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AIBU?

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Original poster

What number?

310 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 11:29

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:03

Anything from my personal account or personal savings no I dont have to ask him or tell him.

anything from the joint account or the joint savings would be a mutual decision anyway.

I bought myself a new car at the start of the year I didn’t ask him no. I just told him I was going to do it. And he’s response was “Lovely, Do you need me to help you look?”

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:59

yeesh · 30/04/2026 12:57

My DH and I have separate finances, we both spend what we want on what we want.

Do you have any idea of each others savings etc?

OP posts:
yeesh · 30/04/2026 12:57

My DH and I have separate finances, we both spend what we want on what we want.

MyBraveFace · 30/04/2026 12:53

Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:44

If I marry my partner tomorrow my finances or how we split thing will not change. Please direct me to the law that stipulates how married couples share their finances.

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I think people are talking about two different things here.

If you keep your bank accounts separate after marriage, nothing will change in your day to day spending - your spouse has no more rights of access to them than before you were married.

If you were to divorce, that's where things would change - your spouse can require you to declare your finances in full, and may have a claim on your assets - obviously there are many factors that determine what sort of claim they might have, your full domestic and working circumstances would be considered, but that's the difference.

Whereas if you simply live together and split, it's much more difficult to make a claim on your ex's assets that are not in joint names, other than maintenance for any children you have together.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 30/04/2026 12:51

No specific amount. More to do it what it is. I’d buy a new hoover for 400 without talking about it (bar mentioning that we needed a new hoover perhaps), but wouldn’t buy an old banger of a car for the same price without chatting first.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:46

Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:44

If I marry my partner tomorrow my finances or how we split thing will not change. Please direct me to the law that stipulates how married couples share their finances.

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Of course they would change, you would have more of a claim over each others finances for a start if things were to go wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:45

Beachtastic · 30/04/2026 12:43

Ooooohhh how? I don't know about this!

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Hope this helps, if you genuinely didn't know being married meant something financially.

blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2025/01/martin-lewis--the-nine-big-financial-benefits-of-being-married/

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 30/04/2026 12:45

I don't know, I never really thought about it. There's never really been anything that was hugely expensive that I wanted to buy that wasn't something involving both of us or the family really that would naturally be talked about anyway. I mean I've paid for weekends away with my mom/friends without checking with him, I usually would just tell him how much I paid in conversation and vice versa

Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:44

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:41

Finances are different when married.

This isn't opinion, it's factual law.

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If I marry my partner tomorrow my finances or how we split thing will not change. Please direct me to the law that stipulates how married couples share their finances.

FuriousInventions · 30/04/2026 12:43

All finances shared here. We don’t generally consult each other for personal purchases - we’re both in tune with the finances and we both know how much we have available to spend at any given point in time. For expensive things that affect us as a family (car, holiday, house improvements, kids’ hobbies) we jointly agree on a budget and do the research together.

Beachtastic · 30/04/2026 12:43

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:41

Finances are different when married.

This isn't opinion, it's factual law.

Show quote history

Ooooohhh how? I don't know about this!

Serenity75 · 30/04/2026 12:42

We each have our own money and pay different things. We are fortunate enough to earn more than we spend and can save as well. I think the last time that we discussed whether we should spend on something, it was for a holiday. We’ve been together since 2000 and it’s worked pretty well since then.

Randomchat · 30/04/2026 12:42

MsSquiz · 30/04/2026 12:33

We don’t have a set amount, but more what it’s going to be spent on…
updating the kids wardrobes when they move up a size - no discussion
a trip away - discussion
gifts for the kids birthday and Christmas - discussion
food shop - no discussion

our joint account is for household and family purchases. Most things aren’t discussed but may be mentioned in conversation
“X needs a new bike, any ideas what to get?” Rather than talking about the cost, if that makes sense?

I think we're more like this. If it's a thing we both have an opinion on we discuss it. If I wanted to buy an expensive rug for example dh wouldn't care so I'd just buy it without discussion. I want to replace the wardrobes in our bedroom. That affects us both so we'd discuss it. Rather than having a £ limit of what we discuss.

But we have enough money for our everyday living and neither of us are particularly extravagant. If one of us was always spending my answer might be different.

MyBraveFace · 30/04/2026 12:41

We have separate finances so I wouldn't feel the need to 'check' as such but I value my husband's opinion on any non-routine purchases so I run most things past him in a 'do you think that's worth £xx ' sort of way. I ultimately decide for myself, though.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:41

quarterlyreporting · 30/04/2026 12:41

No. I am an adult.

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Fair enough

OP posts:
Enko · 30/04/2026 12:41

We discuss anything taken from the joint account thats not regular bills.

We then each have our own account we can spend as we wish though we usually have conversations about intended larger purchases above £1-200

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:41

Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:40

Your post has not mentioned the law at all so how do you see that as relevant to your original question?

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Finances are different when married.

This isn't opinion, it's factual law.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 12:41

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:40

Because there are financial implications/protections to being married.

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Yes. But that has nothing to do with discussing what you are going to buy.

quarterlyreporting · 30/04/2026 12:41

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:40

Not even your husband?

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No. I am an adult.

WorkCleanRepeat · 30/04/2026 12:41

About 3K.

Other than that I'd only check with him if the spend involved him needing to take time off work or be around for something.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:40

quarterlyreporting · 30/04/2026 12:40

Me and DH have separate finances. I don't want to be checking with someone before I spend money. I earn my own money and spend it when I want and on what I want.

Not even your husband?

OP posts:
Hadenough32 · 30/04/2026 12:40

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:38

I mean it's legally very different.

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Your post has not mentioned the law at all so how do you see that as relevant to your original question?

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:40

Dimms · 30/04/2026 12:38

so people only have a responsibility to each other if they are married? And anyway, what does the law have to do with whether a couple discuss purchases?

Show quote history

Because there are financial implications/protections to being married.

OP posts:
quarterlyreporting · 30/04/2026 12:40

Me and DH have separate finances. I don't want to be checking with someone before I spend money. I earn my own money and spend it when I want and on what I want.

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 30/04/2026 12:39

We share all finances and generally sense check anything over £100.