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AIBU?

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Original poster

What number?

310 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 11:29

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:52

Lovingapeacefulgarden · 30/04/2026 16:51

Probably about £300 but its more to let him know I am taking a large amount of money out of the account incase he needs to buy anything

Makes sense

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:51

Allisnotlost1 · 30/04/2026 16:50

Entirely your choice of course, but here you are questioning whether people who contribute to the household income are being ‘respectful’ if they spend it without asking.

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I mean look each to their own, but this isn't about who earns the money.

I wouldn't expect my husband to drop 100k on a car without at least having a chat about it first.

OP posts:
Lovingapeacefulgarden · 30/04/2026 16:51

Probably about £300 but its more to let him know I am taking a large amount of money out of the account incase he needs to buy anything

Allisnotlost1 · 30/04/2026 16:50

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:48

I can't imagine not being at home for my 3 children, we are all different.

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Entirely your choice of course, but here you are questioning whether people who contribute to the household income are being ‘respectful’ if they spend it without asking.

LaburnumAnagyroides · 30/04/2026 16:49

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:40

As I say it's in the thread.

And to answer your question there is quite obviously no law that states married couples have to run purchases past each other. I don't think anybody including myself is suggesting that.

My point was that married couples may (please note the word may) be more likely to do so, as marriage links you financially.

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You keep making that claim but have provided zero evidence for its veracity.
Your link relating to IHT and other taxes is not relevant to whether married vs unmarried couples discuss spending.
Just because you do, does not make it more widely true.
Why can't you own that you made something up because your friend has a financially controlling husband? You clearly think she was wrong not to have discussed with him.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:48

Allisnotlost1 · 30/04/2026 16:46

Now it makes more sense that you’re so fixated on the financial benefits of marriage. Crikey, I can’t imagine living off someone else’s earnings.

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I can't imagine not being at home for my 3 children, we are all different.

OP posts:
ChicGreyZebra · 30/04/2026 16:47

I’ve never checked - it’s my money!

Allisnotlost1 · 30/04/2026 16:46

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 15:03

Not at all, my husband is the sole earner, and doesn't expect me to ask at all.

But by the same token if either have us want a new car, we are going to talk about it.

We aren't just going to come home in a new Range Rover. For me that would be weird.

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Now it makes more sense that you’re so fixated on the financial benefits of marriage. Crikey, I can’t imagine living off someone else’s earnings.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:45

stargirl27 · 30/04/2026 16:44

You were asked: What aspect of matrimonial law relates to this issue that you've started a thread about?

You responded: it's in the thread

It was not in the thread as it doesn't exist.

HTH.

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😂

OP posts:
FettchYeSandbagges · 30/04/2026 16:45

Depends what it is, and it mostly crops up in conversation rather than being discussed and agreed, but generally somewhere in the mid to high hundreds. We have separate bank accounts anyway, been married nearly 30 years, and have never had a single disagreement about money being spent by either of us.

stargirl27 · 30/04/2026 16:44

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:40

As I say it's in the thread.

And to answer your question there is quite obviously no law that states married couples have to run purchases past each other. I don't think anybody including myself is suggesting that.

My point was that married couples may (please note the word may) be more likely to do so, as marriage links you financially.

Show quote history

You were asked: What aspect of matrimonial law relates to this issue that you've started a thread about?

You responded: it's in the thread

It was not in the thread as it doesn't exist.

HTH.

Allisnotlost1 · 30/04/2026 16:42

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:50

There are 9 here.

https://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2025/01/martin-lewis--the-nine-big-financial-benefits-of-being-married/

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Are you the author of the article desperate to get your numbers up?

Nothing in that list is relevant to the thread you’ve started.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:40

stargirl27 · 30/04/2026 16:34

You actually haven't explained what part of the law relates to the thread you have started, which is about what amount you would check with your husband before spending. The reason is there is no law relating to this. Credentials are that I'm a divorce solicitor.

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As I say it's in the thread.

And to answer your question there is quite obviously no law that states married couples have to run purchases past each other. I don't think anybody including myself is suggesting that.

My point was that married couples may (please note the word may) be more likely to do so, as marriage links you financially.

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IDontHateRainbows · 30/04/2026 16:37

I bought some £200 boots recently didn't check as it's my money but didn't keep it secret either. Just as well as the delivery man came with a massive box with All Saints written on it when I was out and DH took delivery !

Prisonbreak · 30/04/2026 16:37

separate finances here. We pay our equal share or the bills and the rest of our money is ours. Never discuss big purchases. My man is a car freak and regularly buys another car. I have no idea what savings he has and he has no idea of mine. 15 years, never had an issue

stargirl27 · 30/04/2026 16:34

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:25

It's in the thread.

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You actually haven't explained what part of the law relates to the thread you have started, which is about what amount you would check with your husband before spending. The reason is there is no law relating to this. Credentials are that I'm a divorce solicitor.

Dragracer · 30/04/2026 16:33

MsSquiz · 30/04/2026 12:33

We don’t have a set amount, but more what it’s going to be spent on…
updating the kids wardrobes when they move up a size - no discussion
a trip away - discussion
gifts for the kids birthday and Christmas - discussion
food shop - no discussion

our joint account is for household and family purchases. Most things aren’t discussed but may be mentioned in conversation
“X needs a new bike, any ideas what to get?” Rather than talking about the cost, if that makes sense?

Yeah this. I'd never ask permission to spend money. But things that really I don't want to be solely in charge of, like holiday planning, gift buying, animal buying, we talk about. If I wasn't sure a purchase was worth it I'd ask his opinion. Not because he's some form of authority or would have an issue but because he's a second brain to help do the thinking.

Our money is completely joint. One pot. It's all household money here, doesn't matter who earned it.

StephQ1 · 30/04/2026 16:33

I’d probably mention anything over £5k but not for approvals purposes, more because it is likely to be something reasonably interesting or significant.

We’ve both committed to far higher investment decisions without telling each other but I wouldn’t consider that as spending.

stargirl27 · 30/04/2026 16:33

I wouldn't check before purchasing anything, my DH doesn't care what I spend. We both work full time, he earns quite a bit more than me but our finances are shared.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:28

bigboykitty · 30/04/2026 16:27

No luv. It's not. I'm out.

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It really is. Multiple times actually.

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Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:28

Rachelshair · 30/04/2026 16:27

Maybe it would be different if you were earning too? Would you still feel it was "disrespectful" to not consult, if you'd earned it yourself? Perhaps that's the difference, rather than marriage itself.
If I wasn't contributing money I probably would think I should consult the person who was, before I bought something outside of the normal day to day stuff. Even if it was all accessible in joint funds etc.

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Not at all, he wouldn't spend 50k without speaking to me.

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 30/04/2026 16:27

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:25

It's in the thread.

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No luv. It's not. I'm out.

Rachelshair · 30/04/2026 16:27

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:13

There is no my money or his money, it's our money.

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Maybe it would be different if you were earning too? Would you still feel it was "disrespectful" to not consult, if you'd earned it yourself? Perhaps that's the difference, rather than marriage itself.
If I wasn't contributing money I probably would think I should consult the person who was, before I bought something outside of the normal day to day stuff. Even if it was all accessible in joint funds etc.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 16:25

bigboykitty · 30/04/2026 16:25

What aspect of matrimonial law relates to this issue that you've started a thread about?

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It's in the thread.

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 30/04/2026 16:25

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:41

Finances are different when married.

This isn't opinion, it's factual law.

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What aspect of matrimonial law relates to this issue that you've started a thread about?