Is this fair? Dh and holidays

I love planning the holidays so DH leaves me to it.

If he was told to plan something he'd go through an independent travel agent to take away the hassle. He did this for our honeymoon and it was fantastic. If you don't like planning, I'd recommend just going to a travel agent and seeing what they can do.

'He also can’t remember anywhere we’ve been. So if for example I ask if he fancies going back to Rhodes. He will look all sheepish because he can’t remember which one was Rhodes. He doesn’t know where in the world anywhere is and has no interest in looking on a map.'

I'm you, OP, and I'm afraid this really made me laugh.

My DH, in addition to having never booked a holiday in his life, is also massively tight, albeit with champagne tastes. Think lots of 'We are flying into Split again? Why not Dubrovnik?' 'I really think we should look at Sicily this July/August. We never made it there before. Why?'

Perhaps because you turn a pale shade of green every time I have booked a couple of Easyjet flights to self-catering trip somewhere short-haul, cheap and cheerful. And you turn a deeper shade of green every time I have shown you the cost of flights to somewhere more fashionable. I'm not brave enough to show him the cost of a peak season villa in the south of Italy!

Well, he seems like he trusts your judgment to book somewhere for holiday as you say, you’re fussier. The only reason he can’t remember the holidays as he’s a holiday princess.

Your husband sounds uneducated and boring, not interested in the world.Id hate that. But judging by the comments on here you are not alone.

I don't think every single task needs to be 50/50 shared, as long as each contributes in their own ways. He isn't fussy and you are, so it makes sense for you to do this particular task, which I think is an exciting one anyway, getting to plan a holiday is fun more than a chore. Plus, if he's not fussy and he planned it you might be more annoyed, not enjoying your holiday.

It’s the same in my house and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll rather go where I want. He does not complain. We decide the country well like and I’ll sort out the rest. I think because of the kids and I’m a bit picky, I love to make sure I like where I’m going. In the UK, I choose wherever I like, everyone has always liked my choice so I can say I’m good at it

I usually plan the holidays here however dh does his bit in taking care of the passports, managing everything at the airport, booking transfers and getting us about once on holiday. We both usually pick a country and then I enjoy making a shortlist, comparing hotels, checking where to get the best deal, making an itinerary etc. He then deals with the practical stuff once we get there.

What's the problem? You're fussy about where you go, he isn't, so you do the booking! You would only whinge if he booked and did it 'wrong'

I don't think I'd have a problem with booking the holiday but I draw the line at "not knowing where anywhere is in the world".

I couldn't even be friends with someone that thick let alone married!

I book all our holidays after doing my own research. I’ll narrow it to one or two and send it to dh for his views. Ultimately I decide. I’m fussier so if I’m happy he’s happy!

I hope that's the case. I'm your husband in my relationship. I have tried organising holidays or helping but I spend a crazy time trying to decide anything (and DH is not easily pleased) that DH ends up doing most of It. He does plan amazing holidays though that I'd never be capable of organising so I think this is good for both of us.

I do all the laundry. 🙂

I don’t really understand what you’re asking. If you don’t like sorting it, your only option is to stop?

DP is dramatic about the news/holidays so I’m just gonna go ahead and book without him. I’m fuming but I also get why he doesn’t want to risk it and I can’t be bothered to debate it any further.

I’d hate DH to much more involved in holidays than that 😂 I consult him on where to go, or pitch him on where I want to go but I choose all the hotels, activities etc and just run them past him in case he wants to veto anything.

He does all the cooking, cleaning and most of the packing though so it works well (for me).

I think that’s perfectly ok if the person doing all the planning enjoys it. If it’s forced on them by default ( you do it otherwise there won’t be a holiday this year) , then it’s not ok.

If you have young DC and your husband doesn’t care where you go, why don’t you just repeat book what you did last year? No one will care and you know that you were satisfied last year (were you?) . There is no need to go to different places when your DC are small - if you like the location you went to last year, return there.

I do all the research, booking etc. DH just gets the cases from the loft and drives us all to the airport.
I much prefer it this way though, he would just throw money at it thinking more expensive = better, but that's often not the case when taking dc away.
He is grateful for my efforts though and I wouldn't completely trust him to book our holidays so it suits me.

I mean, it obviously isn't 'fair' because you're doing all the leg work to make the holiday happen, but if you don't mind doing it, and it works for you as a couple, it doesn't really matter.
If you want him to get more involved, maybe start off by asking his opinions and insisting on in-put, but beware of making a monster! I felt a bit aggrieved that it was always me stressing over paint colours and fabric finishes etc. for our home, so I got DP involved and made him help me pick things, and now he gulps dramatically freely offers opinions and they sometimes differ from mine! Now I have to negotiate like a schmuck! 🤣

I’m not into travelling. One beach is the same as any other beach, and one city is the same as any other city, as far as I’m concerned. I have no desire to visit a range of places. Maybe your husband is the same? If you’re the one that enjoys visiting new places then you should be the one to put in the work to decide where you want to go, sorry.

Be careful what you wish for! I am chief holiday booker in our house and on the odd occasion DH actually looks and suggests somewhere it’s either in the arse end of nowhere, has dreadful reviews, or the airport transfer takes longer than the flight. Happy to be a complete control freak when it comes to holidays.

On one hand I wish dh was more engaged with it but on the other hand, if he was, researching and choosing (and arguing!) would be even more hard work and stress. I spend more time researching and planning and thinking about my holidays than I do actually on them, it’s ridiculous

his salary pays for most of them, so I can’t really complain

I am like your husband. My husband does all the research, booking etc etc and I show up.
If it was up to me I'd not go on holiday but every year I get hassled and eventually, under duress and guilt, I agree to go.
My attitude is if he wants to go, then he can sort it all out.

I think this is normal in most relationships isn’t it? It is in mine except I’m the one who just turns up at the airport passport in hand with no clue where we’re going.
Though I do pack for me and the kids so that’s my contribution

Mine’s similar, he says I’m the fussy one so I have to organise everything (that goes for any “fun” things not just holidays). Drives me mad.

that said, he definitely knows where things are on a map and knows where we have been. But then again we’ve done all kinds of things on holidays and there aren’t really two places we’ve been that could be deemed similar.

'Not minding' isn't an excuse to leave it all to someone else if that someone else would value some input and effort.

I do all of this too, but I am the fussy one. The rule is I do all of the holiday organising, but when we get there, he picks out things to do and restaurants etc. He's not an organised person but gets into it all once we're there.