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Original poster

To wonder why people talk over me?

108 replies

Tressle · 30/04/2026 11:55

I have only recently started to really notice this, and it makes me recall various times throughout my life when it has also happened.
Just a bit of background - I'm from a stable/happy family, was very well cared for, encouraged and valued as a child and did well in school. I don't have any shyness issues or mental health concerns, and to the best of my knowledge I am a good listener and love communicating with people.

I have recently noticed when in groups of more than 2 people I am often over-talked, usually when I am around 3 words into a sentence. My DH does not do this thankfully, and I am sure he has even begun to notice it happening when we socialise.
For example, we met up with friends yesterday afternoon for coffee/lunch as we do often, and there were 5 of us (male and female) in total, sat in a circle around a small table. Everyone in this group is friendly, but it still seems to happen. You know that relaxed energy when you are chatting with friends on a sunny day, no stress, nice atmosphere....all contributing to talk about local building projects, where one had been on holiday, what soups we love to make, low key stuff.

And I notice that whenever I add something or lean forward to speak, I will get a few words in and someone will just start talking over it, very naturally, almost as if it never happened - which is likely why I have not fully consciously recognised it for so long!
I remember this happening in small groups at various times in the past and am wondering if it is natural to some extent, or whether it's me...or them!

I don't speak too quietly, and am not under confident. As far as I know I am not boring Grin and I don't hog conversations or prattle either.
Oddly enough this is only in social circles, never through work with clients and colleagues or in academic situations. In fact the only place it never happened was at uni/work.

The worst thing is that I have noticed that now, when it happens, I have started to rush my sentence out in effort to be heard before someone overtakes it and I think that's sad.

It is easy to just say people are rude, but I don't know. It isn't just recent, so perhaps a group dynamic, or god knows, maybe I am a bad fit??
Anyone experienced this, and can shine a light on it?

OP posts:
Twattergy · 30/04/2026 12:23

I think its a combination of things 1) you notice it, as in, this does happen to us all quite a lot (me definitely) but you are now noticing it more and feeling its just you, when its just what we all have to manage especially in lively group conversations 2) you know one or two particularly mouthy people who tend to talk over others. So, in summary, I dont think it is you!

Whyarepeople · 30/04/2026 12:14

From what you say it sounds like the issue is the other people rather than you. Are they friendlier with each other than they are with you? Is there some sort of competition/jockeying for position between them?

I'm a very confident person but I don't do well in group friendships. I'm very aware of the dynamics and this sort of thing - one person constantly getting talked over - drives me nuts.

PygmyOwl · 30/04/2026 12:14

Strangely, this happens to me, but only with one specific group of friends. In fact, reading this thread has just made me realise it's actually one specific person! That makes me feel better about it!

DiscerningDiana · 30/04/2026 12:12

I really don’t understand it either. I know when I notice someone else is being talked over I try and make space for them to say what it, eg ‘sorry Sarah what were you saying there’…don’t feel like I get that myself though!

Original poster
Tressle · 30/04/2026 12:10

DiscerningDiana · 30/04/2026 12:09

Happens me too OP! Just in a group situation. I have no solutions though. In my case I am a little shy in a group situation so possibly I don’t speak assertively or confidently enough. It doesn’t happen me at work interestingly, more in social situations with groups of women.

Sadly it is definitely mostly women who do it, to me anyway. I am not overly assertive but far from meek, I have analysed my own behaviour and can't fathom this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tressle · 30/04/2026 12:09

Most recent one for me looked like this..

We are all discussing making soups, which our favourites are. It's a fairly relaxed, even conversation with no one dominating it. I had to attempt a sentence 4 times before giving up, as each time I began to say it, someone just talked over it as if I wasn't there or I was a pet dog beside the table.

I was trying to say "I have recently discovered a fab wild garlic and mushroom soup recipe we are trying tomorrow, it sounds delicious! Has anyone tried it?" Throughout this DH was fully listening and looked confused about it, too.

@notacooldad your comment made me realise that it is usually one or two specific people who do it.

OP posts:
DiscerningDiana · 30/04/2026 12:09

Happens me too OP! Just in a group situation. I have no solutions though. In my case I am a little shy in a group situation so possibly I don’t speak assertively or confidently enough. It doesn’t happen me at work interestingly, more in social situations with groups of women.

notacooldad · 30/04/2026 11:59

This used to happen to me a lot then I noticed when I did it to a particular person how she stopped me from interrupting just by subtly putting her index finger up , nodded and carried on talking. It didny come across as rude but assertive, although I can imagine people saying its sounds rude.
After reflecting I have tried this and other tactics such as adding a ' hold that thought, I just want to say.........'
It has done absolute wonders for my confidence in a group situation where you have some big personalities.

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