I'll try to keep this concise but there's some context needed.
I have a distant relative on my father's side. We're not close, but her grandmother is the sweetest lady, so I try and keep on good terms with her extended family.
The relative and I connected on WhatsApp in the way you are with distant family... existing in the background, occasional happy birthdays... that sort of thing. Also, the relative is younger (more tech savvy whereas the grandmother is in her late 80s!)
Last year we visited her/her family. We gave her a small gift of around £50 during the visit, as you do. Looking back, I wonder if that visit was more of an assessment than a reunion.
Shortly after this - the messages started. Rapid fire.
'I need your help.' 'Some money.' 'You help me?' 'Pls reply.' 'Emergency problem.'
No amount. No reason. Just pressure.
I sent approximately £900. She promised faithfully to repay it last October. I gave her the money in July. October came and went. Nothing. No mention of it at all. (In truth, I'd written it off in my head at the time of sending it - so I wasn't waiting on it - and just moved on with my life).
Yesterday she was back. Same opening.
'Hii!' 'I need your help.' 'Some money.' "Pls last time help me 🙏🙏."
Again no amount, no explanation, no acknowledgement of the money she never repaid.
My uncle (who lives near me in London) - a pensioner in his late 60s has been going through exactly the same thing. She'd sent him a barrage of messages asking for large sums of money, then panicked and deleted them all thinking he hadn't seen them (he had - just on his home screen). She then pivoted to asking if there was 'a job in London for my husband.'
My uncle replied politely that the UK job market was difficult. That one reply was enough though... she immediately went back to asking for money. She also asked him not to tell other family members she'd asked.
My uncle and I have been comparing notes. It's been quite revealing.
A few details that stick with me:
- They recently sold their home
- Her WhatsApp photo shows her husband with a brand new car and both of them with Apple Watches
- When my uncle firmly said no, she said 'Ok, I'll ask someone else' within minutes. Not the response of someone in genuine crisis.
I've ignored her messages so far.
But I'm torn between:
Option A: Just blocking her silently. Clean, drama-free, no response ever.
Option B: (His advice). Sending one honest message first - something like: 'I gave you £900 less than a year ago which you promised to return in October and never did. I won't be helping again.'
I don't want to be cruel. But I also don't want to be taken advantage of. Her grandmother is the sweetest lady though - and this relative does help the grandmother from time to time - who I really love.