What number?

I’m married and have my own account and money and would never even consider asking DH before I could spend it 🫣

I honestly do think some - not just you - are overestimating how well protected you are

I take your point and tend to agree. In my own case I had no option, having a severely disabled child and no discernable support network. I couldn't have held down a job with the constant hospital appointments not to mention there being nobody else equal to meeting their care needs.

We've been married over 40 years now so I might be past the worst of the risk.

I've never spent more than £50 on a handbag anyway. I was just trying to think of something I consider a bit spendy. But that's beside the point.

So you don’t actually have your own money? In that case you should absolutely be checking before you spend but your husband should be able to buy what he wants without consulting you. If you each earn your own money that’s yours to spend on what you want.

Christ you're illogical and irritating.

Couples can be linked legally and financially without being married: joint mortgage, joint bank account, joint savings account...

And you have strongly implied that married couples, because they are legally financially tied together, would be more likely than unmarried couples to run proposed purchases past each other.
Which is just your opinion, not based on empirical evidence or enshrined in law.

I don't think cohabiting couples are 'getting at you' because you're married, as one PP suggested upthread.
I think many of them PP just disagree with your premise.

Everything is different because people are different. Not right or wrong, but different. Not every nuclear family with one earner operates as yours does, and that’s ok.

I’m a divorce solicitor and this is 100% correct.

You should have started a thread that said ‘if you are a non-earning wife with children…’ since you think so many other experiences are ‘different’. The main difference really is that where people earn their own money, they don’t have to ask to spend it on anything they choose. Where people are dependent on someone else’s money, they can spend up to a reasonable amount, but then seem to have situations where they consult before spending. That seems sensible, whether they’re married or not, have kids or not.

At different points in our 38 years together it’s varied. In our cash strapped years we discussed practically every purchase, these days we are lucky and don’t really need to think about it. I tend to kind of mention it if I want to spend more than £200 but he is the main earner (as in multiples of my wage) but he never says no like he used to have to. Everything is joint so it feels right.

I honestly do think some - not just you - are overestimating how well protected you are. Spend the money while you can, absolutely. But remember if he wants to get out of the marriage he’s the one with the financial power to do so, and to make sure he’s well protected. And you’ll only find out how generous or otherwise he really is if things go wrong. Hopefully they won’t, and you’ve all married men with hearts of gold and insoluble intentions. But I’ve seen plenty of high earning men with SAHW turn into different people when the kids reached adolescence, or when they met a dynamic young colleague. Their wives did ok but they weren’t splashing out on rose gold watches or even £500 handbags after the divorce trust me!

Married but earn more and have no shared kids. I do what I want with my money. If so spend on a holiday or tickets to a gig I‘ll pay for my husband. I just don’t feel the need to seek his „blessing“ and he’s cool with it all. If I am in a sticky financial situation I equally don’t bother him and I don’t curtail his spending. We’re both sensible adults.

The MSE link you posted with the 9 financial benefits of marriage:

1. Only applies if one party is a very low/non earner, so won't apply for many couples. I doubt it would be a sufficient incentive to marry in any case.

1. Savings and investments allowance - over 40% (no idea how much, but that's the proportion with no savings at all) of households won't have enough for this to be relevant. Probably closer to 80% of people won't pay tax on savings anyway. HNW people probably have enough disposable that it's irrelevant as a consideration.
2. Capital gains allowance - relevant in some years to some people, but for most, I reckon irrelevant or so infrequent that it wouldn't affect day to day sharing of finances.
3. Protection if relationship ends - important in life, but irrelevant for day to day sharing of finances, since that's pretty much the literal opposite case.
4. State pension increase after one spouse dies - irrelevant for day to day living
5. ISA allowance transfer on death - irrelevant for day to day living
6. Estate doesn't automatically pass to partner without a will - important in life but irrelevant for day to day living.

So again, @coulditbeme2323 - what was your actual connection of these nine cited legal implications of being married for how you share day to day finances? Given that most of them are only relevant on divorce (1/9) or death (5/9), and the other 3 are of marginal or no utility to most people.

I'm with the people who say: we don't share finances, and I wouldn't ask for any amount, it's my money. In as much as it's something that affects our life together, such as holiday, car, redecoration etc, I would ask, but for the social aspects, not the financial ones.

As long as we have both paid our share of the bills I’ll buy what I want without checking. I ordered a new car and told him in passing. My money I’ll do what I like with it

Usually anything over £250. Apart from the new freezer which his first clue was....gimme a hand out the car would you 🤣
But it's more a discussion or I'm saving for such and such. If it's important to me he will then do things like top my car up with fuel so I can put some of my own money aside extra to save and vice versa

Would you want him to check with you before purchasing something for £500?

I wouldn't necessarily want him to, but he would anyway. He values my opinion.

You said partners were different to spouses when it comes to spending money, there is no legal basis for this.

This is just my ramblings !! Thanks for the thoughts op

I agree with your ramblings.

Pardon? My DP is exactly the same as a DH. We’ve been together nearly 25 years theres no difference. We own a house together, mortgage bills all together.

Would you want him to check with you before purchasing something for £500?

There is no my money or his money, it's our money

Precisely. Lots of women are sahm's or part time so the bulk of the money is brought in by the men. (Or women if vice versa) It's still our money. I've always been a sahm (through necessity) and so have earned no money.
Under these circumstances if I wanted to chuck £500 on a new handbag I'd certainly check with him first. But not if we needed a new kettle, for example.

No set figure but naturally bigger purchases would involve discussion anyway. I don't want DH buying furniture or booking holidays without any discussion . We're both sensible so wouldn't be splashing loads of cash on frivolous things anyway