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AIBU?

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Original poster

What number?

310 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 11:29

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:58

BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 13:58

None of which would require the couple to have joint bank accounts or consult each other about spending.

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And that isn't what I am suggesting!

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 13:58

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:40

Because there are financial implications/protections to being married.

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None of which would require the couple to have joint bank accounts or consult each other about spending.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:56

BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 13:56

What legal implications of marriage dictate the manner in which each partner spends their own salary, then? Explain to me what you think would change in my relationship if, after 23 years of cohabiting, we decided to get married? We already jointly own property in both our names and we are the sole beneficiaries of each other's wills and are listed as each other's next of kin for medical purposes.

Please tell me why you think, if we got married, we'd need to change the way we spend our money?

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Please read the thread!

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:56

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:55

Like…

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I am not posting the link 3 times!

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 13:56

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:49

I don't think it's so much that it "should" it's just that when you are married, there become all sort of legal implications.

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What legal implications of marriage dictate the manner in which each partner spends their own salary, then? Explain to me what you think would change in my relationship if, after 23 years of cohabiting, we decided to get married? We already jointly own property in both our names and we are the sole beneficiaries of each other's wills and are listed as each other's next of kin for medical purposes.

Please tell me why you think, if we got married, we'd need to change the way we spend our money?

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:55

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:49

I don't think it's so much that it "should" it's just that when you are married, there become all sort of legal implications.

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Like…

alloutofcareunits · 30/04/2026 13:55

quarterlyreporting · 30/04/2026 12:40

Me and DH have separate finances. I don't want to be checking with someone before I spend money. I earn my own money and spend it when I want and on what I want.

Same as this for me, we have joint savings but have always earned similar amounts so no need to discuss how I spend what’s leftover once bills have been paid. We probably do discuss big purchases more from an interest perspective e.g., DH might mention something he’s been looking at but wouldn’t need ‘permission’ to buy it, neither would I.

HawkersWest · 30/04/2026 13:55

None. As with a few posters, my DH and I have separate bank accounts so as long as our joint bills are taken care of (mortgage etc, we pay half each) we can spend our money how we like. We both earn equally the same and earn a decent amount so works for us.

KStockHERO · 30/04/2026 13:54

Me and DH share finances completely.

We don't really have an agreed upon amount that we check with each other.

I guess it'd be anything over a couple of hundred pounds. But that'd be mainly to make sure we don't both do big purchases at the same time and end up overdrawn😂

I'm weird about spending money on myself so I always ask DH if I'm 'allowed' to buy something luxurious for myself and what my budget is. I absolutely don't need to ask him and he used to get pretty pissed off about me asking. But I feel better - like I can let myself do it - if I have his permission. So he plays along. There isn't really an amount for this, its more that it'd be unnecessary or luxury things even if that only comes to £30.

NewGirlInTown · 30/04/2026 13:53

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:49

Jesus wept… you keep saying the same thing what are these other benefits? name them!

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Previous poster has kindly offered you a link to the financial benefits of marriage.
How about you educate yourself and read it instead of demanding another poster does that for you?

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:53

BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 13:51

LOL.

We've been together for 23 years and we own a home together. We're legally and financially linked in all sorts of ways. It's not different at all.

We would still have separate bank accounts if we got married. If we got married tomorrow, we wouldn't suddenly start asking each other if we could buy things because we'd exchanged rings in a register office. There's nothing we'd do differently if we were married.

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I think people are getting defensive, because they think I am suggesting that non married couples are inferior.

To be clear I am not, but that doesn't take away from the fact that financially things legally are quite different.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 30/04/2026 13:51

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 12:30

I think partner is probably different from husband or wife.

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LOL.

We've been together for 23 years and we own a home together. We're legally and financially linked in all sorts of ways. It's not different at all.

We would still have separate bank accounts if we got married. If we got married tomorrow, we wouldn't suddenly start asking each other if we could buy things because we'd exchanged rings in a register office. There's nothing we'd do differently if we were married.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:50

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:49

Jesus wept… you keep saying the same thing what are these other benefits? name them!

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There are 9 here.

https://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2025/01/martin-lewis--the-nine-big-financial-benefits-of-being-married/

OP posts:
Bishbashbush · 30/04/2026 13:50

DP and I don’t really check with each other regarding our individual spending. We will discuss joint/household purchases and decide together on that.

We have a joint account that we each put 20% of our monthly salary into and that covers groceries, fuel, window cleaners and small miscellaneous household bills. DP earns much more than I do so he can spend what he likes as far as I’m concerned. We’re both quite sensible with money and neither of us are big spenders anyway.

Heylittlesongbird · 30/04/2026 13:50

Stuff for the home, a new car, holidays etc. we’d look and decide together.

Clothes, concerts, sporting events, etc. we’d just go ahead and buy. The only checking might be confirming the date is free.

You have reminded me of a story about my grandma. She was out with her sister in law and saw a nice standard lamp. Her sister in law told her she’d have to ask her husband if she could buy it. Therefore, grandma bought it on the spot, saying no I don’t!

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:49

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:49

So again, I ask…how should attitude around money be different when married?

I don't think it's so much that it "should" it's just that when you are married, there become all sort of legal implications.

OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:49

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:48

There are other financial benefits to being married, but yes I take your point.

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Jesus wept… you keep saying the same thing what are these other benefits? name them!

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:49

So again, I ask…how should attitude around money be different when married?

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:48

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:48

But the protection only comes into play when you are divorcing

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There are other financial benefits to being married, but yes I take your point.

OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:48

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:47

It might not have felt different, but legally it was.

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But the protection only comes into play when you are divorcing

ERthree · 30/04/2026 13:47

I don't check, we have a joint account into which goes all of our money. We both buy what we like. Only time it would be discussed is if it was something large for the house and that would have nothing to do with the cost just which item was better or we liked more.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:47

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:46

Please do tell… because I’ve been in a relationship in both situations and nothing was different.

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It might not have felt different, but legally it was.

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ainsleysanob · 30/04/2026 13:47

I don’t check with him at all. We have separate finances, always have. Providing the bills we’re responsible for get paid and we have money for holidays and savings the rest is ours to do as we want.

Statsquestion1 · 30/04/2026 13:46

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:44

There are other financial protections/benefits to be being married - but yes I take your point.

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Please do tell… because I’ve been in a relationship in both situations and nothing was different.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 13:46

Canonlythinkofthisone · 30/04/2026 13:46

Purely based on OPs replies, I am going to take a stab, and assume your HUSBAND has bought something without your approval OP. Which has taken a chunk of your "joint" (cause you're married) money and you think he should have discussed it with you?

No, it was actually following a convo with a friend.

She was the buyer, and husband thought she should have checked first.

OP posts: