What number?

It’s 2026, this shouldn’t even be a consideration.

Probably £150, although I do generally warn DH if I am going to be buying a load of family/friend birthday/x'mas presents in one month. We tend to get massive hits in August and obviously December so I just tell him. We only buy x'mas for the children in my family. Joint cc is what I put it on, we pay it off every month.

It doesn't really affect finances though on a day to day basis, it's only if/when a married couple divorce that financial claims can be made. If your finances are separate they can remain separate after marriage. There's no law that forces you to have joint accounts if married. I've had joint finances when not married.

Why do you keep mentioning the law around marriage? If two people are living together in a partnership, married or not, it is up to them how they manage their individual or joint finances day to day. Why should someone have to run it past their husband what they spend from their own bank accounts as long as they are paying their share of bills? They are adults with autonomy.

This post reads less about bills and more that you’re trying to push what you view as the superiority of marriage on to others and how people should be beholden to their husband’s wishes and demands. Weird.

I’d only discuss it if it posed a financial risk. Obviously that amount would vary for different couples. For us, it would be near 100k to seek consent.

What I meant was whether you discuss your finances. Otherwise yes.

We each have a personal account with our personal "pocket money", and a joint account with everything else.
I wouldn't check with DH about spending my personal money on something that only affected me, but for spending joint money, I'd probably check with him on non-routine purchases over roughly £50.
If it's something necessary that we've already discussed, eg buying kids school uniform for £100, I wouldn't check though, so I guess it's kind of a "soft" boundary.

Anything over £600 out the joint account that isn’t a bill (they go out automatically) must be discussed. That’s our rule. Right now since I paid the house deposit the joint account is basically all his earnings while I use mine to recoup my savings. He’s never said no to be buying anything though and I won’t lie I’ve got a few frivolous things.

I spent 29k on my car and I told him…but it wasnt to ask permission. Nor was it out of respect, it’s my money.

It really really isn't for day to day living. As others have said, it only makes a difference for all the tax and inheritance benefits that you keep linking to, and/or if you get divorced. Not for how you manage your routine spending.

You have zero evidence for your claim that married couples are more likely to discuss than cohabiting ones. You just think they do based on your own relationship.

He gets consulted when it's for something that'll affect him. Like a new washing machine, bed, etc. Anything small like cushions there's no discussion unless I want his opinion.

Married, have joint and separate finances and would discuss on anything over £1,000, but may still go ahead if there was not 100% agreement. Over £5,000 I think you would both have to be keen on the purchase.

But I know neither of us would do that because we don't have that sort of money and we aren't particularly materialist but if we could afford it and one of us wanted it I don't see the issue. Why is it respect.
I spend far more on myself and my hobbies than my husband spends on himself I have never felt the need to discuss it with him and he has never suggested that I should.
I think it's more respectful to trust each other

You would if you had 4 million I the bank.

But we can make up airy fairy hypothetical all day long as you've given no specifics on whst your wife has spent rhe money on (again, I know you say "friend" and "husband" but it reads far more like a domineering Big Man In Charge point of view if I'm honest.

I think it depends on whether the purchase is part of our standard budget and/or functionally necessary or not. So I wouldn't "check" with him before spending £250 in the supermarket, or for example when the kids had a simultaneous growth spurt and needed new clothes and new coats I think I spent like £400 at Boden in one go and didn't mention it.

But I'd probably have a quick chat about a non standard purchase just to make sure we were on the same page about it or if he's got a difference of opinion. He's the same with me. It's not a set amount per se though.

It depends how skint we are. Near the end of the month, we might say ‘hey, do you mind if I buy xxx thing I need?’ or ‘can you buy xxx thing for me?’ Not married, but know everything about each others pay/finances and all the legal stuff - house, pensions, savings, DDs (his step DD) inheritance - is covered in our wills. He had more savings than me (from an inheritance) so he just gave half to me to balance it out.

😂

Nobody! I earn my own money, I pay half the bills, we're both working to the same financial goals, both responsible adults.

What difference does it make if I spend £10 a week on lunch vs £500 a Dyson airwrap? Presumably the lovely husband in charge question only has a problem because he has a judgement that the money hasn't been, in his opinion, well spent.

I'm married, having lived with DH for eight years before we married.

Our finances are separate and we both contribute proportionately to bills and expenses.

We have our own money to spend as we please. Anything for the house comes out of one of the joint accounts and we do not ask each other for permission. Where we do consult is on large purchases like sofas. But even then we are not saying let's spend £1500 on a sofa and then one person buys it. The whole process is a consultation from cost to colour and fancy additions.

Nothing has changed in our spending habits since we got married.

We are legally protected and can inherit from each other etc but how we spend our money and the processes we use to set our annual and monthly budgets hasn't changed in 10 years.

Am the breadwinner, and I would check any amount really, apart from the obvious expenditure on food, petrol, other bills.