Is this fair? Dh and holidays

You get to choose, and you're the one who has high standards, and wants to do loads of research.

If he can't remember where you went, you could just go back to your favourite places.

It matters more to you than to him, and it's a once or twice a year task. I wouldn't care about this tbh.

I’m like your DH. I don’t care where I end up so he does it all. You said you’re fussy so maybe he thinks if he organises something you’ll not like it

I’ll swap with you, OP!

My DO drives an HGV and if you so much as mention a place in casual conversion, you get “ah yes, M6 j4, swing a left there, then chuck a right, services are Moto / Welcome Break, foods ok, toilets are grim, did I tell you I helped a guy with jump leads there about 5 years ago, think he was called Dave, came from Blackpool way.That’s up the M55, tricky little junction” and on..and on!

He’s the complete opposite of your DH, so be careful what you wish for - or I’ll send “Sat-Nav Steve” round😁

I'm curious to know how a relationship would work if both people were the "organise holidays" type. I genuinely think that most couples just have one person who does it.

We have a little bit of negotiation about general location, but I do the rest of it. My DH does other stuff that I'd rather not do, so it all works out equitably.

OP, it really depends on your general arrangements. For years I did all of the holiday research work but I only worked part time and my husband worked very long hours. Now we are retired my husband discusses it with me and in the last few years he has had some great ideas.
I think if you are just going to stay in one hotel and not leave it very much, then it is not so important where you go.

I book all our holidays, but that suits us. I don't cut the grass ! We are a team, some things I do somethings he does, somethings we do together !

I do the research and choose the place, DH books based on my instructions. I'm happy with that as I get to go where I want to buy don't have to do all the booking. Weren't we are there I do the itinerary and all the driving and talking as DH is rubbish at languages and I don't like his driving!

You care a lot more than him about where you holiday. You have the option to just randomly book somewhere that feels vaguely nice and not worry, or to insist that he does it, but you won't because you really care about where you go. What are you seeking? For him to make the bookings? What would you do if he did and you disliked the holiday you went on?

You get to go where you want, how bad is that ?

My dad happily said we'd never go anywhere if my mum didn't arrange it! My husband is the same, both mum and me just sorted it and almost always had a lovely time. I think you'll find you're not alone in having to do this or spend the summer at home!

Play to your strengths!
Im the organiser, I find destinations, flights at a good price and time, hotels, excursions and everything in between.
Like you I got slightly annoyed to always have to do this (especially as I was working and he was semi retired) so tasked him with finding a hotel in the city we were travelling to.
Criteria:
within the centre so we could easily access the sights;
included breakfast (as he doesn’t like paying extra)
within x budget
accessible from the airport by bus or train
He was 😳 at the idea and I guided him to tripadviser and local guides as a starting point and on return from work found long detailed lists of hotels which he wanted to go through with me!
I said “no” just tell me the ones that meet the criteria I don’t want to hear about the others! There were only a few! But he understood the complexity and is very admiring of my skills.
Weaponised incompetence?
Maybe.
But reality is he doesn’t have the skills to do this task and I do actually enjoy doing it so have pulled back on that.
He’s very good at manhandling the suitcases and other “blue” jobs
so I’ve accepted it’s within my skill set and maybe Im a bit of a control
freak with holidays anyway? 🤷‍♀️

Just realised I'm a "Mrs Margarita" as well 😂

Currently on roadtrip holiday in America, dh has done all the planning, bookings (flights & hotels), done all the driving, refuelling, day trip plans, restaurant reservations, show reservations. Called ubers. Flying back today, he's checked me in 😂

In return I've dealt with the packing, made tea for when we are in the car, suggested a few places to eat along the way that look nice, added my boarding ticket to my wallet.

He has refused to carry his wallet so I pay for things when we are out, we have fully joint finances so not a problem. The waiters struggle with it though.

Careful what you wish for yes he would book it but clearly doesn’t care where he goes do would book the 1st thing he come across
which I doubt you’d be happy with

I must admit that I am probably way more fussy than dh. Dh says he doesn’t mind where we go. But I feel like in reality he probably would mind if we ended up somewhere horrible because I hadn’t researched properly.

Yes, and I bet you would mind if he didn't pick somewhere you liked! You're the fussy one, so you either need to do the legwork yourself, or accept somewhere you might not have chosen yourself.

I’ve literally just done some bookings for stuff within a bigger holiday with a complicated itinerary.

I’m the booker/planner in our relationship. DP did say, just now, which I was pleased about, that he appreciated what I was doing. There was recognition that things don’t magically happen.

It’s not the hill I’m choosing to die on. I’m literally better than him at this stuff and it likely wouldn’t happen if I didn’t do it. Or certainly not in time. He’s fun to go away with, and I want to.

Conversely, he’s cooking dinner as write - because he’s better than me at that.
And when the holiday arrives, he’ll be doing all the driving (and there’s a lot) because I’ve become phobic about it, basically, and keep procrastinating about getting refresher lessons.

So, stuff evens out …

I feel your frustration op. I’ve been married almost 38 years and DH has never organised a single holiday. He says it’s because he’s not bothered whether we go away or not.

The problem is I do sometimes arrange a break with my friends or now adult children and when I tell him he does his sad face like he has been excluded.
Infuriating!

I think that if we use the right word to describe a thing, everything will be infinitely better. 'Research' is something that can potentially lead to an important discovery. If you rephrase your question using instead of 'research' 'went online and looked at a few destinations, options and prices', you will see it is unreasonable to be angry at him. You are in an enviable position of being in charge! Be happy!

I do all the research and booking and planning. But then I just pack my stuff ...he sorts everything out for him and DS, drives to the airport, carries the cases, gets me drinks and makes sure I get time on my own. I'm quite fullon once I'm away whereas he is happy to go with the flow.

I am your husband and proud of it 😀
I get taken to an airport (never really pay attention to which one), get handed my passport and get reminded where we are going!
It's not that deep, there's a funny meme about one side of a couple planning every detail of a holiday and the other one just rocking up with a margarita, I am Mrs margarita!
To be fair my husband bloody loves planning and I really don't care to much where I go so we work well!

This used to bother me until i realised recently that he sorts a lot of boring car related admin for me and I’d much rather plan holidays than do that!

I wouldn’t want it any other way. You go where you want to the kind of place you want!

I am like him. And I am still the one who plans our holidays. I just pick "good enough" efficiently and move on with my day. And we enjoy the holiday.

I think you might be overestimating how much better your research and planning makes your holiday, to him.

If he doesn’t want to get involved in planning, much easier for you as you get to make the decisions on where and when to go. Get it booked!

I absolutely love researching holidays and deciding where we’re going. I like input once I’ve narrowed it down to ones I’ve pre approved haha