School mum crossed a line or am I overthinking it?

If you are or have been telling her about the struggles with your son and the waiting fur an assessment, then she is aware your son is quite intense and why. Given she knows this, it is why she’s agreed with you about not he having more children as she’d find it difficult to gave two quite intense children. What I mean is that she’s mirroring your concerns.

her delivery could have been better for sure.

what I absolutely don’t agree with is about telling tales. It was not a “tale” as he didn’t make up anything about her son but rather, and rightly so, let you know something that made him uncomfortable was chosen to watch. I think at that time, telling the woman you encourage your child to tell you if someone is doing something that makes him uncomfortable and you’d appreciate if rather than discourage him, she support your approach

I didn't ask the OP to explain her son's symptoms.

The first comment is hurtful. It’s the type of thing you might say to your husband on the sly (I know plenty of 7 year olds that I would hate to have to parent!) but she shouldn’t have said it to your face.

The second example is totally inappropriate of her. She’s encouraging children not to disclose inappropriate behaviour?!

Id drop her. It’s really not worth it.

She doesn’t like him. And she’s not scared to show it. She’s not really a friend.
i wouldn’t let ur son be around her.

Your DS is 7, he's at an age where running to a parent to "tell" on a friend over something like what they're watching will soon see him with few friends at all. If he has AuDHD he may well have difficulty reading the social cues that most kids pick up on by this age and work out for himself how to draw that line. It's important that you teach him there's a line there and give him a way to deal with it, not just tell him he should always tell adults. Your friend was doing him a favour and you ought to be doing the same.

It's good that children are encouraged to speak up if something is making them feel uncomfortable or they know is wrong. To say that your son shouldn't 'tell tales' otherwise he'll have no friends is wrong. It's different if a child is telling on another child over something minor and it's purely to get them into trouble (yes, children do this!). Your son felt uncomfortable with the content of the TV show, and spoke up. I'd say well done to you OP, for teaching your son, that speaking up is absolutely OK!

Clearly this woman finds your son hard work, and her comment regarding 'not wanting two like your son', reflects that. It was a rather insensitive comment, and she should have kept her opinions to herself.

I would be stepping back from the friendship to be honest.

Why should she explain his symptoms??
what a weird and unhelpful comment.

This is more of a general observation OP & not directed at your son given you haven't explained his symptoms.

Nowadays it appears every child who is full of life, energetic and generally high spirited has to be assessed for ADHD. Regardless your friends comment was out of order.

The first comment would have done it for me , she sounds rude and bitchy

She feels sufficiently relaxed with you to be able to speak to your son and she is right, kids don't like tale-telling. It's not like anyone was dying. He needs to learn that you don't run to mum and dad, or teacher, with the slightest thing, save that for more serious happenings.

It was tactless of your friend to say she couldn't imagine having two of your son. People should learn to think before they open their mouths.

I'm sure he isn't too bad and he will calm down in time. We're all sensitive about our kids so I get how you felt but it really isn't a big deal.

the first comment, maybe she was trying to be empathetic in a clumsy way?

the second one, she is right, no need to go telling tales and it is going to piss his friends off!

Read this earlier today - I think she has no business telling YOUR child not to tell tales. She is confusing him and may affect his self confidence and he won't know if something is ''bad'' and he won't know what to do if he thinks something is ''bad'' now -she is confusing a child's mind i.e. he won't know ''wrong from right''. Really out of line..

That's terrible. Try to find new friends for your son and then show him no one should tolerate ignorant behavior. People like that only get worse.

She may be on the spectrum herself and could be the reason why she finds your son’s behaviour triggering.

Snip snip, cut those ties.and step back before you and your son get stuck with that sort of condescension

Has he got other friendships? My son is quite hyper too but his best friend has the same energy levels so it's fine. He's been on playdates with a more meek child and it wasn't the right vibe for either of them. I think where the other parent was not used to a child who was as hyper they can look down on them even if they don't mean to. Perhaps your friends the same and finds him too much. I'm sure she doesn't mean it but when your child's low maintenance it can be a bit of a shock to deal with kids that aren't. I would have said something at the time if it pissed me off.

How is she the rest of the time? Honestly if this is two small things among an otherwise pleasant friendship I wouldnt obsess over it. The first comment is just not very tactful and speaks to her parenting rather than your child. My kids have always been full on and lots of friends have said they wouldn't cope with their energy levels. Honestly I take it as a compliment. The second comment just comes across as over protective of her son. We all have a bit of the tiger mum about us particularly if we dont get another child. I probably wouldnt leave my child alone with her as does sound as though she doesn't 'get' him. But not sure there's a need to bin the friendship if it otherwise serves well.

They don't sound like friends at all, I'd try to pull back from this. Just avoid future playdates.

Don’t let him “go upstairs” out of sight.

Her son was in the wrong in the second instance she didn't like being told so she tried to turn it round on him.

The first comment was rude and tactless.
People who can't learnt tact will ruin their friendships.
Keep things light and tactful.

Also just because the parents are friends doesn't mean the parents will get on and vice versa.
Practice coming back to people at the time when they say something off. Don't let them get away with it .
If something feels off it usually is.

What a very unpleasant thing to say. She is either unkind or has the emotional intelligence of a gnat.

I don't know if the first comment is as bad as you think. If she'd said it out with a discussion about why you are sticking at one then yes, it's very rude.

But she was perhaps (clumsily) trying to say the right thing to give you reassurance for your decision. The sort of opposite of 'oh you are really missing out' but it comes out wrong

So true. I mean only you know what its like to be his mother, not anyone else, so why should anyone else have an opinion? I would find it insulting.

i agree and I'd also be taking a step back from this friendship. Her comment about you not having more children due to your son was crass and unkind.
I hope she didn't say that in his hearing.
Telling your son off because her son was watching something in appropriate was also dead wrong.

It's perfectly fine for you to say this about your son. I don't think you would say this about someone else's though, would you?