Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What number?

310 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 11:29

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 12:38

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:36

They have no legal commitment to each other.

The law actually reflects it is different.

Show quote history

so people only have a responsibility to each other if they are married? And anyway, what does the law have to do with whether a couple discuss purchases?

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:38

Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:38

I don't agree. Been with my DP 15years. 4 kids, mortgage etc not sure how him being my husband vs partner would change up how we spend our money.

Show quote history

I mean it's legally very different.

OP posts:
Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:38

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:30

I think partner is probably different from husband or wife.

Show quote history

I don't agree. Been with my DP 15years. 4 kids, mortgage etc not sure how him being my husband vs partner would change up how we spend our money.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:36

Dimms · 30/04/2026 12:35

Why is it different? Assuming they live together, share bills etc. it’s exactly the same.

Show quote history

They have no legal commitment to each other.

The law actually reflects it is different.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 12:35

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:30

I think partner is probably different from husband or wife.

Show quote history

Why is it different? Assuming they live together, share bills etc. it’s exactly the same.

MsSquiz · 30/04/2026 12:33

We don’t have a set amount, but more what it’s going to be spent on…
updating the kids wardrobes when they move up a size - no discussion
a trip away - discussion
gifts for the kids birthday and Christmas - discussion
food shop - no discussion

our joint account is for household and family purchases. Most things aren’t discussed but may be mentioned in conversation
“X needs a new bike, any ideas what to get?” Rather than talking about the cost, if that makes sense?

WhatAMarvelousTune · 30/04/2026 12:33

It would depend. We both have a few hundred pounds a month of “personal” money that we can use for whatever. And we have joint spending money which is used on household stuff, groceries, stuff for DC, presents etc. We don’t check that with each other either.

Savings are joint, so we’d discuss anything coming out of there unless it was something obviously needed eg I sort the car and home insurance yearly and tend to take that out of savings and wouldn’t check it with DH.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:30

BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 12:29

We have separate bank accounts. I've never checked with my DP before spending anything. Provided I'm paying my share of the bills and mortgage, which I am, I wouldn't consult him.

I think partner is probably different from husband or wife.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 12:29

We have separate bank accounts. I've never checked with my DP before spending anything. Provided I'm paying my share of the bills and mortgage, which I am, I wouldn't consult him.

Mum2Fergus · 30/04/2026 11:30

We chat about anything over £100 from joint account.