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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think about leaving career for an 'easier' job and more time with the kids?

43 replies

Swingingtree · 30/04/2026 12:49

Not sure if this is the right place to open about this but basically, I have been progressing in my career and work full time from home with a company. The job is quite flexible in terms of picking up kids from nursery in case of illness, getting stuff done around the house, logging off on time etc. However, my employer won't allow me to go part-time and my mum guilt is eating me up. DC2 will start nursery full time very soon and I can't bear the thought of it. I've really enjoyed my 2nd mat leave and struggling to accept that I will be paying someone to look after my baby full time. I have been looking at admin council jobs, particularly term time ones, and I am thinking AIBU to want to apply for one of these roles? Or should I wait out the nursery years and just continue working for this company? My current work allows for stress-free mornings, stress-free pick ups, weekends without chores as they all get done during the week but I don't have any time with my babies. I will only see them in the morning and evening and during the weekend. It feels so unnatural. DH thinks I shouldn't feel guilty and that my work will come in handy when DCs are in schools for drop offs and pick ups etc.

I suppose my main concern is missing out on my career progression when the kids are older. Financially, we would afford the pay cut thanks to DH's salary + my salary is not much more than nursery fees. It's such a tricky one but it's all I have been thinking about lately. Would love to hear your stories and/or opinions. TIA xx

OP posts:
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WorkCleanRepeat · 08/05/2026 20:02

2 years ago I quit what sounds like a similar role and took a part time term time civil service role. I'm bored senseless and absolutely hate it.

For me it was not worth it at all.

Dalmationday · 08/05/2026 20:01

Girlygal · 08/05/2026 19:57

You continue to work full time and your husband drops a day. Don’t throw away your career if your husband won’t compromise.

Show quote history

Her husband won’t drop a day

Dalmationday · 08/05/2026 20:00

Yanbu

i has a very enviable glamorous career. It was not very flexible. I missed my baby (and went on to have 2 more) after a year of nursery. It wasn’t working for our family. Have been sahm and it’s absolutely been the right choice for me. I adore these years with little people

Girlygal · 08/05/2026 19:57

Swingingtree · 08/05/2026 19:00

@Girlygal as mentioned previously, my employer refused my PT request to drop a day. My DH won’t go PT.

You continue to work full time and your husband drops a day. Don’t throw away your career if your husband won’t compromise.

Original poster
Swingingtree · 08/05/2026 19:00

@Girlygal as mentioned previously, my employer refused my PT request to drop a day. My DH won’t go PT.

OP posts:
Girlygal · 08/05/2026 17:47

Swingingtree · 08/05/2026 17:44

@DrinkFeckArseBrick that is so nice to have that level of flexibility. I suppose I am feeling this way because I don’t know a single mum in my circle who works full time and doesn’t spend at least a weekday with her children. But on questioning why, I do wonder if it’s because of extortionate nursery fees rather than merely wanting to be with the kids. I appreciate not everyone is in a position to send kids to nursery FT. My understanding is that in the EU for instance, where childcare fees are not as high, preschoolers go to nursery FT and both parents work FT. Or am I just trying to make myself feel better 😂

I work full time and have done since dd was 12 months old. If you and husband go down to 4 days each then your child will only be in nursery 3 times a week.

Original poster
Swingingtree · 08/05/2026 17:44

@DrinkFeckArseBrick that is so nice to have that level of flexibility. I suppose I am feeling this way because I don’t know a single mum in my circle who works full time and doesn’t spend at least a weekday with her children. But on questioning why, I do wonder if it’s because of extortionate nursery fees rather than merely wanting to be with the kids. I appreciate not everyone is in a position to send kids to nursery FT. My understanding is that in the EU for instance, where childcare fees are not as high, preschoolers go to nursery FT and both parents work FT. Or am I just trying to make myself feel better 😂

OP posts:
ForPinkDuck · 08/05/2026 17:30

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM. The grass isnt greener. Local councils are fairly large organisations. There are tons of interpersonal dynamics. Their budgets have been slashed and the council elections will have distabilised them more. They undertake some very important statutoty obligations like child protection, SEN education. Many workers work over their hours and dress in smart casual wear ever day.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/05/2026 17:21

It's something I talk to my kids about now. They didn't hate nursery but never particularly wanted to go. When they were little they always asked why they were in after school club, why they had to go to nursery etc. But now they think we made the right choice, they get to do activities and holidays etc they wouldn't if one of us wasn't working or was working a much lower paid job. Yesterday their school was shut for voting for example and they had friends over while I worked, as they are old enough to entertain themselves (with some supervision and check ins)...if I had to go into the office every day they'd be in childcare on these days

Original poster
Swingingtree · 08/05/2026 17:18

@DrinkFeckArseBrick thanks for the eye opening comment. Appreciate this sort of insight since I don’t have much foresight into primary school years. I just hope their behaviour will turn out OK from attending nursery full time. I am obsessing about it at this point 😂

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/05/2026 17:14

Don't knock having flexibility when they're in school. This month we have two sports days, a team tournament, a science fayre thing, and an afternoon showing off their work, all in standard working hours, for 2 kids. There are things they've declined as well. If they want to do any hobbies after school that aren't in school grounds, it's great to be able to pop out and take them and log back on. Before you move you need to check how flexible any new place would be for stuff like this and work out what you want your life to look like in a few years. Is your career one you'd easily be able to pick back up later?

Original poster
Swingingtree · 08/05/2026 16:59

@nutbrownhare15 my work is just not flexible with different working schedules. It is so sad. I am still in two minds as to what to do.

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 01/05/2026 22:10

You have the right to request flexible working so think about what you could request eg. 10 days in 9 and take other weekday as annual leave. Also when you go back to work you will have accrued extra annual leave that you can take as a day a week for a while.

Original poster
Swingingtree · 01/05/2026 21:54

@SpottyDeckchair thank you. These are very eye-opening points and I am welcoming them. I suppose the reason I am here is to be told I am not a bad mum and I should just go back to my job. I also think that DCs won’t feel the difference between 5 days at nursery vs. 4? So I am potentially winding myself up for nothing 🫣

OP posts:
SpottyDeckchair · 01/05/2026 19:01

You have a flexible career & WFH
Such roles are becoming increasingly scarce, so I'd think a dozen times before moving to something else.

-Children are expensive
-You would have limited/no flexibility working in an office.
-Consider the impact on your income, your pension, your medium- long term finances
-After the initial change how would you feel about having a job not a career

I'd stick with the current role.

Girlygal · 01/05/2026 18:57

Swingingtree · 01/05/2026 06:57

@HoskinsChoice I am very mixed up indeed… I want another job because I feel I will barely get to see DCs during the week and they are so little. It is not an option for DH to go PT. His salary is more than double mine and therefore more valuable for our savings, mortgage, holidays etc.

It would be ideal to find a role similar to mine but with less hours. I have been looking for a month and there’s not been anything sadly.

A nanny wouldn’t be possible as we are receiving nursery funding for DC1 so we would need to pay more for non-council registered childcare

Edited

Your DH will still be on a good wage when part time. He could work 3-4 days instead of 5. Why should you sacrifice your career when your husband won’t go part time? Don’t leave your job.

BoredZelda · 01/05/2026 18:56

@Aprilsun2 I don’t understand what you mean by “unnatural”. That sounds quite a pejorative term.

BoredZelda · 01/05/2026 18:53

Aprilsun2 · 01/05/2026 10:08

YANBU - these are years you’ll never get back , and time and memories with your kids is worth more than any job.

My time and memories of the years since my daughter was a toddler are far more valuable to me than the struggle that was toddlerhood. I don’t have many fond memories of that time of our lives. Being at home with two kids of toddler / pre-school age isn’t all it’s cracked up to be for many people.

Original poster
Swingingtree · 01/05/2026 18:47

@Sartre completely agree. Wouldn't give this a second thought if I were a guy, I think?!

@Dozer yes, DH can also help out when DCs are sick etc.

@CharSiu that sounds like an amazing opportunity! Would love to work in a uni admin role supporting academia. Would be ideal!

@poppetandmog I feel a bit exposed specifying my field. The job market feels extremely dry atm, I agree.

@BarbiesDreamHome thanks for your encouragement. My thinking atm is for me to start with DC2 settling in nursery a few weeks before and then we take it from there...

OP posts:
BarbiesDreamHome · 01/05/2026 11:59

And just to add, social media gives far too much to the magical memories, cherish every moment, only 18 summers stuff.

Most of us were raised by parents trying their best and thats all anyone can do. You don't have to be there 24/7, life is a permanent balancing act with kids.

BarbiesDreamHome · 01/05/2026 11:57

Personally as a mum of older children, I wouldn't give up a job you're competent at and can cruise in for a few years.

What i would say is explore your legal options - requests for flexible working, use your annual leave, don't forget you have a legal entitlement to 18 weeks unpaid leave per child so if the little years are important to you, use them. DH has the same rights.

There's a lot to be said for keeping a job you're coping with and comfortable and established in. It can be a frying pan into the fire situation.

poppetandmog · 01/05/2026 11:53

What do you do for work? You assume you will get one of these easy jobs but the job market is brutal at the moment. If you are overqualified then you’re unlikely to be successful. Unlikely that you would have the same flexibility or be able to work from home either. Totally understand why you’d want more time with your kids but it’s not a great time at the moment to be giving up a stable, well paid, flexible job.

DeathNote11 · 01/05/2026 10:31

I'm currently doing similar but I'm going part time on my "main job" & will be working a far easier (but not that much lower paid which is an insult to injury) job for half of the week. Totally worth it.

CharSiu · 01/05/2026 10:28

I left nursing to work in a library, it was night and day stress wise far better for family life, was still FT. Took a huge pay cut but was best thing I ever did. The council then paid for me to take some para professional library exams. I ended up running a small specialist library at a leading University. Was a great job. Had to relocate and ended up as a University housing officer who specialised in assisting students with additional needs at another RG University. Medical background was helpful but had never worked in housing. I have never earned mega bucks but have zero gaps in employment history, quite good pensions and loved helping people

bluecloudme · 01/05/2026 10:20

I quit my job when dd was 3 for much same reasons as you. I did roughly same job but on self employed basis which gave me huge flexibility. I worked ft but did prob half of my hours after she had gone to bed. I’m a night owl so I could handle it but it was tough and not good health-wise long term.

Even if going self employed isn’t an option , could your flexibility allow you to work when kids are asleep or one day at a weekend?

It’s a tough choice. Neither is right or wrong but it’s prob worth trying your best to see if you can find a way to balance without giving up your job. It’s much easier when they go to school!