To wonder why people talk over me?

Fascinating thread.

I’m partially deaf and find overlapping conversations / constant interruptions impossible to manage - even more so as I get older. I tend to spend the time watching the people talking quite closely (what I miss in sound / words can often be compensated in body language etc). My mum and dad have completely different conversation styles - she’s constantly interrupting/ correcting / talking over people 🙄, he waits until people have finished and really listens. It’s probably the thing they argue about most. So I grew up with both models - both my sister and I were interrupters, but we’ve since learned not to be, mostly.

My boss does it - he’s a nervous character and constantly trying to control conversations, so he jumps in to finish sentences 🙄
I have two collègues who have ADHD and they do it all the time - wow it’s annoying but I hold up a hand to stop them. They don’t learn but at least I get to speak.

And a lot of the time I just sit back and let it all wash over me. I was at a book group meet-up - 6 of us, 4 shouting over each other, 2 of us had a quiet conversation together taking turns to speak. I prefer 1-2-1 these days, or polite groups.

This is interesting. I often get talked over -I think with some groups/ people it is the Queen bee syndrome -the Qb says she must go now and the whole group start saying their goodbyes, putting their coats on. Whereas you say you must leave early and get up to go and are ignored.
I have a deep voice but without the volume most men have but I am also not too good at telling a story. So a bit boring.
i have a friend who lives alone -when we meet she talks constantly, imv, about the most trivial ‘problems’ in her life but i think she is just offloading - which i don’t mind but she has little interest in my life.

Perhaps there is some envy by the one who talks over you,OP, and they are ‘putting you in your place’.

@Tressle My best tip for this is to direct your sentence to the person who is interrupting you. Even when your input is a general statement, direct it to that person.

So, let's say Maude has rudely spoken over you. Look Maude in the eye, smile, and say "Oh Maude! (say her name) I'm planning to make an amazing soup recipe tonight! Garlic and mushroom! Have you ever tried garlic and mushroom soup?"

Every time, address her. Subtle at first, and she won't interrupt as it will catch her off guard and she can't interject in her own two-way conversation (between you and her). Each time you do it, it reinforces the behaviour, like tapping a dog lightly on the nose.

Tap that damn dog's nose as many times as you need to.

I have noticed this as well. Seems to be happening a lot more. Not only in groups but with individuals as well .
Store Assistants, Call Centre Staff and the General Public.

Only they seem to exist in their world

Either they dont really want to listen to you
Or really don't want to talk to you.
They are ignorant, poorly trained and/or dim.

They obviously have no idea, or have ever been taught anything about courtesy and manners

They obviously couldn't care less and are not going to change. But l suppose at least they are being honest.

Give them a wide birth.

Oh God, I do. My male colleagues can talk at length about the mundane ins and outs of their lives. I often think 'I've actually got somthing interesting to add here' but I don't bother, as I know it's not really a conversation. I find my female colleagues much better listeners and conversationalists!

She’s doing it on purpose.. you can tell by how you described the situation. Fair enough if it’s a hectic fast conversation, but this isn’t the case. There is a natural pause and you want to say something. Next time it happens, do not stop with what you are saying, even if she’s still talking, until you have finished what you wanted to say, and see what happens. No drama, just be firm and don’t let her talk you down.

At work/uni, there are rules/HR etc, and people could potentially be in serious trouble if their behaviour (yes, even talking over someone) was construed as bullying, and so people are more likely to watch themselves and others.
In a group, someone might just be more used to getting their way. You say it is one or two people?
So next time, call them on it. If they are decent people, they should stop it. One thing to check though-could they have genuine issues hearing you? Some people can hear certain tones better, so it's not just about sounding confident/speaking loudly.

I’ve noticed on social media reels that these “creators” are editing their videos so they are basically talking over the ends of their own sentences!!!

🤣🤣🤣 NONSENSE! Men are just as bad!!

I think it's very common now (well in my life anyway) for people to talk and talk and you politely listen with eye contact. Then as soon as you start talking, they start looking around, distracted by something much more important, suddenly realise they have to go or cut you off. I'm really used to it now and know it's not me. I don't enjoy talking to most people because of it haha

I notice discussion programmes all have people talking over each other now, and the host doesn’t do anything to stop it. It’s annoying and rude, and impossible to know what each person is saying.

I think these things happen to everyone but it’s the way you handle it that probably influences whether it continues happening or not. Some people probably shut it down and then others don’t do it again with them, whereas you probably tolerate it so they keep doing it with you

if I’m being honest no one in my personal life does it to me. But in a work context it definitely happens to me. I try to be more assertive and either keep talking/ignore their interruptions, explicitly say can they wait as I haven’t finished my point, let them talk & interrupt them later, passive aggressively ask if there’s technical issues as there seems to be a delay in the call and people are talking over each other etc. People don’t really interrupt me as much now so it seems to be working

Another thing you can do is improve your communication style and be more pithy, some people (not saying this is you necessarily) can take ages to make a point or tell a story, could this be why others are jumping in?

It might just be the nature of your voice. A friend of mine has the same experience as you. She is super clever and extremely liked, but basically her voice just doesn't travel at all, it registers as background noise. She laughs it off though.

"It's really rude to do this.
But you have identified one or two that do it.
With a small smile you can raise a 👆 and say "Jean if I could finish what I was saying ".
"

Fine if you're in a meeting. Normal conversations are more organic though. We don't have to wait for the chair to give us the floor, we can intervene when we find something interesting.

Yes, I also interrupt because I was brought up like this.

Watch any Spanish TV programme and they all talk over each other so it's a cultural thing in some families/societies.

Yes, it's not the most polite, but conversation is organic. It doesn't necessarily work like a formal meeting.

Happens to me too. I think it's because I'm not that interesting. I think it does happen to some people more than others, if you speak very slowly it's possible some people get bored or if you take a long time getting to the point.

This happens so much to me. But I am a quiet person when I am in a group. I went out recently with colleagues and asked a few questions and some of them completely ignored me! 🙁

I think some people have better manners than others .

If you usually wait for someone to finish what they are saying before adding to the conversation, it can be quite off putting when others don't wait for that space and talk across you,

Do you have a quiet speaking voice? You might feel internally confident but my theory is people with louder voices basically drown others out.

I have problems when speaking in groups because I struggle when to decide to speak or not. And if someone interrupts me and speaks for ages, I'll forget what I was going to say.

Next time she does it, immediately say her name. That draws attention. Then ask her, levelly, if she means to interrupt you, as you have noticed that she does it to you a lot, but not to others. She may not have realised, but it will draw the group's attention even if she did, and reduce the chances that she will continue.

This has happened to me on occasion but, often, if you just keep saying what you were saying and repeating it, the other person will stop overriding you and it will be clear to the group that she has been rudely interrupting. When others catch on, it's more difficult to keep being so rude.

Another option - wait for the conversation to move on to something else and then when there is a slight pause in conversation blurt out your favourite soup - when they ask what you are talking about point out it has taken this long for you to be heard

Could it possible be that everyone talks over people but you just notice it when it happens to you. If not, it could be because you speak quietly or are just not a pushy person.

If DH is there, could he not jump in and ask you to finish what you were saying - both alerting the person who spoke over you about their behaviour and allowing you to make your comment

Yes, and I've had to learn to say' excuse me, I'm just going to finish this sentence'. Really annoying.