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Original poster

Shocked by DP arranging for a woman to join us in the bedroom

295 replies

Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:16

I’ve changed my name for obvious reasons.

I have officially lost it with DP. We have been together for a few years, and he has always made it clear his ‘fantasy’ is to involve another woman in the bedroom. I’ve always said it’s not my thing, which he says he respects and that’s why it is just a fantasy.

On Saturday we were out, fairly drunk and he brought this up again. I laughed and said ‘never say never’ - very much jokingly.

Fast forward to yesterday. We were having dinner and he said ‘remember on Saturday you said you’d be open to introducing someone else. Well I have a proposition’. I firstly said I didn’t recall saying that, and secondly asked what on earth did he mean.

Basically, he explained he had ‘found’ someone who’d be willing to join us. This is someone online with a few hundred reviews on a website and photos of her wearing next to nothing. He said it would be at his expense.

I was speechless initially then I hit the roof, I told him how dare he go behind my back and think something like this would be appropriate.

He meekly apologised, but said he took my answer at the weekend to be a positive one and got carried away.

Am I wrong to be completely astounded at his actions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:44

Justbloodydoit · 30/04/2026 20:43

Does he watch a lot of porn?

Not to my knowledge - he always says he’s a bit of a dinosaur with technology.

OP posts:
darksideofthetoon · 30/04/2026 20:44

This has got to be a wind up right?

Justbloodydoit · 30/04/2026 20:43

Does he watch a lot of porn?

Original poster
Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:43

TheRealMagic · 30/04/2026 20:42

Realistically, you said 'never say never' because you're just sick of him nagging and badgering about it and wanted to deflect without having to say no, right? This is exactly what he's hoping for - to wear you down over time until you reluctantly, wearily give in. Leave.

Yeah pretty much it was just another way of saying no.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 30/04/2026 20:42

HoppityBun · 30/04/2026 20:25

Because she was drunk. Generous of him to say it’s at his expense, though. Makes all the difference

Show quote history

So being drunk is an excuse? Drunk or sober all i would have said to that is dont be so ridiculous its creepy

TheRealMagic · 30/04/2026 20:42

Realistically, you said 'never say never' because you're just sick of him nagging and badgering about it and wanted to deflect without having to say no, right? This is exactly what he's hoping for - to wear you down over time until you reluctantly, wearily give in. Leave.

Original poster
Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:42

Divebar2021 · 30/04/2026 20:40

Presumably he’d be up for a man to join you too on another occasion ?

Yes he has said in the past he would ‘share’ me. I told him never to use that term again!

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 30/04/2026 20:41

Knowing he'd been in favour of it before, maybe "never say never" sounded like a positive, if you'd always shut it down. That's not to say I think he's ok, but if you mean no, never, then I would say that.
To me, if he is your husband and you had the normal marriage ceremony where you promise only to be with each other, there shouldn't be a chance of anyone else in the bed. Consenting adults can do what they like, but, like you, I wouldn't ever want to sleep with multiple people, and if I did, I wouldn't have married.

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/04/2026 20:41

Fucking hell. The disrespect. That would be the end for me. He’s never going to stop going on about it.

Original poster
Aprilsun2 · 30/04/2026 20:41

DrWhosJazzyScarf · 30/04/2026 20:39

So, it’s not just ‘someone’ - it’s a sex worker. That’s a very different dynamic for him to go after there. (Just for the record, I’m not anti sex worker - just anti someone introducing this as an unsolicited option!)

I’d really think closely about if I could ever move past this.

I challenged him as to why he thought this would be the route to go down and he said he ‘thought if would be preferable to asking one of our single friends’ 😑

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 30/04/2026 20:41

This isn't going to go away. I think he will be asking again, it's obviously something he wants to do.

Divebar2021 · 30/04/2026 20:40

Presumably he’d be up for a man to join you too on another occasion ?

StormGazing · 30/04/2026 20:40

Is her name Bonnie by any chance ?!
he’s a cheeky fucker taking one pissed off the cuff comment over multiple times of saying no … perhaps you should say we’ll do MMF fist and I’ll watch you do with the other man and then I’ll make a decision

TomatoSandwiches · 30/04/2026 20:39

He knew you made that comment under the influence of alcohol, he knew it was still a no but he was trying to use it against you to get what he wanted and when you realise he has always been bringing up the same issue to try and do the same from the start it will be easy for you to leave him.

DrWhosJazzyScarf · 30/04/2026 20:39

So, it’s not just ‘someone’ - it’s a sex worker. That’s a very different dynamic for him to go after there. (Just for the record, I’m not anti sex worker - just anti someone introducing this as an unsolicited option!)

I’d really think closely about if I could ever move past this.

KvotheTheBloodless · 30/04/2026 20:38

How the fuck did he go from 'never say never' to 'let's pay a prostitute to have sex with us'?! He's an absolute idiot and disgusting to boot. I'd really struggle to move past this, the fact that he would use a prostitute at all.

Ezzee · 30/04/2026 20:37

You've told him what sounds like repeatedly no and yet he's still banging on, asking and ignoring your no! Totally disrespectful YUCK
I wouldn't have lost it with him I would have fucking lost him for good!

Blueeyedmale · 30/04/2026 20:36

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 30/04/2026 20:20

Yuk. Him trawling (probably) a swinging site for this. How grubby.

Yes or even an escort site giving that he says he will cover the cost and she has hundreds of reviews either way it's disgusting of him

Credittocress · 30/04/2026 20:35

He wants to use a prostitute and you should be grateful because he’s going to pick up the whole bill?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/04/2026 20:34

I'm afraid that saying "never say never" after saying "no" repeatedly suggests that you'd been reflecting on it and found yourself more open to the idea after all.

Echobelly · 30/04/2026 20:34

Yes, absolutely not on to try and make something happen and to not respect your boundaries.

LittleJustice · 30/04/2026 20:33

I wonder how he'd feel if you told him you've been looking at men to hire on the internet to see if he fances having a threesome with another man and you? And you found one that you quite fancy that you'd like to introduce into the relationship.

I always think it would be interesting to turn the tables on men like this to see if they understand how insulting and degrading the suggestion is.

WildFlowerBees · 30/04/2026 20:33

The fact you’d already told him from the very first time he mentioned it that it’s a no but then brought it up again tells you everything you need to know. Years ago I had an ex who did this, I said no but I then discovered he’d put photos of me on a swinging site to find out who’d be interested. I left and you should too, this isn’t just a fantasy he’s willing to keep to himself it’s a weird fetish that will eventually become the elephant in the room. Yet another man objectifying a woman, being disrespectful and expecting her to be ok with it.

blankcanvas3 · 30/04/2026 20:32

I’m not even opposed to a threesome but the thought of paying another woman makes me feel sick. Gross. You’re not wrong to be astounded, probably avoid the term never say never from now on

ConverselyAttired · 30/04/2026 20:31

Wtafdidido · 30/04/2026 20:25

Nah that would be the end for me. Something like that needs massive joint discussion about what is or is t going to happen on the night, boundary setting and both parties involved in finding someone they both like. He has massively shown no regard for your wishes or your needs and just jumped. Straight into it and obv chose. Someone he wants. He can fuck off til he can show you some respect. How selfish he is . He has I would suspect been researching this and trawling grubby sites for longer than a few days

All of this. Even if you had said theoretically yes, if you both met someone you liked who was up for it - it's a bit of a bloody leap to hiring a prostitute he's already added to his Google favourites.