School mum crossed a line or am I overthinking it?

I had a friend who said something similar to her DD when she was telling her about something that happened at school, sort of don't be a tell tale and wouldn't listen. I thought that was really off, surely you want to know what's going on if a child is upset about something. I mean it could be something really bad like inappropriate touching or worse if you don't let the child explain they must assume it's OK and they shouldn't say anything.

So she doesn't like your son that's clear. Also, she has no right to tell your son off for coming to you when he felt uncomfortable. Are you a people pleaser @HangingHeather ? Because my spontaneous reaction would be "that's not a very nice thing to say" to the first comment and "My son does exactly what I have told him to do - tell an adult if he's afraid". I'm sure sge will go on and say "snitches get stitches" when they are older and her son has bullied/hit your son.

Stand up for yourself and your son- she sounds like a horrible person and I would never let my ds be on his own with her and her son.

I don’t think I’d get over the first comment honestly. If you want to preserve the friendship you probably need to say something or it will bother you forever.

The second? What did the boy say? My son and his friends were (and are) nonstop battles in their imaginative play so some comments out of context could sound pretty bad.

when I said I wasn’t planning on having any more children, she said she completely understood because she “couldn’t imagine having two of my son.”
I think its thoughtless rather than malicious. Perhaps speaking out loud when she should have kept it in her head.
I probably would have been miffed, like you but that's because we are protective of our children.

If your close enough maybe air your feelings, especially about the second comment which I do feel should be challenged. It doesn't have to be confrontational. Just say what you said here, that you've always encouraged ds to speak to an adult if he is uncomfortable.

Yes, exactly this. Both needed to be addressed at the time.

Still not too late, obviously.

Her second comment was embarrassment that her son did something wrong.

The first comment probably stung as you love your son but she was saying she wouldn’t be able to cope. It’s a comment on how she feels she can parent not yours.

But I agree with others cool the relationship if you feel all she brings is these comments.

I’d be hurt by her comment about how she couldn’t imagine having two of your son too.

It sounds like maybe she was the right friend when your children were smaller but you have different viewpoints that are becoming more apparent as they grow. Someone told me years ago that we have friends for reasons, seasons and life and it’s really stuck with me - maybe she was a friend for a season rather than life?

Ha! she didn't like her son being shown up to be in the wrong so had to try and make out your son was in the wrong too. I wouldn't be friends with her, she doesn't sound like a friend putting your son down whenever she can.

I’d be offended too, especially by the first comment. I think I would probably distance myself from her. if the boys generally get on well then leave them to it, though I might be inclined to keep play dates at home so I could keep an eye on.

I just couldn’t be arsed.

3 children in, a million play dates, some with parents who didn’t like my child or made shitty comments.

You’ll find a few decent parents that you get on with and can have an easy laugh with, they are out there!

Neither comment is ok. She doesn’t like your son.

I’d have politely pulled her up on both comments

“oh we love x, I’d be happy with 2 of him if we were having another “

”actually, we feel it’s important that x can come and tell us if he feels uncomfortable and that’s something we’ll continue to encourage “.

doesn’t have to be any drama , etc but just subtle way of letting her know actually her input isn’t welcome

when I said I wasn’t planning on having any more children, she said she completely understood because she “couldn’t imagine having two of my son.”

I would be hurt by that too. Generally I would be seeking out new friends for both you and your son.

At 7 you’re either at or fast approaching a time when you don’t need to stay for a play date. What she said was certainly ‘off’ and you’re not overthinking… maybe just step back a little bit and spend less time with her.