AIBU to just block... or mention the unpaid debt first?

Absolutely take legal action, she’s is totally taking the piss!

Respond and tell her firmly that she didn’t pay back the last loan and she isn’t getting any more money from you so stop begging! Then block!

This seems an easy way to deal with both issues in one go.

We had a similar situation at work, where we finally realised that one person was continually borrowing money and often borrowing from one person to pay back another.

She did have three children, but both she and her husband had decent jobs. I did get my money back, but each time she'd later come back and ask for more.

I finally stopped it by writing off the debt, after she'd let me down quite badly over something. (She'd promised to take me to and from hospital for a procedure but then came up with a reason why she couldn't do it.)

I heard nothing from her for at least three years and then got a message from her on social media telling me she had my money for me. The procedure previously had been that she'd pay me back and then ask for more.

This time round I told her to keep it. I've not heard from her now for years.

I'd be taking screenshots of her begging messages and the fact that you gave her money and share them with the family. Who knows who else she's trying this with. She has zero scruples and lots of neck. I'd be trying to warn others as a priority. It's not going to stop anyone liking her grandmother.

Why wouldn't you want the £900 back?

I wouldn't be giving her another penny and I would be asking for the money back.
I would be warning all mutual family and friends too.

How can you ask her to repay the money and then block her? If you block her, you’ve no chance of getting any money from her at all (arguably, you have no chance as it is) but personally I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned this or chased this up before now.

I would have asked in October when it was due, and I’d consider telling her that you’ll take her to court for it. It’s the principle.

‘I will not be lending you anymore money because you still owe me £900 which should have been paid back in October. Please do not ask the family for money again until your debt is paid as none of us have the means to give you money. If the £900 is not paid back by X date, then I’ll consider legal action to recoup it from you. Thanks’

She’s a cheeky fucker and she’ll continue to take the piss if you don’t mention it.

There is an option D - reverse it.

'Im actually in a bit of a tight spot financially too right now. Please can I have the £900 you owe me, plus a few extra £££ so I can feed my children? 😥"

Then she'll block you.

I’d tell her you gave her all your spare money you had last year and ask her when she is going to pay it back.

Frankly, she might be fleecing the whole family including grandma and your discretion may be enabling her.

I would just ignoring the same ages and start comparing notes with other relatives. No need to be bitchy, a simple question like “Niece has been asking
me for money over the year, would you know if she is ok what is going on? I gave her £900 but appears to need more. Is something serious going on?

We had someone in the family doing similar, by the time we started talking he had fleeced all the elderly already so… don’t enforce her fleecing the family with your misplaced “discretion” you are not avoiding being “cruel”, you know it is not at all about “cruelty”, you are just chickening out of a possible confrontation.

Option C.

Is this girl & grandmother in another country?

are you absolutely sure that the grandma is not being taken for a ride too? The ‘she is more tech savvy’ approach could work on grandma, let me do your banking on the app on my phone etc..

I'm not convinced that OP has a case. What would she sue for, breach of contract? There was no contract.

People are allowed to give their money away. Even your bank will double check with you, do you know this person, are you sure you want to make the payment. If OP ticks yes, then she's willingly giving her money to someone else.

Exactly. Plus I don't understand how 'she has a nice grandmother' is somehow a good reason to respond to random text messages demanding money from someone you almost never see or speak to.

How did you know it was even her and not a scam?

Wouldn't you at least speak to her to check it really is her, find out the nature of the problem and whether it actually would be sorted by sending money - for example if she's run out of overdraft, chances are the bank will use arrival of the money in her account as a prompt to cancel the overdraft, meaning the OP is £900 down and the relative still doesn't have any money available for whatever she wanted it for.

Plus, as has been shown, people in this sort of financial position are often spending irresponsibly, tapping up multiple people and don't pay back what they borrowed even when they could do so, as evidenced by the new car and Apple watches.

The option B is perfect.

Option B + legal action

It’s quite common in some cultures - and giving a physical gift would be considered rude. You are essentially paying for the hospitality burden of your visit.

Agree with this.

Jesus. What about asking her to set out a repayment schedule for the money she already owes you? Coupled with a suggestion that you’ll consider the small claims court if she doesn’t. The only way she’s going to stop scamming people is if someone actually insists on being repaid.

And yes do tell all of the rest of your family. She’s probably scammed all of them at some point.

Have a serious word with all your relatives and your grandmother in particular.

I think don't block the woman as that could be spun - just tell her next time she asks that she hasn't paid her debt, you won't be sending money ever again, and as this is a pattern you've spoken to the rest of the family.

How weird that you just gave money away like that, without any context at all. If someone says 'send money' and you do, is that even a loan?

'No, crazy cousin, you already owe me £900.
This branch of the bank of [your family name] is closed.
Love to all, Neo"

And absolutely expose her to the wider family for the grifter she is, because undoubtedly she's been tapping them up for apple watches too.

It’s certainly doable, though more complex and expensive. I know someone here (in Ireland) who is pursuing a Small Claims procedure against someone in another EU country. I agree that in this case it’s highly unlikely to be worth the OP’s while, but I don’t think there’s any harm in her making it clear to her relative that she owes her £900, and she is taking advice on how to pursue it.

I'm new to the idea that when you visit family you give them money - it seems very transactional to me. In future, get them a gift at the airport or take them out for a meal.