AIBU to mind DH overhearing my private online medical appointment?

Unless he was standing on the other side of the door with his ear pressed against it I don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

It genuinely wouldn’t cross my mind that my husband would want to hide private medical things from me and if he did I would be worried something sinister was going on. If he said he was working from home to take the appointment privately I would assume that he meant from colleagues.

I wouldn’t listen at the door but if the call was to be heard throughout the house I also wouldn’t make any effort to shut the door if my husband hadn’t indicated it was private and he didn’t want me to know.

I am pretty good at picking stuff up and reading situations but in this case my husband would have to literally spell it out to me I’m afraid. I have endometriosis and bowel issues and if I need to talk about this to the doctor on the phone I indicate to my husband it’s private or go outside because I do believe there’s oversharing, but I communicate this with him and don’t assume he’ll know because of course I tell him what’s going on with my health- we’re married.

I think it’s entirely fair to feel the way you do. There may be situations where you want to discuss your libido / relationship without the knowledge that someone is skulking around. Somethings are also private - I don’t need to open myself bare to my partner about every single detail of my life. If I’d suffered a traumatic incident that’s not necessarily something that I want my partner to know the ins and outs of. People often find it easier to talk to strangers about tricky stuff. I don’t consider that “ keeping secrets” and I don’t think you needed to justify your actions by saying “ we have access to each others phones”. Not a criticism just an observation. I hope your treatment goes well and you’re on the mend soon.

And I also noticed, OP, that in your summary above, your assumption you deemed justifiable/reasonable yet his assumption was down to an inherent difficulty with him.

I think you both made assumptions and there's an end to it. Neither more reasonable than the other.

I'm sorry you are going through something difficult, but taking it out on your DH isn't going to resolve it and may just alienate a source of support for you. It is hard to support people who get easily prickly, even if you really want to show them you care.

How could he help hearing if it was on speaker and doors were open?!

Kindly (because you're obviously going through something difficult) but you're saying your DH doesn't 'own his actions' but actually this is you who is not owning their action. If you wanted 100% privacy, you should have sorted 100% privacy. This is not on your DH, it's on you.

But if my DH hadn’t said “this is private” and I heard him getting emotional on a zoom health call, I would hover because I’d want to be there for him. I wouldn’t think I was being intrusive. But we also a relationship where we share things like that so I know he wouldn’t be upset so perhaps different dynamics.
TBH I'd be the same. In fact, I'd feel dismissive and a bit cold to do otherwise, but obviously all relationships are different.

I think this is it OP: it was just a lack of communication about it.

I think he sounds as thought he is trying to be supportive and has accidentally offended you.

And without wanting to do the same myself, can I really gently suggest that perhaps a little bit of this annoyance is stress over the diagnosis? It isn't at all unusual for people to become cross over an alternative issue that feels more controllable when something has upset them? It's a similar response to "shoot the messenger."

I hope things are manageable OP, and send my best wishes, and it does sound as though your DH is wanting to be supportive, even if he got off on the wrong foot!

I agree with others here that if you had told him in advance that it’s private, then he’s very unreasonable not to be elsewhere so he didn’t overhear.

I used to have zoom therapy and my DH knew it was private and respected that and wore headphones or would be out of mostly I would organise it for when I’d be alone. I was really clear that I didn’t want him or anyone overhearing any of it.

But if my DH hadn’t said “this is private” and I heard him getting emotional on a zoom health call, I would hover because I’d want to be there for him. I wouldn’t think I was being intrusive. But we also a relationship where we share things like that so I know he wouldn’t be upset so perhaps different dynamics.

@ToadRage my DH always comes into my medical appointments as a calmer and therefore better listener than me. Afterwards we discuss what’s happened and have no secrets.
But
If I wanted privacy, like OP, he’d get short shrift if he behaved like her DH.

I think it depends on the nature of the appointment/results, the state of your relationship and what your expectations normally are.

If I was expecting some very serious results - cancer, life changing illnesses etc, then he'd already be in the room with me. If he wasn't/or it was him, then I'd understand overhearing and then continuing to listen, because we'd need to steel ourselves to support eachother.

If it was something possible embarrassing, we'd leave eachother alone, and the same for mental health stuff.

Does he ever consider your feelings (eavesdropped, mentioned what he’d heard, dismissed you as “he knew it all anyway”, is now playing the victim)? At a time when you’re feeling vulnerable and delicate, he should be more thoughtful, sensitive and caring of you.

While I understand the breach of privacy on the one hand it's very confusing to me that you are angry with your husband. My husband and i have no secrets, he attends some appointments with me and I always tell him what happened in the ones he doesn't come to. Ate young angry because he listened or because he knew before you had the chance to tell him or were you really not planning on telling him?

If he knew that you wanted it to be private, then I think that makes a difference, OP.

But did he realise that you wanted privacy from him as well as from your work colleagues?

I'm sorry about your diagnosis by the way, but hope it paves the way for you to get some help for whatever it is that you've been diagnosed with.

You're not being unreasonable at all. Of course you're entitled to privacy.

The only thing I would say is that this is a much better problem than many I see on here. While you don't have to swallow your feelings and tolerate the intrusion and it is for him to change, he clearly cares and wants to be there for you.

How was he able to hear your phone call was it on loudspeaker? I think if I was taking a call I didn’t want overhead i make sure I was somewhere away from others.

If he was deliberately listening then I agree. But if he just overheard that's different. If you wanted privacy, you should either have told him that or taken the call somewhere private. Not something to fall about in a solid marriage.

YANBU He disrespectfully continued to push then overstepped your boundary, OP. Your para 5 shows him for what he is.