What number?

In answer to your question I think it would be about £200ish and over

Out of the joint account or generally? I’d ask before spending anything out the joint account that isn’t what we designate it for - bills, food, kids clubs. Because we only really put in enough to cover those things. My own money I would never check unless it would put me in debt. We have joint savings and we would jointly decide what to use them for.

Been with my dp for 15yrs, we have sepearate accounts, seperate savings, joint/savings acc. It would be no different to being married tbh. If ever I need anything extra from joint I run it by dp, i don't ask permission per se

Ignoring the complete tangent the thread went off into, and returning to the original question, the 'number' or figure' would totally depend on what stage of life your were at or where you were financially.

Now we no longer have dc at home, and our mortgage is paid off, and we have both reached much better paid positions, the amount either one of us could spend on something without bringing it into a conversation first is completely different from when we were in the first 20 years of our marriage, when we were literally balancing our bank account to the penny every month. At that stage, we would take cash out and know that when it was gone, it was gone, so really more than a couple of ££.
Now, I could comfortably spend a couple of hundred pounds on something without him even realising, and same for him, without me realising. We wouldn't need to 'consult' about amounts under a couple of thousand, but would just check with each other that the other hadn't got a similar amount just about to come out of the account if either of us suddenly needed to spend that sort of amount.

I'm married and yes, some people do spend wild amounts without telling their spouse.

Soon to be x-DH bought a flat in European country without telling me - all £200k of it, and did that twice!

We have separate accounts... I didn't divorce him after finding out about them both though because well... oh that's a story for another time.

Being married and big spends like this- whether consulted or not - makes no difference during the course of the marriage - it's only at the end, during a divorce that there's a difference legally.

The article you keep referring to has no merit to the question asked. It names benefits to being married but they themselves don't encourage or discourage talking about large spends between spouses.

The only thing at stake in your question really, is trust, whether you are married or not. Marriage certainly is a legal contract and it's one that has to be formally unwound.

Looking back, DH was not trustworthy but I was vulnerable with young kids and tolerated financial abuse. In the end it's a discussion of values and fairness, not legality. Some people are very transactional and primed to be selfish and others are far more empathetic and driven by fairness. Better when you both are from similar value systems.

There is no my money or his money, it's our money.
It's kind of the same with us. The isa's and stocks and shares are in individual names obviously.
However we both have made some huge purchases and dont always consult the other in detail.
As long as there is money in the bank, we have what we need and bills are getting paid, all is good.

I mean each to their own, but I wouldn't go out and spend 40grand on a Rolex without talking to my husband.
I don't view that as him being in charge, just a sign of respect.
Serious question, why not? Why would you have to talk about buying something expensive if it was coming out of your own money. Why is it not respecful if you dont mention it.

I think the only time I mention big financial purchases are if its for the house and he has to live with it as well or if Im undecided between a couple of things, so id say ' this or that, what do you think?'

Anything over 1K would be discussed.

I'd need to discuss it if it was above about 50 quid. As it would eat into the general household budget.

But not so much a discussion as I wouldn't bother trying to buy anything I knew me/my family couldn't afford. It would only come up really if I knew it would be viable.

So it would be 'oh, seeing as we've got X to spare, I'm spending my half on Y'.

What's the law got to do with it if a couple living together decide to buy a sofa together, It's the same if it was a married couple. 🤔
Some peeps would still chainsaw in it half if they split up or divorced to get their share.

Well there's the difference.

My husband isn't the sole earner, we make the same money and until 6 months ago we shared a car.

I independently bought it without consulting him beyond "I've seen this car I want to buy for 2k because I want to make more journeys when you have the car for work. if it checks out I'll be bringing it home".

The bills are paid, I can afford my share of the joint bills, we are working towards the same goals (holidays and retirement age) so why not? We're both financially responsible and ge trusts my judgement, same as I trust his.

Same. I’ve never checked a purchase with mine in 26 years of marriage and I don’t intend to start now.

We have our own bank accounts. I never run anything by my husband if spending my own money.

Depends what it is. Something just for myself, I wouldn't necessarily discuss it. A holiday or something significant for the house we'd discuss.
We're married and have a savings account that neither of us would touch without letting the other one know. Both have our salary going into our own accounts so no discussions needed on personal spends.

You're cherry picking very expensive items here - an £80k car, a £100k diamond ring. Not many people can EVER afford to buy those things!

What about everyday items - say, a new pair of shoes you wanted. Would you run that by your DH?

We have separate finances and joint finances so I don’t generally check in with him. If I was buying something over about £300 for the house from the joint account then I’d probably discuss. If it’s coming from my account and I can afford it, then I wouldn’t consult.

And that's the difference OP - many married couples share living expenses, but keep the rest of their money separate.

Unmarried couples may do the same.

Others, like you and your DH, choose to pool all of their money. None of it is his or yours, it's all 'ours'.

It's got nothing to do with being married or not, it's just how couples agree to organise their finances.

Not in our case - we both earn a decent amount, pay 50% each of the bills, and do what we like with the rest. Married 15 years, no DCs. We discuss joint purchases, holidays and stuff for the house, but for clothes, hobby stuff, cars etc we both please ourselves, other than one might ask the other do we like whatever it is, is it a good idea to buy it, would you buy it if you were me etc.

I know the law mostly treats all assets as joint on divorce, but there isn't any law saying how it has to work while you're married!

We have separate finances and a very similar attitude to saving and spending so mostly no discussion is needed. If I'm buying something from my own savings and it doesn't impact any household expenses then I'd just buy it.

We discuss things if it affects the other person. For example, I generally take the lead planning holidays but I wouldn't book anything unless we were both happy with the cost. I wouldn't go out and buy anything that would impact our joint life - like a dog for example - without discussing it.

The criteria for discussion for us isn't really based on a value, it is based on the nature of the purchase. If it is a joint thing, say a car, something for the home or a holiday, we discuss. If it is a holiday I am taking with my friends, no, I don't check it with DH first. I know if we/I can afford it or not and only spend what is affordable.

Of course we'd talk about what type of car etc but that's all we wouldn't ask for permission. But I don't see a car as a personal purchase we'd treat it like buying a new carpet or decorating the house etc. personal purchases like jewellery, spend on our hobbies, shoes , clothes , mobile phone , laptop etc are not discussed

I’m married, everything is jointly owned and in one account. I’d ’check’ as in mention, he would just ask ‘can we afford it?’ (he knows full well we can, easily) for anything over about £100-150. No reason really, we’ve been married 20+ years though and used to have (a lot) less money so possibly habits have stuck…