How old is too old?

Just hopping on briefly to make the point that ‘regular periods’ does not necessarily equal fertile woman. Many women are caught out by misunderstanding this and it leads to terrible heartbreak.

‘Regular periods’ just means each of those eggs is able to inform the endometrium chemically that it isn’t fertilised and that the endometrium should therefore be shed.

This is a very very long way off an egg being of sufficient quality to be fertilised, travel to the uterus, implant and grow into a viable embryo.

Whatever you might read, it is still unusual to conceive naturally and carry a baby to term after the early forties. We are born with all the eggs we will ever need and the quality reduces over our reproductive lives as does ovulation. This is why women in their twenties are much more fertile than those in their late thirties onwards. It is also why it is more common to have a disabled child. Statistically, a woman is considered childless if she has not had a child by the age of 45. We all know that there are outliers but this is the reality of the situation.

I think this is what honestly needs to be spoken about more, excluding fertility considerations.

I don’t think people are considering enough what the future may look like and that health risks increase.

I had mine at 35 and 39. This is the first year they’ve both been away from home together. I’m 59, and the last few years have been very tiring, my energy levels are not what they were. I had no problems energy wise when the kids were small but have found peri/post menopause with teenagers quite difficult. It’s a relief to have some downtime at last. If I were to do it all again, with the benefit of hindsight, I’d not have children beyond 35. I work quite long hours and if I didn’t need to do that, and had lots of support and other adults around to help, which I don’t, then perhaps it would be 40.

I meant to say it was a natural pregnancy. Many rounds of IVF did not work then I fell pregnant.

There’s no guarantee whether you’re 18 or 40 but both partners can get their fertility checked to give some idea.

I had my first and only healthy child at 44. I know how lucky I am.

It really depends on how you feel. As the saying goes, you’re only as old as you feel, though I know that doesn’t quite apply when it comes to pregnancy. I have one DD (edited to say she is now 8), I’m 39, and I’ve chosen not to have any more children. If I did want another though, I don’t think I would after 40 and definitely not 42/43 +. Not necessarily because I couldn’t (who knows), but because I think people sometimes forget that having a baby means raising them through every stage of life - childhood, teenage years, adulthood. I feel I could probably have a baby at 40, but the idea of still doing the school run well into my fifties doesn’t really appeal to me. I know i may be the minority here though! Each to their own.

I started TTC at 36. Took over a year to conceive. Then secondary infertility. I wouldn’t advise people to leave it so late if they want more than one

It depends on circumstances. I had my first at 25 second at 32. Youngest is 9 I would not go back to nappies now.

If I had met dh later I expect first at 33 and second at 38 would also be fine. Or older if thats how life worked out.

Also know people who happily go back to baby stage after a big gap but wouldnt be for me.

It is a very personal decsion based on your own circumstances, health, energy levels and desire for a child.

Never too old if it happens naturally, but much over 42 with extensive fertility assistance seems to be a reasonable cut off, surely?

I had my youngest at 33, we decided not to have more but feel like I could have up to about 40. I am 44 now and probably still physically could get pregnant as I am having regular periods, but I feel like I am too old to do it all again now with the lack of sleep then running around after a toddler.
So I would say obviously depending on the situation, that mid 40s is too old.

Well I will be 49 this year and I 100% know I'd not cope with the physical tole of caring for a baby. I think I have felt just physically too old / too tired for a small child for the last 5+ years. I am also peri / menopausal so my body clearly agrees with me although I believe that without contraception I could still fall foul of a "freak" conception even now as periods are not fully stopped.

My own personal cut off was 35, but I had the last of my three DC at 33 and knew I was done.

I went into perimenopause around 44 and I doubt I'd have been able to conceive then even if I'd wanted to.

There are two answers to this:

1. Personal choice
2. Fertility (i.e. if you can still get pregnant then it's not too old - I'm talking about naturally here, not post-menopausal women having fertility treatments).

42 is obviously at the upper end of reasonable. If it’s your first I would go for it…

This makes sense. An egg is released every month when not pregnant. If you are pregnant your other eggs aren’t being released for nine months?

Not sure if I’m right though? My personal cut off was 25 but then I started at 16. If I’d started at a normal age my cut off probably would have been 35.

I’m 43 and think I could probably still get pregnant, but wouldn’t dream of trying - I’m actually pretty scared that I’ll unintentionally get pregnant and have to face some tough decisions. For me, the risks are too great at my age. I do already have 3dc (had them in my late 20’s, so I’m well past the stage of having very young dc), but I don’t think I’d try now, even if I had no dc. Cut off for me was probably 40.

It really is all about the individual - you cant make a sweeping statement about what age you will be able to get pregnant.

I struggled to get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy with my last child and I was only 31-33 years old at the time so I wouldn't say anything is guaranteed depending on age. So personally I wouldn't go through another pregnancy after 35 (that is gone now for me)

I had my one and only dc at 33.
I’m now forty.
I haven’t taken any precautions since dc. We tried for a while but nothing happened. It was too stressful so we stopped. Now we have a regular/ frequent love life but not timed or made any particular effort to conceive. Nothing has happened.
I will now go back on contraception because I think over forty is too old for me. I’m not fit and healthy enough. My cousin had a baby last year at 36 and had a stroke so that has put me off even more.
TBH I actually felt my fertility take a nose dive a couple of years after I had my dc.
I always thought it was bs that fertility drops dramatically mid thirties. I got pregnant easily and felt great (physically) at 33. Then I bf for two years. Periods came back with a vengeance at six months pp when I started weaning. Continued very regularly all the while I was bf.
Then I stopped and periods went haywire. They settled down a bit although to a very long cycle. Went to the doctor with that and a list of other symptoms. In the end they put it down to Peri.
At first, I was horrified but I’ve accepted it since.
I know a lot of posters on here have their dc in their forties. Most people I know irl struggle to conceive at that age, but possibly there’s demographic factors at play. Other posters have had theirs younger and have an earlier personal cut off point. For me, I don’t think there’s much chance that I’d get pregnant in my forties, if any.
I have a gut feeling I will be through the menopause in the next few years.
Im just glad I had my dc when I did. Some people advised me to wait a couple of years because I was in adult education when I was pregnant and I had to give it up when I had dc. Thankfully I didn’t or I very much doubt I would have her.
I have a sister very close in age who started trying when I was pregnant. She has been off contraceptives for eight years and hasn’t gotten pregnant. She is in peri now too and I think they are about to give up.
So, people can have all sorts of ideas about what is too late generally but on an individual basis, often your body just decides for you.

An advanced maternal age pregnancy (35+) carries far more risks for both mother and child. More likely to be born with disabilities etc. Personally - my cut off was 30 but I think that’s actually the average age to have you first child, so clearly in the minority there. Some women say until you can’t conceive any longer. But I guess objectively I’d say 35 as that’s when it becomes riskier for mother and baby.

My parents took good care of themselves and were fit and well until their 80s, but now are really struggling. I, in my 50s am finding it really tough emotionally and physically.

The idea of doing that at the same time as having children to care for, or of putting DC in that situation is something not to be contemplated. And I'm not doing any actual care, all the organising etc is very time consuming and takes an emotional toll.

I think it's more likely that that's because the older, unmarried daughters starting having their own babies...

I ended an unplanned pregnancy when I was 46 because I knew I was too old to go through all of that again. I was also really enjoying my independence returning as my children were getting older (youngest had just started high school). But that's me & my circumstances. Everyone is different. I have absolutely no regrets & I'm thankful I had that free choice.

I don’t think it is just a case of being able to get pregnant and produce a healthy baby. There is also the issue of whether you will have enough energy to look after and enjoy your growing child. There is also reason why women of 50 can’t usually conceive.

I would quietly disapprove past 35.