Is this fair? Dh and holidays

Having owned a larg-ish boat in the South of France, which was the world's most lovely holiday home for the people who coowned it with us; they loved it, they had two useful teenage lads to help with the heavy work of moving it around. We had a slight nine year old, who could not cope physically with 16 tonnes of boat. And because of DH's day job in marine engineering, we dealt with most of the maintenance It did end up feeeling an quite uneven relationship.

I have had this a number of times. Also extends for other bits of "life admin". The galling bit which I have had a few times, is where things do not turn out to DH's liking and he then asks why did you not book this? Why did you not do that? Honestly I have not found a cure. I did go down the route of saying I will book one and he books the next... but he simply did not do anything at all. We went nowhere. So I settled for a rule that said if there was something he did not like he could not complain. This did not stop him trying, but I simply shut the conversation down. I am too far into this marriage now, but in honesty slowiy I have taken on a passenger who has done less and less and it is not pleasant.

Im a single childless woman heres how my holidays go.

Pick child free hotel, do fuck all research turn up and hope for the best find my way about.
I hate panning i like to just go with the flow on a whim, and do random things when i get there.

Look at the positive side, you always get to go where you want to go.

You say you are fussy and he doesnt care, so I dont see the problem as you both get what you want.

So you have said you are picky so if he went ahead and organised it all you would be all fine with what he picked?

But if he has always been like this then why do it? It cant be a surprise to you?, it would drive me up the wall to be with somone like this but I wouldn't have had a relationship with someone in the first place

My husband pays so little attention that sometimes he doesn't know where we are going until we get to the airport gate. It doesn't bother me at all.

You accept it or you don’t. Is he great otherwise? I plan our holidays in terms of the admin but husband and children are very involved with choosing where. I spend ages showing them pictures and husband entertains my endless conversations but I really enjoy “holiday shopping”.

its simple. If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

My DH is similar, but I enjoy all the planning and researching. We think of an area or country together then I will research and narrow it down to 3-4 selections for him to look at!
He is much more go with the flow and would probably book something last minute to wherever looked like the best deal if we didn’t have DC.
He can do holiday planning if he has to but it’s a better use of our skill sets for me to do it.

Just to add he does his own packing and organising and if I ask him to do tasks like sort out ordering currency he will do it without reminders

I couldn't be with someone who was interested where in the world we'd travelled to! I don't understand that mindset at all.

I plan all our holidays and enjoy it, but even my four year old learns a few words of the language and as a family we will learn some of the history and geography of the place we are going to. I can't imagine just rocking up with no care or clue as to where I was!

Sometimes my husband doesn’t know where we are going until we get in the car and he says ‘right, what’s the postcode?’ for the sat nav

I couldn't get myself worked up about this. If you don't want to do any legwork just use a travel agent. I love planning holidays so I'm delighted that DH keeps his nose out for the most part! In the same way he's delighted that I don't care about tech so he can research and buy exactly what he wants. It's all just a TV to me and it's all just a holiday to him. Unless your DH abdicates responsibility for all decision making which is very different.

He’d be getting pushed in the swimming pool if he was with me!

If he really doesn’t care beyond having a decent sized pool to the point where he doesn’t even know where he is, and pulls his weight by doing other household admin then I really don’t see the issue tbh.

Personally I would find it a massive turn off to be with someone so disinterested in travel. And so disinterested in taking on some of the admin. He sounds utterly tiresome and dull To me. But then travel is incredibly important to me.

I'm more than happy to do all the holiday organising and DH trusts me to do a good job of it. He is happy to do all the driving including abroad, on road trips, on narrow windy mountain roads etc which means we get to see some amazing sights. I wouldn't like to drive abroad though happy to do it in the UK.

So it's good teamwork for us.

Rearching holidays and travel is a bit of a hobby for me. Tiime off is precious so I want to get it right. He's more happy to go with the flow than I am and he'd make the best of a crappy location or something whereas I'd find it more annoying and would spend half the first day annoyed we were stuck there and THEN get over it.

My dh books all the holidays and I never get to choose where I go. This year Ive refused to go with him as it's all his way. (Plus he's a right misery these days so I'll be glad of the break tbh).
I'd happily do the booking if I got to go where I wanted. I don't think it matters if your dh can't remember where you went, if they're the same type of resort, one is pretty much like the other anyway.

If you're picky, I think it's fair enough that you do it, tbh (providing he never moans about where you end up).

He’s not going to turn into a travel person now after not being a travel person for all these years.

If you don’t want to organise it then don’t. But accept that means you will probably never go on holiday.

Not everyone loves to travel.

It is the other way round here, I turn up, he books everything. I won’t even drive a hire car on holiday. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy going it’s that I find the planning too overwhelming and never make a decision which means we would end up not going anywhere!

Same, but I like it. DH is an Airport Princess, shows up and asks where we are going. I may allow him to hold his own passport. It's also better for his mental health if he doesn't know how much our trips cost. 😂

If yours has other strengths, enjoy the freedom to get the holiday you want, instead of massively compromising because you want a boutique 5 star in Maldives and he insists on wild camping in Scotland..

God, I'm a control freak and have the horror at the idea of dh organising a holiday. So normally I would raise a vague question - what do we fancy this year - e.g. Spain, Italy, beach, citybreak....Then i go and find some options all pre-approved by me and ask him to tell me what he prefers, So he feels he's consulted, I get mostly what I want and everyone is happy. Worked for 25 years.

I do get annoyed by this too as im you in this situation. But, I probably wouldn't let my husband plan a holiday without me seeing it & i think he knows that. He does all the boring stuff like travel insurance/airport parking & carrying passports through airport instead.

You can't really complain about this now, presumably he has never been interested in the world around him-that won't be new.Eithrt take up the slack and don't complain or make an issue of it- but it won't get you anywhere.

I usually do all the work regarding holidays - last year I told DH I was fed up of it and I wanted him to arrange it all for this year, including where we're going. It's going to be our long-delayed honeymoon, ten years late due to my mother's death, his mother's death, my stepdaughter's death, covid and my cancer.

I did have to give him some pointers as he was getting SOOOO stressed, but he did book it all, deal with the paperwork, transfers etc., and it was quite complicated as we're having a combination of nice hotel stays and a short cruise. He doesn't get stressed about actually doing it - he is a very competent person - he gets really stressed about getting it right for me!

So - no it's not fair that you have to do it all... But if it means you get exactly what you want maybe it's worth it!