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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask my ex to contribute to school trip costs?

91 replies

Trustmeits · 30/04/2026 14:39

My ex husband pays CMS each month it's around £600 a month based on his earnings. My son (13) has a school trip next year which cost £1200. I have asked ex to pay half as I assumed maintenance didn't cover extras like trips.
He has refused and said it was my choice to go to CMS and I will have to deal with it.

He was offering a private arrangement which was for less than half of what CMS said he should pay so I felt like I had no choice.

I know there is nothing I can do, just wondering if I was being unreasonable asking him for extra for a trip. I'm going to have to struggle to cover it by myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trustmeits · 30/04/2026 16:08

I booked it anyway as I am going to pay it myself, I just hoped he would want to contribute.

The £600 is only for DS1 I haven't claimed for DS2 as it's shared care.

He's not in private school now, it's a normal al high school in the UK.

OP posts:
TheBlueKoala · 30/04/2026 16:04

Trustmeits · 30/04/2026 16:00

I did ask him before I said yes to the trip. I said have you seen the information about the trip DS would really like to go, are you able to contribute half.

I find it difficult as my DS (13) doesn't see him out of his choice but my other DS (11) does see him and he gets taken on weekends away, holidays etc... feels unfair he can't contribute to something extra for DS1.

So that's why. DS13 doesn't want to see his dad so dad doesn't want to pay for anything extra.
I do think 1200£ is extreme. Is he in private school?

Surprisednotusedb4 · 30/04/2026 16:03

The £600 a month - per child? Or both?

Surprisednotusedb4 · 30/04/2026 16:02

Trustmeits · 30/04/2026 16:00

I did ask him before I said yes to the trip. I said have you seen the information about the trip DS would really like to go, are you able to contribute half.

I find it difficult as my DS (13) doesn't see him out of his choice but my other DS (11) does see him and he gets taken on weekends away, holidays etc... feels unfair he can't contribute to something extra for DS1.

And he said no
but you went ahead and booked anyway

Original poster
Trustmeits · 30/04/2026 16:00

I did ask him before I said yes to the trip. I said have you seen the information about the trip DS would really like to go, are you able to contribute half.

I find it difficult as my DS (13) doesn't see him out of his choice but my other DS (11) does see him and he gets taken on weekends away, holidays etc... feels unfair he can't contribute to something extra for DS1.

OP posts:
Surprisednotusedb4 · 30/04/2026 15:20

Not unreasonable
but he’s not being outrageously unreasonable in sticking to the arrangement either

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/04/2026 15:12

I don't think you can "ask him to pay half" if you make the decision that your son is going unilaterally.

It's an optional trip and an extra cost, if he wants his child to go, then he has to contribute to the cost.

MonsterasEverywhere · 30/04/2026 15:11

Surely you should have asked whether your ex whether he was able to contribute and not just ask straight out for half. He may simply not have that amount of money to spend. £1200 is a lot for a school trip and finances should have been considered before agreeing to the trip.

redskyAtNigh · 30/04/2026 15:06

The majority of children can't go on these expensive trips (and £600 is still expensive!).

You are not unreasonable to ask your ex.
He is not unreasonable to refuse. He is BU to refuse if it's to spite you, but he may well just feel the £600 on a school trip is just not good use of money.

BudgetBuster · 30/04/2026 15:06

Not unreasonable to ask, and he's not unreasonable to decline.

Thats an awful lot of money. I think you should have (maybe you have tbf) sent him the details and explained your son wants to go and can he contribute BEFORE saying yes to the trip.

Sanch1 · 30/04/2026 14:58

YANBU to ask but he doesn’t have to say yes as technically CMS is supposed to cover everything. Shit but true.

I only agree to kids trips like this is we can afford it and then take anything that my ex offers as a bonus. He gets all the school communication and my kids also tell him.

Whyherewego · 30/04/2026 14:50

I'd just say to ex that CMS obviously isn't going to cover school trips like this because of course not all children go on these sorts of trips every year. So the government calculation isn't going to include this sort of expense. Then tell him that if he doesn't want to contribute half then that is fine and you will let DS know that he can't go because he can't afford it.
Do not pay it all!

MiddleAgedDread · 30/04/2026 14:49

£1200 for a school trip?? That's more than I spend on my week's summer holiday, paying my own way as a well earning adult. Aside from whether he pays or not, that's insane!

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2026 14:46

That’s a vast amount of money! Loads of people won’t be able to afford it. It’s great that you can. Your ex might not have the money, he equally might think it’s not remotely worth it. You’re allowed to ask, he’s allowed to decline.

ThatGladTiger · 30/04/2026 14:42

You’re not being unreasonable to ask.

He’s also not being unreasonable to say no. Whilst in reality CMS doesn’t cover everything that’s how it’s labelled.

Also did you just ask him for £600 after your committed to the trip or was it more of Joe wants to go but I’d need £600? Maybe it didn’t land right!

rubyslippers · 30/04/2026 14:40

Yanbu
your ex sounds like an arse
i would also talk to school as they could arrange a payment plan or other subsidy to help with the costs

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