Was private school worthwhile for your neurodiverse child?

All ADHD and autistic girls. One below average academically, 2 average. Low class sizes and extra support have been invaluable for them, which they wouldn’t receive in state

Yes 100% worth it. I have 3 neurodiverse kids in private

My parents strongly considered it for me due to bullying but ultimately couldn’t afford it. I wish I’d have been able to go :(

In a word - yes. State was completely overwhelming.

Well that is the dream @NittingNora! And I'm very glad it all worked out.

Just for balance, DS16 (ASD, no EHCP) has been fantastically educated and supported in the state sector. Village primary, small classes, very nurturing environment and children and staff alike understood and embraced his quirks. We chose his secondary for its nurturing feel (visited five schools, met with special needs staff), friendly, supportive teachers. Large comp. He's absolutely thrived there and is really happy.

@Merryoldgoat I'm a teacher as well as a SEND parent and I'm sure there was nothing wrong with my EHCNA request (except for it came for a child in a private school...) but I still had to do a refuse to assess and a refuse to issue tribunal.

My friend (rather similar son in local state primary) got the needs assessment but had to appeal refuse to issue.

It was hard not to conclude they bin requests if a private school's mentioned!

The reason we went private originally was the LA had run out of Reception places.

And she ended up going private because the (Outstanding) state primary couldn't meet need due to savage budget cuts.

I have an adhd boy. At state he was just the annoying noisy boy who didn’t listen and wasn’t very academic.
At private turns out he is gifted and has adhd. No major issues anymore since he’s actually stretched and accommodated.
In my experience, quiet, studious kids do (academically) well in state. Socially is a different story.

@Phineyj the lack of consistency is so frustrating.

I have two boys with EHCPs - no appeals, tribunals, a few bumps to be sure, but generally speaking the process happened as it should.

I know that’s not been the case for others even in the same school or local authority. I know part of that is my husband I are able to advocate for them effectively, I work in education (albeit private), and the boys were very likeable so teachers and school staff had a natural affection for them. But every child should get the right support regardless of how effective their parents are or how sweet they are.

Not my child but I know someone who sacrificed a lot financially to send their ND DS to a private school. He did very well academically, didn’t make a single friend. So I think it depends on what your ultimate goal is. I would go with whatever school state or private that may be able to nurture them socially. So good pastoral care and that is variable by school.

I was a University housing officer for quite a few years that had responsibility to house students with disabilities and additional needs at an RG University. So I had contact with many ND students who academically had made it to a competitive University.They all had sterling A levels, the over riding factor was quite a few seemed lonely and struggled to fit in and wanted to be able to have some sort of social life and friends, concentrate on that part of their lives would be my advice.

The smaller class sizes are the one thing I can think would assist many but the issue is for every single ND student I met which was a few hundred there was no one size fits all. You know your child best.

I disagree with this. There's a big gap between those who need PRUs and specialist provision and NT kids who are just confident, loud, a bit cheeky and boisterous. They'd still be there in your scenario and the very typical ND kids get overwhelmed. Cut all state schools in half and those kids can be managed and diluted to a more manageable ratio allowing true inclusion of many many ND kids who are currently in private.

It will completely depend on the child and the school.

All schools are different and the needs of each ND child are different too.

DD has ADHD and her first private school was not a good fit, the second is excellent and she's flourished. She'll go to a state college for sixth form though, as she needs a range of A level/BTEC/applied A levels.
We didn't try a state school for her earlier as her brother had gone to the local state and it was absolutely dire for everyone....

As a teacher I very much agree with your last paragraph. Schools are so variable!

Ds moved to private schooling at age 10. High functioning ASD. From the very first day he transformed into a calmer, less anxious, happier child. He thrived in a small class of just 12 boys. Started weekly boarding after a couple of terms and flourished even more. Amazing team of teachers and support staff who knew him really well , encouraged his special interests, and provided a safe, nurturing, ordered environment. Totally positive experience in his opinion. Secondary school boarding also very positive but it was his prep school that really made a difference. Worth every penny.

I went to private school before neurodivergence was diagnosed. I benefited from smaller class sized. You were encouraged to think independently. It was great at a time when female role models lacked.

I remember a friend on my street at state school being outraged that I didn't use my finger to make a space between each word when I wrote. She was adamant I was doing it wrong. I specifically remember thinking 'but that's not the only way of doing it'.

A fair number of kids at private school are ND (and highly over represented at Oxford and Cambridge which I thought was interesting)

Quality of friends - are they nice, not shallow, not going to lead astray with too much money and no sense etc. is important. Do they have a good work ethic.

Exactly the same experience for us. Son at state primary was diagnosed dyslexic I in year 5 at primary. Headteacher understanding but class teacher continued to think he was just lazy. Gained place at local selective independent for year 7, they accepted and accommodated his dyslexia. Primary class teacher expressed incredulity that he had gained a place. Thought he'd be a science/maths boy when he started there, he loved all the sport but found a love of ancient history which was an option he'd never have had at state school. All his teachers understood his dyslexia, and the science loving 11 year is now an ancient history student at a redbrick university. This simply would not have happened if he had attended our local state school

200% private for my ND kids. Has to be the right school though. Different school for each as different needs. I looked at so many schools state and private before finding the best ones and I was resigned to the driving.

The provision for my younger AuDHDI don’t think you could get in the state sector. It was also staffed by people like him and for the first time he had people who understand him and he could see people like him achieving and having good lives.

Staff at both schools were also very invested in the children being happy at school.

Also quiet environment, small class sizes, lots of hands on learning, soft skills and movement.

I went to a lovely private school and it was really nice. Unfortunately, they expelled me and I had to go to the local comp from year 7-8 and I found it really hard to make friends there because it served a deprived council estate and I couldn't really relate to any of the kids there.

My state school in year 10 onward was really amazing. I think really depends on the school and the economic prosperity of the local area.

I think it depends on the level of need. SEN children who just need a bit of extra nurturing often do well in private schools with smaller class sizes, better behaviour and clear expectations. But for SEN children with a higher degree of need than that, private schools are often terribly poorly equipped to deal with them and they'd actually do better in a supportive SEN-friendly state school.

We needed something different for our ND dc.
He needed somewhere small, fewer DC, being known by the staff, small space to navigate. No national curriculum.

He needed help to regulate and feel safe before he could think about academics.

He's very bright, has got a good job and no problems with literacy and numeracy.

But he could not learn while overstimulated and hurried.

I agree with this, as a parent of two boys with ASD but no ADHD and working in a private prep with lots of boys with ASD doing very well. ADHD boys do far less well for the stated reasons, as do the boys with a PDA profile.

I just realise I should add my youngest is a very different profile to oldest and is in specialist primary - a state provision.

Started in a base but moved 2 months ago to wholly specialist school focusing of speech languages communication.

He has been very well served by the state sector - absolutely fabulous teachers who have loved him and he goes to school happily every day.

The setting, ethos, local authority, and one’s ability to advocate for one’s child play a massive part in their success.