Page 2 | AIBU to just block... or mention the unpaid debt first?

neoneo · 2026-04-30T10:02:18+00:00

I'll try to keep this concise but there's some context needed. I have a distant relative on my father's side. We're not close, but her grandmother is the sweetest lady, so I try and keep on good terms with her extended family. The relative and I connected on WhatsApp in the way you are with distant family... existing in the background, occasional happy birthdays... that sort of thing. Also, the relative is younger (more tech savvy whereas the grandmother is in her late 80s!) Last year we visited her/her family. We gave her a small gift of around £50 during the visit, as you do. Looking back, I wonder if that visit was more of an assessment than a reunion. Shortly after this - the messages started. Rapid fire. 'I need your help.' 'Some money.' 'You help me?' 'Pls reply.' 'Emergency problem.' No amount. No reason. Just pressure. I sent approximately £900. She promised faithfully to repay it last October. I gave her the money in July. October came and went. Nothing. No mention of it at all. (In truth, I'd written it off in my head at the time of sending it - so I wasn't waiting on it - and just moved on with my life). Yesterday she was back. Same opening. 'Hii!' 'I need your help.' 'Some money.' "Pls last time help me 🙏🙏." Again no amount, no explanation, no acknowledgement of the money she never repaid. My uncle (who lives near me in London) - a pensioner in his late 60s has been going through exactly the same thing. She'd sent him a barrage of messages asking for large sums of money, then panicked and deleted them all thinking he hadn't seen them (he had - just on his home screen). She then pivoted to asking if there was 'a job in London for my husband.' My uncle replied politely that the UK job market was difficult. That one reply was enough though... she immediately went back to asking for money. She also asked him not to tell other family members she'd asked. My uncle and I have been comparing notes. It's been quite revealing. A few details that stick with me: - They recently sold their home - Her WhatsApp photo shows her husband with a brand new car and both of them with Apple Watches - When my uncle firmly said no, she said 'Ok, I'll ask someone else' within minutes. Not the response of someone in genuine crisis. I've ignored her messages so far. But I'm torn between: *Option A:* Just blocking her silently. Clean, drama-free, no response ever. *Option B:* (His advice). Sending one honest message first - something like: 'I gave you £900 less than a year ago which you promised to return in October and never did. I won't be helping again.' I don't want to be cruel. But I also don't want to be taken advantage of. Her grandmother is the sweetest lady though - and this relative does help the grandmother from time to time - who I really love.

Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:54

UPDATE: I just told her I wouldn’t be sending any money. I mentioned that they had failed to repay the debt from last year. In fairness, she replied immediately and she acknowledged this and said if I gave her more money, she would eventually pay back both amounts. I said no and that she would have to pay back what was outstanding. She said: ‘Ok’. Doubt we will hear from her again.

OP posts:

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2026 14:53

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:46

Agreed. In truth, it's not so much about the loan being paid back/suing etc... it's more about the NEW request. It's one thing to not pursue an old debt - but the person shouldn't endlessly feel free to ask for yet MORE money.

The options are to either reference the debt - and say because it was never paid - or to block altogether. (This person is closer to other members of my family (a different generation too). Her grandmother used to look after my father and uncle when they were young children, hence the soft spot I have for her grandmother.

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I understand, but I’d still pursue the other debt. It’s £900! Not an insignificant amount, and the fact she’s got the audacity to ask you again after not paying you back the first loan proves she’s just taking the piss out of you and thinks you’re a pushover.

Tell her you won’t be lending her anymore money because she still owes you £900 which she hasn’t repaid and it’s overdue from October. You expect it back by X date before legal action to recoup it. Let her know you’ve warned other family members not to loan to her either because she doesn’t pay back.

Cheeky cow.

ForeverTheOptomist · 30/04/2026 14:49

Option B, but maybe take out

. I won't be helping again

to keep options open, and any possibility of being paid back.

TheHillIsMine · 30/04/2026 14:49

You keep saying the grandmother is sweet. What's the relevance? Do you not want her to be hurt by her grandchild?

Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:49

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Kindly jog on. Everyone else seems to get it just fine. At no point did I say I was 'scammed' etc... nor did I mention phoning up lawyers/suing etc...!

OP posts:

Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:46

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2026 14:38

OP has said it was always understood to be a loan, and if the relative had agreed to pay it back by October at the time it was sent to her, then that obviously makes it a loan. There is no agreed date to pay back a gift.

If there was a way I could pursue it, it would be worth a small amount in court fees to me to try, and if all else fails, I’d at at least make her believe that if she doesn’t repay me, that’s what I’ll be doing. People like her take the piss with impunity.

Show quote history

Agreed. In truth, it's not so much about the loan being paid back/suing etc... it's more about the NEW request. It's one thing to not pursue an old debt - but the person shouldn't endlessly feel free to ask for yet MORE money.

The options are to either reference the debt - and say because it was never paid - or to block altogether. (This person is closer to other members of my family (a different generation too). Her grandmother used to look after my father and uncle when they were young children, hence the soft spot I have for her grandmother.

OP posts:

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:44

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Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:41

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:37

This doesn't make sense. First of all you tell us that the requests were 'I need your help.' 'Some money.' 'You help me?' 'Pls reply.' 'Emergency problem' with no amount stated.

And now you are saying you have clear proof with no ambiguity.

Which is it? Did you agree the amount and that it was a loan before giving the money as you now claim? If so, why did you leave that important point out of your OP and lead posters to believe otherwise?

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Yes, all those points are completely correct. When we enquired as to what was going on/what the emergency (her phrasing) was - she divulged further. Hence the £900 figure. It wasn't like we just sent a random amount. She then AGREED that it was a loan - and of her own volition, said it would be paid back by October (the house was to be sold by then). We found out through relatives - that the house was indeed sold by October. The money was for the lawyers regarding the sale of the house, FYI.

Is there a reason why you are being so aggressive?

OP posts:

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2026 14:38

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:30

If she mentions to her relative in a message how she still owes her £900 that was agreed to be repaid in October and her relative replies acknowledging the debt, that’s proof enough that there was an agreement in place.
Plus all the other messages from the time the money was sent when she agreed to pay it back in October. If there was a text exchange, she can take legal action.

It's really not that clear cut and I would hate OP to throw away more good money trying to pursue it through the courts unless she has something really clear that sets out the terms of the loan instead of that nonsense above.

If it's a loan that has to be made clear at the time of loaning the money. Claiming it retrospectively does not mean that it was always a loan. Even if the other person later agrees it was, their legal adviser can easily throw doubt on that. Is there a language barrier, were there cultural expectations, did she feel pressure to pay back money she thought was a gift, etc.

OP has said it was always understood to be a loan, and if the relative had agreed to pay it back by October at the time it was sent to her, then that obviously makes it a loan. There is no agreed date to pay back a gift.

If there was a way I could pursue it, it would be worth a small amount in court fees to me to try, and if all else fails, I’d at at least make her believe that if she doesn’t repay me, that’s what I’ll be doing. People like her take the piss with impunity.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/04/2026 14:38

I can’t believe you gave her £900!

I would say no to the loan, send her a screenshot of where she said she’d pay the previous loan back in October and say when that’s paid back, maybe we can talk more.

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:37

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:30

@WallaceinAnderland Without going into too much detail (which I made sure of in my OP) - it was always proposed (and accepted, mind you) as a loan. No ambiguity.

Edited

This doesn't make sense. First of all you tell us that the requests were 'I need your help.' 'Some money.' 'You help me?' 'Pls reply.' 'Emergency problem' with no amount stated.

And now you are saying you have clear proof with no ambiguity.

Which is it? Did you agree the amount and that it was a loan before giving the money as you now claim? If so, why did you leave that important point out of your OP and lead posters to believe otherwise?

Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:34

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:30

If she mentions to her relative in a message how she still owes her £900 that was agreed to be repaid in October and her relative replies acknowledging the debt, that’s proof enough that there was an agreement in place.
Plus all the other messages from the time the money was sent when she agreed to pay it back in October. If there was a text exchange, she can take legal action.

It's really not that clear cut and I would hate OP to throw away more good money trying to pursue it through the courts unless she has something really clear that sets out the terms of the loan instead of that nonsense above.

If it's a loan that has to be made clear at the time of loaning the money. Claiming it retrospectively does not mean that it was always a loan. Even if the other person later agrees it was, their legal adviser can easily throw doubt on that. Is there a language barrier, were there cultural expectations, did she feel pressure to pay back money she thought was a gift, etc.

@WallaceinAnderland "If it's a loan that has to be made clear at the time of loaning the money."

Again... it was. It was HER (at the time) that chose/named October as the repayment date, which I was fine with.

It wasn't like I then said: "No worries! Don't be silly, it's a gift!"

OP posts:

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:30

If she mentions to her relative in a message how she still owes her £900 that was agreed to be repaid in October and her relative replies acknowledging the debt, that’s proof enough that there was an agreement in place.
Plus all the other messages from the time the money was sent when she agreed to pay it back in October. If there was a text exchange, she can take legal action.

It's really not that clear cut and I would hate OP to throw away more good money trying to pursue it through the courts unless she has something really clear that sets out the terms of the loan instead of that nonsense above.

If it's a loan that has to be made clear at the time of loaning the money. Claiming it retrospectively does not mean that it was always a loan. Even if the other person later agrees it was, their legal adviser can easily throw doubt on that. Is there a language barrier, were there cultural expectations, did she feel pressure to pay back money she thought was a gift, etc.

Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:30

@WallaceinAnderland Without going into too much detail (which I made sure of in my OP) - it was always proposed (and accepted, mind you) as a loan. No ambiguity.

OP posts:

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:26

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:22

It was always clarified as a loan (and by her too), but at time went by - me and my Uncle suspected she wouldn't pay it back. She didn't.

Show quote history

How was it clarified? Were the terms set out?

What you have described here, would not back you up in court

'I need your help.' 'Some money.' 'You help me?' 'Pls reply.' 'Emergency problem.'
No amount. No reason. Just pressure.
I sent approximately £900.

That is not a coherent loan agreement by any stretch of the imagination.

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2026 14:22

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:12

It's hard to prove. It will be one word against the other. I felt pressure to loan money. I felt pressure to agree to pay back money that was freely given.

Unless it was agreed before any money exchanged hands, in writing, how much was a gift and how much was a loan and what the terms of repayment were, then it's not as simple as you suggest.

OP has obviously gone about it the wrong way, expecting money to be paid back without ever getting that clarified before handing it over.

Show quote history

If she mentions to her relative in a message how she still owes her £900 that was agreed to be repaid in October and her relative replies acknowledging the debt, that’s proof enough that there was an agreement in place.

Plus all the other messages from the time the money was sent when she agreed to pay it back in October. If there was a text exchange, she can take legal action.

Even if OP ultimately decides not to pursue legal action, I would at least let CF think I will!

Original poster

neoneo · 30/04/2026 14:22

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:12

It's hard to prove. It will be one word against the other. I felt pressure to loan money. I felt pressure to agree to pay back money that was freely given.

Unless it was agreed before any money exchanged hands, in writing, how much was a gift and how much was a loan and what the terms of repayment were, then it's not as simple as you suggest.

OP has obviously gone about it the wrong way, expecting money to be paid back without ever getting that clarified before handing it over.

Show quote history

It was always clarified as a loan (and by her too), but at time went by - me and my Uncle suspected she wouldn't pay it back. She didn't.

OP posts:

TinyTear · 30/04/2026 14:12

neoneo · 30/04/2026 11:04

Forgot to add...before anyone mentions it, no it's not a spoof/deepfake/cloned number/AI. It is actually her who is asking!

It's the post that reads like AI, not the messages.

Did you run it through ChatGPT or whatever? reads like a Reddit post! just needs a "I (45F) " or whatever

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 14:12

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2026 14:07

She can take legal action if she has proof the money was a loan and there was an agreed date for repayment. As there were messages exchanged, OP can prove that the money was asked for and that it was agreed it would be repaid in October.

It’s worth pursuing, even if only to teach that cheeky fucker a lesson. It would cost her about around £100 to take it to small claims court.

Edited

Show quote history

It's hard to prove. It will be one word against the other. I felt pressure to loan money. I felt pressure to agree to pay back money that was freely given.

Unless it was agreed before any money exchanged hands, in writing, how much was a gift and how much was a loan and what the terms of repayment were, then it's not as simple as you suggest.

OP has obviously gone about it the wrong way, expecting money to be paid back without ever getting that clarified before handing it over.

WorstPaceScenario · 30/04/2026 14:08

Option B, without a doubt!

Viviennemary · 30/04/2026 14:07

I'd go for option B. Has she gone a bit nuts.,

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2026 14:07

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 13:58

For what? OP can't take legal action when she gave her money away.

Unless OP has it clearly spelled out, in writing, that it was a loan at the time she gave it, then there's no case. OP says she gets messages 'send money' and she sends money.

That is not going to stand up in court and it would cost her way more than she's already given away to attempt it.

Show quote history

She can take legal action if she has proof the money was a loan and there was an agreed date for repayment. As there were messages exchanged, OP can prove that the money was asked for and that it was agreed it would be repaid in October.

It’s worth pursuing, even if only to teach that cheeky fucker a lesson. It would cost her about around £100 to take it to small claims court.

FormerCautiousLurker · 30/04/2026 14:03

Sorry, but assuming you have evidence of the request for money and the fact that you sent it, I’d text her to tell her that you would like the monies already lent to be returned by X date and that failure to do so will be followed by a claim in the smalls claim court - and that you will be sharing with the wider family the fact that she has been harassing multiple family members for money (that she does not repay).

If no one stands up to her, she will continue to plague more vulnerable individuals than you and your uncle. I couldn’t live with myself if it later turns out she pressured anyone else when the power to alert everyone was mine.

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2026 13:58

Charel2girl5 · 30/04/2026 13:38

Absolutely take legal action, she’s is totally taking the piss!

For what? OP can't take legal action when she gave her money away.

Unless OP has it clearly spelled out, in writing, that it was a loan at the time she gave it, then there's no case. OP says she gets messages 'send money' and she sends money.

That is not going to stand up in court and it would cost her way more than she's already given away to attempt it.

SpryCat · 30/04/2026 13:57

She asks so many people for money she can’t remember who has refused or who she owes so she asks everyone hoping one of you will pay her. She won’t be embarrassed by you asking for your money back because she doesn’t care.