I don't think this is just about you being incomparable, I think this is about him being manipulative and disrespectful as a partner.

I know this is easy for some stranger on the internet to say, but I don't think this is a healthy relationship and certainly not because of your attitude/actions.

He wants you to have sex with a prostitute that a friend of his personally recommended.
That is very unpleasant on several different levels all at the same time. He is terrible partner material, he needs to be single, and to grow up several decades before he is going to be fit to be someone’s boyfriend.

This is the reality.

I’m shocked you think cos he’s generous you’ll stay after he went and got a sex worker for a threesome you have said no to repeatedly.

where is your self esteem?