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AIBU?

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Original poster

What number?

310 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 11:29

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

OP posts:
Canonlythinkofthisone · 30/04/2026 13:46

Purely based on OPs replies, I am going to take a stab, and assume your HUSBAND has bought something without your approval OP. Which has taken a chunk of your "joint" (cause you're married) money and you think he should have discussed it with you?

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:44

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:44

Yes, but that has nothing to do with how you spend/sort the money. That only really comes into play if people separate or divorce.

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There are other financial protections/benefits to be being married - but yes I take your point.

OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:44

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:35

I take your point, but there still isn't the legal financial protection of marriage.

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Yes, but that has nothing to do with how you spend/sort the money. That only really comes into play if people separate or divorce.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 30/04/2026 13:41

Beachtastic · 30/04/2026 13:13

Ah! Yes yes... sorry, I thought you meant there was something in law about how much you could spend without asking each other first!!! 🫣🤡 I did think it was a bit odd...

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🤣🤣🤣

nutsfornuts · 30/04/2026 13:41

We are not married but we have very joint finances and who pays for what is more a function of who happened to set up the DD rather than anything more strategic. These days we don't have a lot of spare cash because we are renovating and he is not working (we have small kids) so I'd probably discuss anything over £1k before buying it. Back when we were both earning and there was a lot of money spare I might mention a purchase but probably wouldn't feel the need to actively discuss anything less than 10k.

Barney16 · 30/04/2026 13:38

We don't have a joint account so I wouldn't ever check. I earn my money and spend it how and when I want. I may tell him I have bought something, I showed him a picture
Of the car I was going to buy 🙂

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:35

notatinydancer · 30/04/2026 13:35

Not if you’ve got joint bills eg mortgage and or children.

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I take your point, but there still isn't the legal financial protection of marriage.

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 30/04/2026 13:35

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:30

I think partner is probably different from husband or wife.

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Not if you’ve got joint bills eg mortgage and or children.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:34

Tillow4ever · 30/04/2026 13:33

But you said LESS likely in that quote history if married. That’s the confusion.

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Apologies, typo.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 30/04/2026 13:33

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:25

Apologies let me answer.

If I have understood your question correctly, you are asking me why a husband and wife would be more likely to consult than just partners?

My answer is because the law specifically ties a married couple together financially in ways it doesn't for non married couples.

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But you said LESS likely in that quote history if married. That’s the confusion.

Hecatee · 30/04/2026 13:31

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:18

I feel like we are going around in circles.

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This whole post is weird, and based on your other comments on a different post I think you just look down at unmarried couples.

If I want to purchase a piece of furniture, I'm not going to chose to do so without discussion just because we are married. Being married wouldn't be a consideration for almost any purchase with a couple, married or not, unless you're talking about a significant purchase, like a house. There's all sorts of reasons a couple would discuss a purchase, but simply because they happen to be married is totally irrelevant.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:25

Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:23

You haven’t answered that. But I won’t comment any further. You’re wasting both of our time.

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Apologies let me answer.

If I have understood your question correctly, you are asking me why a husband and wife would be more likely to consult than just partners?

My answer is because the law specifically ties a married couple together financially in ways it doesn't for non married couples.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:23

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:21

It's not that, I feel I have already answered it.

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You haven’t answered that. But I won’t comment any further. You’re wasting both of our time.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 30/04/2026 13:23

Married and only consult if it will affect ongoing expenses. We have personal accounts plus a joint for household expenses. I would happily spend 5k on jewellery (so would he) without saying anything first but would discuss getting new animals at 50$ as it would affect the household budget.

Bjorkdidit · 30/04/2026 13:22

A fixed number doesn't make any sense as a one off purchase above £100 or whatever could have far less impact on the household budget than spending a few quid a week more than is affordable on groceries or buying coffee and lunch every day when you don't have the spare money to afford this.

TheDehumidifierNeedsEmptying · 30/04/2026 13:22

Anything over £1500 we’d likely have a discussion about

Gardenquestion22 · 30/04/2026 13:22

Have a friend whose Dad was financially and otherwise abusive to her mum - would give her housekeeping and expected it to be accounted down to the penny - and on nothing frivous - like getting her hair cut, or a new pair of shoes till they were worn down and had been inspected.

She's now very generous - but her and husband do the reciepts thing - they have a book with every spend written down - that would do my head in.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:21

Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:21

It’s okay, I realised a while back that you don’t have a logical argument that is relevant to the question asked by the OP.

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It's not that, I feel I have already answered it.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:21

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:18

I feel like we are going around in circles.

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It’s okay, I realised a while back that you don’t have a logical argument that is relevant to the question asked by the OP.

Gardenquestion22 · 30/04/2026 13:20

Married, joint account for bills - otherwise separate finances. Personal spending on myself - I might mention it in passing 'Christ that holiday with the girls is starting to add up!' or 'that meal was effing expensive'. But I wouldn't check.

Out of the joint account - probably mention/check e.g. had to shell out £500 for some painting work we'd both agreed on and was letting him know it was more than we'd been expecting.

Pretty open with each other's finances and have some shared goals on retirement etc.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:18

Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:17

Why are people less likely to consult?

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I feel like we are going around in circles.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:17

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:16

I didn't say it specifically dictated that, obviously it doesn't.

My point was people less likely to consult if married as they don't have the same legal connection to their finances.

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Why are people less likely to consult?

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:16

Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:14

The law doesn’t dictate how much a person spends, nor does it dictate that a person consults the other before making a purchase. if you are saying that I am incorrect, which law are you referring to?

The law gives legal protection in the event of divorce. I.e. all assets are to be divided by the divorcing couple.

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I didn't say it specifically dictated that, obviously it doesn't.

My point was people less likely to consult if married as they don't have the same legal connection to their finances.

OP posts:
Dimms · 30/04/2026 13:14

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:41

Finances are different when married.

This isn't opinion, it's factual law.

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The law doesn’t dictate how much a person spends, nor does it dictate that a person consults the other before making a purchase. if you are saying that I am incorrect, which law are you referring to?

The law gives legal protection in the event of divorce. I.e. all assets are to be divided by the divorcing couple.

Beachtastic · 30/04/2026 13:13

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:45

Hope this helps, if you genuinely didn't know being married meant something financially.

blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2025/01/martin-lewis--the-nine-big-financial-benefits-of-being-married/

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Ah! Yes yes... sorry, I thought you meant there was something in law about how much you could spend without asking each other first!!! 🫣🤡 I did think it was a bit odd...