How old is too old?

May I ask why you’d disapprove of my 3 beautiful children I had at 36, 38 and 42? Would you rather they didn’t exist? They’re pretty wonderful and have a loving home and life!

It doesn't have much to do with how you feel. The chance of miscarriage and problems rises rapidly from age 35. But some women in their forties have easy healthy pregnancies.

I would try for a first, or a second until 42

That would be me, others would be different

I have two friends, one is 53 and has a four year old and the other is the same age as me, 55 and her son will be 7 in June. It took them both a long time and a lot of heartache to get their family. Who are we to judge?

A feeling means nothing, but I know what you mean. I had a strange premonition or sense that I would get pregnant at 43 without too much trouble. That I would be ‘in time’.

I did not get pregnant and am almost 46 now. I ‘felt’ quite strongly I could - and would - but quite clearly I couldn’t.

I had both mine in my 20's, but had I left it later I think I'd have struggled to conceive as peri symptoms appeared at 37. I'm 44 now and on HRT.

I agree with this I think. It was the last time I really considered becoming pregnant again- in the end I went back on the pill for 5 years. At 47 I decided that the risks of hormonal contraception outweighed the risk of unintended pregnancy. I didn't get pregnant and had my last period at 49.

I have a lot of friends mid 40s who have got pregnant naturally, known a few late 40s

My understanding is the sucess rate with frozen eggs is very poor especially if you were older than 35 when they were frozen. Happy to be corrected by anyone who knows better. Also IVF is stressful and horrible invasive, why not just go for it now ?

Why would you disapprove when average healthy life expectancy for the M would see the child of a 35 year old to adulthood?

That’s a hell of a lot of women out there you disapprove of! 😬

First baby at 43, second at 46, miscarriage at 9 weeks when I was 51. Not an older mum by choice, just didn't meet anyone I wanted children with until over 40

Errr no.
The point is that a Victorian woman of 40 plus often had children whereas a modern day woman who wants children at that age often can’t. It’s not anything to do with contraception.

My mum had six children, first at 19 and the last at 43 (that’s me). She told me being pregnant with me was worse than being pregnant with twins at 28 and it took more of a toll on her body. She very much encouraged me to have my kids young and I did. It’s not the same for everyone but a lot of women I know who’ve had lots of kids say it gets harder with age and there are more complications. The thing that freaked me out with my mum was when she was pregnant with me it fucked up her teeth and I’ve got mild neurosis about my teeth lol.

That's explained not by extending one's childbearing years by having lots of kids, but by contraception being largely unavailable.

I think I was around 42 when I said to DH that’s it’s now or never if we have another baby. We decided never.

I’m 46 now and wouldn’t feel confident at being able to conceive and carry to term.

Sorry if I was rude too.

I had three from 35 to 38 and they are all (so far!) without any health challenges. I felt you were saying that children with mums over 35 are almost guaranteed to have challenges. That's obviously untrue. And yes, many on here would lie or embellish to prove their point, or even cause trouble and try to make others feel shitty.

Wishing you the best

Late 30s for first baby is very common in my circle. I was 37 with my first and 40 with my last, and it feels absolutely fine and normal. No problems getting pregnant and kids all healthy (I did do the genetic screening at 10 weeks for peace of mind). I’m now mid-40s with primary school children and obviously life is non-stop but I’m not exhausted. It was the right time of life for us.

How could anyone know that though? You could really struggle at 33, or you could easily get pregnant at 43. Everyone's fertility is different and it's impossible to know unless you start trying or have tests done.

I met my now husband in my late 30s and was then pregnant at 40 and again at 45. Both easy pregnancies, deliveries and recovery. I’m without a doubt the oldest of the mums in my kids school but I’m pretty chilled and damn smart. I regularly say to my kids that I’m the oldest mum and how my magical body and dads love made them. What’s the alternative? Get rid because society may judge me as too old?? Nah!! I am a great mum and I have a wonderful family.

I had DC1 at 31, DC2 at 33 and I'm pregnant - it's early days but I'll be 37 when this one is born, all being well. I had a wobble about being too old but a lot of my friends are having their firsts at the moment so it doesn't seem too strange. DH's line in the sand was that he wanted final baby born by the time he was 40 and this one will beat the 'deadline' by 6m.

On the basis that we'll be 55 and 57 when youngest is 18, I'm ok with it. Elder two will be 22 and 24 at that stage. Not sure I'd want to throw it much later.

Interestingly DC1 was the hardest to conceive (nearly a year), DC2 was a surprise and this pregnancy we caught first month! Seven years I've been at this TTC and pregnancy nonsense and the more I've done the more I've concluded there really is no rhyme or reason to women's' fertility.

It's a personal thing isn't it? if we are talking about choice and not fertility.

For me, my cut off would have been around 35 and that's an absolute upper maximum!

We are all different. Fertility wise I suppose you don't really know until you start trying.

I think of below 43 as a normal age to have kids

I remember this too (a girl in a extra curricular I went to had “old” parents and everyone discussed it) but I don’t think it would happen these days. The average age of a first time mother is 31. I would say at our school the “average” parent is probably around 35 years older than their child, but 40s isn’t unusual. It would be a strange thing to pick on someone for now.

As for whether it’s selfish.. I think as long as you’re doing a decent job parenting, no age is inherently selfish. There are advantages and disadvantages at every age. In your forties you are more likely to be financially settled the way that so few people are in their twenties these days but yes, of course, fewer years with your children and less energy.

In my grandparents generation people got married young - it was a given. There was no dating around for years and living with partners (good or bad thing, I couldn’t say). People didn’t have student loans. By his early twenties my grandfather had a “job for life” with a final salary pension and they had bought their first house. This just doesn’t happen now.